post and receive a silly title

(inspired by Cally's compliment thread)

if you post here, I will confer upon you a genuinely silly title.
Just to get the ball rolling, and to see what I mean:

To Skinner, I confer upon thee the title of:

Skinner: Mad Slinger of Sharpened pencils, Confounder of Lost Tourists

To Cally, I confer upon the the title of:

Cally: Hurler of the Sharp Cheddar of Death, He(or she) Who is Individually Sliced

see? so...to get your silly title, post here and ask for one, and specify your gender if you want (makes it easier to dream up a silly title)

...I've done this before, about 8 years ago at a private board, so I'm a professional on a closed course. Do not attempt this at home.

:grouphug:

I edited to add: I'm at work, so there may be long periods of inattention to this thread, but I promise I will try to get to everyone. Also: I apologize in advance if anyone gets offended, but please don't, as they're supposed to be silly and just for fun. They may have no relevance to your actual personality...or if they DO have relevance, you might not want to admit that publicly.... :D

I hereby confer upon thee:

Meegbear:Enigmatic Target, The One with the Moebius Soul No-Pest Strip

I hereby confer upon thee:

whoisalhedges; Valiant Buckler of Swash and Trimmer of Shrubbery

I hereby confer upon thee:

soothsayer: Digitalmatrix Maven of Destruction and Countess of Comfortable Shoes

I mean...thanks! I'll take it.

:bounce:

I hereby confer upon thee:

matcom: Holder of the Eel of Treachery/ Nordic Pizza Chef

professional silly-title-conferrer...

I'm waitin' ;)


-----------------------------

Remember Fallujah!

Bush to The Hague

I hereby confer upon thee:

neweurope:Dervish of Pointless Wanderings

*mumbles darkly*

Dervish of Pointless Wanderings
Dervish of Pointless Wanderings
Dervish of Pointless Wanderings...


-----------------------


Remember Fallujah!

Bush to The Hague

pretty please, with sugar on top.

I hereby confer upon thee:

cryingshame:Awesome Swinger of Off-balance Weapons/ Master of Small Pastries!

how about a Napolean?

:)

and in case you can't tell by the "Lass" In my name, I would be Female

I hereby confer upon thee:

NamVetsWeeLass:Enrapturing Angel of Confusing Beauty/ Errant Cab driver

I hereby confer upon thee:

pres2032pres2032: Rustler of N'er-do-wells and Corrosive Mailperson

i'm so aimLess without a titLe

I hereby confer upon thee:

sniffa:Somnabulent Zombie of Really Bad Hair Days/Crusher of Whiners

I hereby confer upon thee:

billyskank: Incandescent Diviner of Lost Ballpoint Pens

:bounce:

I hereby confer upon thee:

Commie Pinko Dirtbag: Maestro of Chiascuro Machismo

I'm a guy btw.

I hereby confer upon thee:

da_chimperor: Compeller of Dark Mysteries and Dishwasher of Death

Dang, I want me a title!

I hereby confer upon thee:

AverageJoe: Liege of Lunacy/Mad Sorter of Laundry

How did you know? Now where is that damn hamper? Socks? Socks? Where's my fabric softner?????!!!!!

Aaawwwwooooooo!

I hereby confer upon thee:

bowens43; Astral Diesel Mechanic, Deranged Furniture Mover of Despair

...preferably something with Grand Arbiter in it since I have proclaimed myself as such within my household of four boys, my wife is the Grand Inquisitor by the way what have you got for her.

I hereby confer upon theese (plural of thee)

TN al: Grand Arbiter of Broken Velcro and Crusher of Cardboard Boxes

and to your wife (whose name I don't know):

Grand Inquisitor of Inappropriate Action Figures and Herder of Testosterone

I hereby confer upon thee:

GOPBasher: Mage Adept of Cursed Magics, Crazed Collector of Pushpins

my pleasure...seriously, I enjoy doing it.

I hereby confer upon thee:

EstimatedProphet: Treacherous Instigator of Endless Monopoly Games

I hereby confer upon thee:

Richardo: Warder of the Wastelands, Unspeakable Trimmer of Toenails

Woohoo!

I hereby confer upon thee:

eyesroll: Exasperator of Enemies, Sardonic Sultan of Sarcasm

I hereby confer upon thee:

Lavender Brown: Subtle Swordsman of the Vorpal Blade, Tacker of Loose Carpeting

Loose carpeting really does get to me

I hereby confer upon thee:

Briarius: Master Conduit of Datastream Energy/ Deadly Pet Groomer

It reminds me of a button my sister gave me long ago, when I was young: "Lutefisk: the piece of cod which passeth all understanding." :7

I hereby confer upon thee:

Bertha Venation: Voluptuous Kitten of Carnage/ Feared Master of Cribbage

(I'm assuming you're female)

I love my title! I have never played cribbage, but my mother was fond of the game, so I like that part, too. Thank you!

You rock, Lerkfish. You should lerk a little less and fish these waters a little more.

I'm of the female persuasion, if that helps.

I hereby confer upon thee:

Fifth of Five: Vaulted Vixen of Books Too Heavy To Throw, Mistress of Knotted Shoestrings

I believe you have captured me perfectly!

Or something similar for women?

I hereby confer upon thee:

MissMillie: Learned Lady of Liederhosen, Knight Templar of Stale Cheese Doodles

I hereby confer upon thee:

StopTheMorans: Apocryphal Zombie of Dust, Straightener of Crooked Pictures

what else do you know about me? :scared:

oh, no, wait, that was me.

:scared:

Its like I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING AT ALL TIMES! its enough to make me paranoid about myself.

Thanks!

I confer upon thee:

huskerlaw: Scoundrel Scourge of the Wayward Seas/Killer of Toupees

and I'll bet you can guess my gender

Thanks in advance!

:bounce:

I hereby confer upon thee:

Mistress Quickly: Medieval Mistress of Vague Vengeance/Princess of Painful Puns

I LOVE IT!!!! It's perfect!

:hug: :yourock:

you can just post.

;)

although creative begging CAN be amusing.

I hereby confer upon thee:

bobbobbins: Fearsome Wielder of Things that Will Poke Your Eye Out, Royal Runner With Scissors

I can't wait! :bounce::bounce::bounce::bounce::bounce:

I hereby confer upon thee:

Aristus: Baron Kheldar of the Kiddie Waterslide/ Evil Parking Valet

Thank you, oh, thank you!

:smoke:

:D

I hereby confer upon thee:

LWolf: Paradoxical Lord of Dimensional Conundrums!

Could I modify that to be the Paradoxical Goddess of Dimensional Conundrums?

;-)

sorry I didn't catch the correct gender.

but, since its paradoxical, maybe I was confused by the space time continuum

;)

Were you listening in on the discussion I just had a few weeks back with a student re: paradox inherent in time travel & space time continuum?

...er..or maybe i had relish on a hot dog once while traveling in time...

er...

I wrote a poem about time travel once...wanna hear it?

:D

Time Travel Is Impossible

Sure, it'd be nice to boldy sit
on liveried steed of Lancelot
or pinch the bottom of fair Juliet
and see what made Romeo hot


To buckle swash with Pirates dead
or huddle under tall Collosus
to kick the Fuhrer in the head
Smack Mussolini with galoshes


But think on this before you sleep
a Gordian knot is set in your path
a spatial hurdle you cannot leap
Under deadly weight of hidden math


For stars expanding outward flung
at speeds extreme and quite annoying
from points unknown to spots unsung
the measurements are not for toying


For even if enigma cured
of temporal manipulation
In years you'd hop, but here's absurd...
you'd land at what location?


For where we find New Hampshire now
a million years ago was different
And where was once a silly cow
a trillion light years distant


"Just do the math!" you may exclaim
But beg to differ, here I ask you
Tho you at axis x take aim
There's z and y and maybe double-u


And if space folds in upon itself
a pretzel dipped in stellar salt
Things don't stay neatly placed on shelf
nor stay when simply ordered "halt!"


So even if you wrestle WHEN
and cause it singular distress
the WHERE will sneak around you then
and strand you, "lost in space" address


and the saddest realization rhymes
while drifting past the stars in fear
Oh, you can get there anytime
you just cant get there from here.


First published at the Asimov's Forum, 2002

Copyright © 2002 by Bewildering Stories.

Thanks!

Gimme a title, please. Oh, and hey bobbobbins!

I hereby confer upon thee:

txaslftist: Ubiquitous Unscrambler of Erstwhile Enigmas

Now I have to unscramble what that means...

and I am female.

I hereby confer upon thee:

Bouncy Ball: Grand Duchess of Polite Procrastination and Liberator of Lost Luggage

I hereby confer upon thee:

KitchenWitch: Emancipator of Shanghai'd Cookies, Valiant Champion of Stubborn Toasters

and await my title. I am a male. I think. Lemme look again...

OMG!!!!!

I hereby confer upon thee:

greyfox: Diabolical Hider of The Royal Remote Control and Slinger of Rusty Razor Blades

bless you, kind conferer of titles! I shall go forth and do...er.. my blade slinging, remote hiding best to honor you.

I am 30 years old male :hi:

Not the alpha male but still male :)

I hereby confer upon thee:

ps1074: Paladin of Peanut Butter/ Lunatic Lighter of Other People's Cigarettes

I hereby confer upon thee:

auntAgonist: Libidinous Launcher of Lopsided Projectiles, Mistress of Marble Mayhem

libidinous huh, I love that word ..

me to a T ..


laughing here.

thanks for the fun!!

Electric with anticipation.

;-)

I hereby confer upon thee:

rbnyc: Avenging Angel of Acronyms, Dread Disruptor of Congo Lines

Thanks!

:hi:

I hereby confer upon thee:

El Fuego: Harbinger of Exploding Chocolate-covered Cherries

Thank you Lerkfish!!

I hereby confer upon thee:

flvegan: Unholy Inflictor of Tiny Paper Cuts

I hereby confer upon thee:

fluffernutter: Duke of Dastardly Lane Changes, Vicar of Tight Underwear

this is one way to get a post total up, d'oh

this is fun

I hereby confer upon thee:

youngred: Dauphin of Deep-seated Doubt, Admiral-elect of the Siberian Stock Exchange

merci!

Short description:

male
smart-ass
middle age

Take it from there.

I hereby confer upon thee:

kmla: Outrageous Prime Minister of Mental Torture/ Keeper of the Petting Zoo

They're so cute... :)

I hereby confer upon thee:

Lone_Star_Dem: Winsome Whistling Avenger, Lady Vermillion of the Squared Squirrel

I hereby confer upon thee:

Left Is Write: Ambiguous Ambassador of Ambidextrousity, Countess of Corn Dogs

How did you know? I have to make my annual pilgrimage to the Minnesota State fair for Pronto Pups. :D

(Ambidextrous, however, I'm not. The Countess will have to be good at pretending. ;) )

For it is customary to grant the new Knight an added name?

I hereby confer upon thee:

Longgrain: Virulent Lord of the The Order of The Hapless Genome, Sprite of Unmatched Socks

LOL for so many reasons...:D

I hereby confer upon thee:

Lenape85: Satyr of The Saroyan Cigar, Citizen General of the Marching Band Groupies

I hereby confer upon thee:

name not needed: The Enigmatic Unknown Knight of Sausages, Composer of Metallic Requiems

Gotta name for an ol' Commie Socialist?

I hereby confer upon thee:

Tyler Durden: He Who Has Never Received An Atomic Wedgie, Exalted Comrade of Collectivized Lawn Gnomes

.

I hereby confer upon thee:

Biased Liberal Media: Treacherous Damsel of Intestinal Fortitude, Guileless Gendarme of Unrepentant Grocery Cashiers

about the intestinal stuff, but I have never been a grocery cashier...LOL!!!

I hereby confer upon thee:

Amaya: Royal Ringletted Reclaimer of Discarded Threads, Her Highness, Champion of Oppressed Tailors

:D :yourock:

Give me a good one--one for the AGES!!