Let's Play Carnac

So, I'm a 22 year old who was not old enough in 92 to experience the wonder of Carson, but if he was 1/10th as funny as everyone has made him out to be today, then clearly I missed one of the all-time greats. Just in hearing the descriptions and stories, I feel as though a part of me knows Carson, and I have obviously seen my share of his work on video over the years.

With all that said, I figured it'd be a fitting tribute to play a little game here in the lounge tonight. Let's all be Carnac! ANybody up with me tonight can take turns posting your own Carnac jokes.....I'll go first down below, and we'll let it stand as a tribute to Johnny to rest in peace. I'll also leave a lot of space before the "envelope is opened" to create the proper suspense. (And of course, I'm sure everyone, particularly myself, will not be able to create truly wonderful comedy. Oh well, its the effort that counts right?)

Anywho.....without further adieu....


Pollution, Crime, and Ashley Simpson





























Name three hazards to society

Name a Greek, a freak, and a geek.

Name a duck, a truck, and a schmuck.

:-)

:-)

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What's the one thing George Bush would need to have a real mandate?

Name a snitch, a witch, and a b****

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What do you get on your voo if you leave it outside all night?

hmmmm...

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What is Robert Blake, who played Baretta, likely to find once he is sentenced to prison? Look THAT one up in your Funk'n Wagnalls!

Name 3 puppeteers!

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Name something that's hammered, something that's sawed, and something that's screwed.

Yahoo Serious


















What are the 2 levels of sex.

what do you get from sitting on a stereo??

Name three things that get creamed alot.
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Catch 22.
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What the Dodgers would do if you hit them 100 pop flies.

That's how old you'll have to be under the new raygun plan
to collect social security.

Teeth, a tongue, and a foot.

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Name three things in Ronald Reagan's mouth.

...I remember laughing out loud for ten minutes when I heard this...


Sis, Boom, Bah!









Name the sound made by an exploding sheep!

kick

What sound does Renee Richards make when putting on her pantyhose?

:D

Makes no sense whatsoever, but Johnny and Ed giggled themselves silly over this one!

"What killed Johnnie Carson?"

What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker?

(As taken from The Joke Archives)

What are a hick, a kick, and a prick?

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Name a big hit, a big stick and big shit.

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Name three holes that should have been sealed shut.

:kick:


Come on, DU'ers! You guys are witty!

I had not seen this thread when I posted the "Carnac Ultimate Collection" thread. I didn't mean to duplicate your efforts or detract from your thread.

-- Allen

:-)