Why aren't women into sex as much as men ?

My wife will say come on let's get this shit over with I have laundry to do. Do any of the other husbands here on Du get this ?

Sorry - that was funny :D

I make sure the laundry is done before I ask my wife..;-)

As long as it happens it's okay with me.

"There's nothing sexier than a clean house."

:)

Oooh, you DUSTED!! C'mere!

about something more interesting to her than football or whatever! You will get all the sex you want. D'oh!

We like sex, we just like to have it with people we actually communicate with.

I shrunk her bras one time by drying them on medium instead of low. I am not allowed to do her stuff. I do the laundry, do ALL of the cooking, do the dishes at least half of the time, vacuum, cut the grass, scrub out the tubs, and clean out the icebox once a week. That isn't too shabby for a 47 year old married man.

She needs to find out what is wrong and what to do about it. You may have to just accept that she is going through a phase.
I would assume your wife is feeling down about something else. Just be there for her and not with the expection of having sex.

You won't be the only person in your forties not having regular sex.

at least in my long experience.

Women don't want to have sex if they are pissed off or angry with their partner, or feel bad about themselves. Guys don't care.

I tell my hubby, " You can't be griping all day, or say crappy things to me, and then expect me to be all lovey-dovey".

All men ( and women) would do better in that department if they would think before they speak. Think: how will what I say make my partner feel about themselves?

She has told me sex starts out in the living room by the way I talk to her and by the way I treat her. But being a guy you know it is very important to get it at least twice a week if not more.

Try twice a year....Thank goodness for New Years and my birthday...

Menopause Sucks!

Damn.

My hubby is the biggest griper in the world -- by the time we go to bed, I have no interest in further interaction of any kind.

Oh, and for you guys out there who quit smoking before you got married, then married a lady who thought you would remain a non-smoker, and then you started SMOKING again -- well, you smell awful and that's ANOTHER reason I personally am not so lovey-dovey.

Maybe you just aren't pushing the right "buttons".

Take one night and just make it about her pleasure, make sure she has some. You'll see a difference, I guarantee it.

I told her - hey baby, what could I do for you that would sexually stimulate you the most ? She said leave her alone and not have sex. Well that way didn't work. I cannot complain at all though. She is really good about it. I just wish she was into it more than she is. 2 or 3 times a week isn't really that bad at 47 years old. She is 44.

GIVE IT UP BITCH!

She is very strong minded.

That would get you endless nights by yourself on the couch at my house!

Sheesh

Just curious?

Also, Oprah has done some shows on woman who just don't want sex. Apparently, there are a lot of them.

rose pedals on top of the water and have supper cooked and the table set and I do the dishes and tell her after your bath get ready for your footrub baby. And we don't always have sex. She says that turns her on when I do all that and don't have sex. Well I defeated my own purpose then huh ? But I do love her a lot and respect her feelings. Nobody gets it every time they want it. Nobody.

I'm just throwing things out there...

I mean, just wow! There are men in the world who do stuff like that?

Don't get me wrong, I love my BF, but he's never done anything remotely like that.

Wow, again.

I have no idea what you are talking about.

she is really saying no. Its turned into a joke. I whisper something sweet, she says
'maybe", I laugh. She laughs. Nothing happens.

To a guy i most likely mean yes :p

It's an airtight no in our house.

she doesn't like to turn me down, so instead of saying no, its maybe.

You're always touching your organ, to go to the bathroom, etc., it's just hanging out there all the time. All those nerves are there, so you're fundamentally copping a feel throughout the day.

So you think about it more--IMO.

Just a theory of mine.

see a good looking woman it does turn me on. What difference does it make where you get your hunger from as long as you eat at home ? You know ?

Obviously you're going to get turned on by other people, but maybe your wife feels like you're wanting to have sex rather than wanting to make love/have sex with HER? I mean, in another reply you say that it's "very important" for men to have sex, maybe she'd like to feel sometimes that it's about your feelings for her rather than your need to have sex?

I don't know. This is such a personal issue, and you guys could be the most loving couple in the world. Just throwing things out there, and I could be talking out of my ass for sure.

Marsha is the best. I have told her lots of times I couldn't ever get anyone better than her. It is true.

eh, maybe it's just a period she's going through.
Hoping you get more soon!

edit, incorrect post I replied to. You would scratch your head wondering what I was saying there.

IF WE DON'T WANT IT WE ARE FRIGID IF WE DO WE ARE WHORES. THERE'S ALWAYS THAT PESKY MATTER OF.....PREGNANCY. I CAN TURN ON THE TV AND SEE AND ENDLESS PARADE OF GYRATING BIMBOS FOR YOUR SATISFACTION. WHAT DO I GET? I DUNNO, HOW ABOUT......JACK BLACK. MAYBE IF YOU HAD *DONE* THE F***ING LAUNDRY SHE'D BE HAPPIER. SHUT UP AND GO KILL SOMETHING.

It is the legal law of the land. Remember the PM ?

MAYBE YOU'RE JUST NOT GOOD IN BED. MEN RARELY EVEN REMOTELY THINK THAT COULD BE A REASON. HAVE YOUR WIFE START A THREAD WITH HER VERSION. I BET THAT WOULD BE AN EYE-OPENER.

I used to be a whore when I was divorced and dating at Parents without partners. All of those women were not faking it when they were screaming. And hunting rules !

Personally I think men are lots of fun and when I was dating, it was just as much fun to "fuck" a man casually as it was for a man to do this as some women are always claiming happens. Sheesh! It works both ways.

The woman sounds kind of bored. It gets that way if you've been with the same man a long time. Let's face it.

She hates hunting too.

It just keeps getting better. We are soul mates. She is my best friend and always will be. If I don't get it as much as I want, well so what ? I still love her with all my heart. It could always be a lot worse.

my boyfriend is ten years younger than me and I am VERY HAPPY WITH HIM. But no I don't F*** casually; what the f***ing hell is that. GROSS.

I would like to know how you surmised from them that she is an "unhappy woman."

Knowing who you are though, I know that you won't answer that question; instead you will come up with something from out in left field.

No more pies anymore, eh? This isn't rocket science, dearie-

He's sho shexy!!!!

Or nurses, teachers, etc.....

all the women in my life have been insatiable love-monkeys. :)

Oh comeon, KG, you knew I just HAD to respond. ;) :thumbsup: :P :bounce:

Just we want guys that knows what they're doing :)

the have twice as much work and twice as much on their minds. do YOU help with the laundry or do you sit on your ass and watch the game?

giving her the big O and all that, could it be a hormonal problem? I saw a talk show once with a woman named Christina Ferrare as the guest. She said she had no sexual desire and went to a doctor and got some type of hormonal medication and then it came back. She was a very attractive woman who looked to be in her late forties, so maybe it was some type of menopausal thing.

She had a total hysterectomy where they took out everything about 7 months ago. She has a hormone patch and takes pills too. That does explain a lot of it.

his girfriend who was having menopause. Her doctor was working on adjusting the dosages and medications. I don't know if she ended up finding the right combination because they broke up for reasons other than the sex.

women should just face up to the fact that they get bored, just as men do. Women think about sex all the time too. They just don't admit it. Any woman screaming at you here is either frustrated, hates men or is jumping on this as an opportunity to cut off some balls.

The fact is - women think about it all the time. If you've been with the same man for a long time, it can get kind of boring - it works the same for men who get bored with the same woman all the time. We are all the same. Women who try to make us all into two separate species are extremely fucked up and the cause of the problems today.

We all think about it. We all want it. (well most of us) and we would fuck casually too if we didn't allow ourselves to get hung up. There are lots of men out there who want emotion or else no sex. Believe me on this one. Men and women are no different. Anyone who tells you they are just does not know.

Women who scream like this at you like I see on this board are just taking advantage of your open question in order to "beat up on a man".

So in answer to your question, you seem to be doing some real nice things but you need to ask your wife why she does not appreciate you. It sounds like she is bored. No matter what you do.

Good advice.

:

n/t

part don't you get???????

at this point.

Bearfan's wife had a hysterectomy 7 months ago; have you either been through that, or been around a woman that has? It's not exactly like taking Fluffy to the vet to get spayed.

You judge all women on this thread by your own experiences and then go on to basically say "any other opinion is bull."

Here's my opinion...and it is solely my opinion--no "facts" whatsoever to back it up: You sound like a woman that will say anything to get attention from men-anything at all. Whatever a man says, thinks or does, you are going to change your opinion, persona, and actions to please him.

Just my opinion. I am pretty sure you are going to tell me to take a flying leap---and again-I think I know who you are and really just find this stuff amusing. I'll be looking forward to reading some more of your posts in the Lounge--if I am right, then I have a good idea as to whom you will respond to, and what threads to look for.

over me. Really, you are just too much!!!!!!!!!!!

hysterechtomy when I was not even 24 years of age. So don't even try to think you know anything about me.

You wrote:

"We all think about it. We all want it. (well most of us) and we would fuck casually too if we didn't allow ourselves to get hung up. There are lots of men out there who want emotion or else no sex. Believe me on this one. Men and women are no different. Anyone who tells you they are just does not know."

I never said I thought I knew anything about you. I wrote that I think I know who you are, find this stuff amusing, and that I would be looking forward to reading your posts in the future.

who said you knew me. What a crock! Listen to yourself once in a while.

I agreed with your original statement but you should have kept it at that. You're gettin' a little personal here, my friend.

Then you here's a hint: perhaps having almost died at such a young age and having major surgery makes me want to cut through all the bullshit in life and really live every day, and enjoy every partner, and see good things in people, enjoy the company of fun people (men included), see the positive side in things........................every minute counts.

BIG TIME

"The fact is - women think about it all the time."

Not all women think about sex all the time -- just like men, some do, some don't.

I've been married 26years -- there have been numerous times when sex was the FARTHEST thing from my mind -- and for months on end. Sometimes other things going on in your life are more important, more time-consuming, and/or more emotionally/physically draining and don't leave any energy for thoughts of romance/sex.

Not everyone needs or wants sex on a daily or even weekly basis.

What authority/background do you have to say, "Men and women are no different. Anyone who tells you they are just does not know."? This is a pretty broad blanket statement!

People are different -- sounds like you are trying to force everyone into your idea of the way things should be.

n/t as it doesn't need anything.

One thread and I have you number PP.
Maybe you want to hang around a little longer before you start talking about the women here.

I'm still waiting for mine!

until then, women will probably prefer their shower massager named "steve."

sheesh!!!!! Where do some of you get your ideas from?????? Honestly, I think you all must read too much Cosmopolitan or watch too many American movies or something. LOL!!!!

most men look at sex like its a mere event unrelated to what happened before or happens afterward. that is just biologically driven behavior.

and from the paucity of understanding about women in your post, i doubt (and sadly) if a woman has ever told you that you made love to her with your mind instead of just your penis.

as to there being no differences between the male and female of the species, vis-a-vis sex, perhaps you are unaware that there are dramatic hormonal differences, testosterone in men produces two major behaviors, fuck it or kill it. in females, the hormone oxytocin tends to flood the female even if her skin is simply stroked and induces increadibly strong feelings of attachment, relationship, nurturing, holding, and touching.

each of these has a biological base, even if you reject the affects of these chemicals on the brain.

the problem lies in the fact that in modern society, women and men often are working against their biological givens.

it doesn't mean that men can't or should not be more sensitive, since today, it is an imperative, but that they have to be educated to do so.

for women in today's culure, part of the demand on a woman is that she has to fight for her own autonomy and not simply define herself in terms of her relationships.

the whole point of evolution is to go beyond what went before.

:

!

being amature psychologists, reading too much in magazines and watching way too much in movies - instead of just having some fun!

seems to me you were being an "amature psychologist" in that post.

Pot, meet kettle.

What is wrong with stopping and trying to analyze what the problem is and finding a solution (aka "amature psychologist")?

I take that as a compliment!!! BTW: I am very gentle and my biggest turn on is pleasing my partner and seeing to her needs.

Those mechanical boyfriends are sooooooooooo low maintenance !

Have you had this conversation with your wife? Ask her what she needs.

I'm not a husband so I'm probably not your target audience for this question but this is an issue for the two of you to work out together. Maybe there's a reason she doesn't want intercourse. It could be as simple as feminine dryness or something like that. WHo knows? But I'd suggest you talk with her about it - in a very understanding way.

Edited for spelling.

It would make me feel good knowing that she actually liked it instead of the let's get it over with crap.

Shortly after my wife hit 35, her drive sharply increased. I gather that that is fairly common.

If your mate has a "get it over with" attitude, then something isn't right. I hope that you two can take constructive action and end up happier.

i often meet guys that behaves like were in a episode of friends.. they are shy, and just try to joke around. Making no advancement whatsoever. Behaving like were just friends... then they complain that we like "bad" guys more.

:

but of course, one who is self-centered usually looks for excuses beyond the mirror.

good one..


You dont have to take out your insecurity on me though.

why does that not come as a surprise.

:

I scared a few away with my appetite before I met my husband. Sometimes guys think they want a woman who's sex drive is really strong, then it ends up like "be careful what you asked for".

I've scared away at least one boyfriend with my sex drive. He simply couldn't keep up with me. Granted, like anyone, I have my 'up' days and my 'down' days, but if anything my libido is probably on the high side of average (or at least on the right shoulder of the normal distribution) for human beings, never mind males and females specifically. However, I do also admit that some people have less of an interest in sex than I do.

Actually, from the information revealed in this thread, it sounds like the poor fellow's wife might need her hormone replacement medications altered, and it also sounds like a case of libido mismatch. (He also sounds like he has a sex drive sitting somewhere on the right shoulder of the normal distribution -- 2-3 times a week is statistically average for most North American couples, and probably sufficient for most, according to the research I've read.)

As to practical solutions to the problem? Well, masturbation is fun...

in graduate school (home to the world's most inhibited men) when I met a sweet, attractive guy, seemed to hit it off with him, and then sent out signals strong enough to reach across the country, only to have NOTHING happen.

I never figured up why the majority of male college professors are married when male graduate students are mostly world-class social slugs.

This wasn't my imagination, either. When I was in treatment for depression during those years, my therapist (at the university mental health clinic) told me that many female graduate students told him the same thing.

I'd guess.

That and wiring and plumbing.

but then I learned what little I know from listening to blues songs.

After reading all the responses, I have to say, it is unrealistic to think there is anything you can do when your wife is only 7 months post-hysterectomy. Being romantic and doing the laundry is wonderful, and it's sweet, but it is probably just putting even more pressure on her. This is going to have to be addressed between her and her doctor. It can take a great deal of adjusting the levels of the hormone patches to get it right. Until her meds are at a proper balance, she is not going to feel any desire even if you are the best thing on four wheels. What gets my goat is so many doctors do not want to spend enough time on this issue of peri/menopause or surgically caused menopause. For instance, if your wife tells the doctor she has lack of desire and an inability to lubricate, and the answer is, "Try Replens," maybe she needs a new doctor. Some women actually benefit from a small amount of testosterone being added to the mix, but doctors seems reluctant to prescribe this, for whatever reason. I wish you luck but talking to your wife, even being a hero to your wife is, in a way, pressuring her. If she doesn't feel desire, she doesn't feel desire. She needs to go in and demand answers, and if one doctor can't help her, she needs to try another. I don't know any shortcuts. :-(


you both sound like wonderful people, by the way, i'm sorry you're going through this

I will talk to her about it.

I'd be pretty sure its the hysterectomy and the changes in her hormones. I'm in my 30's, but I have 4 children, all breastfed for at least a year (not cycling during those times). For me, what this did at the time was it dropped my hormone levels from Va-Va-Voom to responsive, but didn't really think about it outside the bedroom. Once I read that the hormonal changes with menopause and when the hormones are kept down because of pregnancy and lactation tend to make women feel on a similar level sexually. I guess I can say is a couple of things. First, be kind and gentle and patient. Let her know this is still very important to you and you will do whatever it takes to make her feel happy and satified, then make sure you do that. Secondly, she may need her hormones adjusted. Like Amazona said, a small dose of testosterone may help. Also, women can get, well, rather dry, so things aren't as comfortable. Her doctor could prescribe an estrogen cream that would take care of that problem.
Anyway, I hope things work out because this is such an important part of life and we all deserve enjoyment. Right now, I'm having a similar (though not exactly the same) problem with my hubby as you are with your wife, but I won't get into that. Trying to work on it though, but it is hard.

"A man has to have sex to feel good while a woman has to feel good to have sex."

Your wife's hysterectomy is a major factor. I was a 2-3 times a week wild woman before menopause. BAM! Now, it's another item on my to-do list. I am not particularly happy about that, but it is what it is. My husband is retired and helps out a lot around this house, but I get the idea that the reason he does it is to get a piece. Could your wife feel the same?

Being married, doing housework, and making love / having sex with my wife are all part of being married to me.

Now I'm SURE it has to do with how she feels about herself. If I was betting, I'd say she probably feels unattractive and down on herself. I think you should back off and really be kind. If it is her idea, without pressure, I think you might be surprised.

She feels bad also because she has gained some weight which is normal after a hysterectomy. We are doing okay though.

I don't know anything about it because I don't have kids and have never had a hysterectomy, but it must be a really huge thing for a woman to adjust to, as Misinformed1 points out above.

is that hormones are a really tricky subject and they have a major impact on womens' sexuality, and we really have no control over that...which is yet another source of frustration. Everything that comes along with menopause...aging, kids leaving, parents getting old, etc are major worries for women in your wife's age group.

That doesn't happen with my wife. In fact, there are days when she's far more into it than I am.

As for the question, "Why aren't women into sex as much as men?" The only answer that seems appropriate is another question: "They aren't?"

Last night one of my buddies got a text message from a girl he's seeing

"Come over I need a f___ so bad right now!"

Obviously a classy girl

who wants to have sex with a guy she's involved with? Seriously. What makes a women with a strong sex drive somehow less "classy" than one who doesn't?
Calling Dr. Freud- Madonna/Whore complex in isle 11!

I am saying that women are interested in sex and I was making A JOKE about the sentence she left

Just food for thought. Our culture just has a bad habit of equating this: sexual woman = bimbo = dumb woman = less worthy
It can be a slippery slope, my friend.

Peace :hippie:

If the situation was reveresed...thought it was a brash message is all

don't tell my lover it's not okay for me to initiate sexual contact, please. If he finds out I'm a whore, that might be the end!!

plain and simple.

My husband is the one who is almost totally uninterested in sex, which really sucks because we're trying to have a baby. Not all women aren't into sex. Maybe she's bored.

EDIT: Other people said what I had to say better than me.

Good Luck.

:hi:

:)

...do with the sex issues. Or perhaps it's not her and maybe it's you? Maybe it's Independent of both of you?

Perhaps a simple question has a complex answer?

other stuff to do and so much other stuff on our minds,(???) I dunno. :shrug: :-)