This may be an indelicate time to bring this up...

but I'm running for Pope. I hope I can count on your support. And believe you me, there'll be some BIG changes when Pope Dookus I dons the ring.

I promise to take off my hat while posting here. I'll just be plain ol' Dookus to you guys.

That will be quite cool. You might want to keep that quiet until you it's official, though. They prefer the names of other popes.

every pope name was new once. I will be the first of a long line of Dookuses.

Maybe Robbie Coltrane, the fat Giant from the Harry Potter movies.

it's your soul. Enjoy hell, ya heathen.

You need experience first silly. You think they just make you pope just like that.

The College of Cardinals can pick ANYBODY - one needn't be a Cardinal. It's the perfect job for me.

but I am liking this Francis of Assisi dude, he sounds like he'd make a good pope.

get on board, and there's a nice archbishopric for you. How does Hawaii sound?

I have me a girl I like.

like your life would change....

but the Dookus papacy ain't about celibacy, baby. Imagine the Vatican turned into the world's largest Playboy mansion. I'll tear out the Sistene Chapel and put in a hot tub and grotto.

Rather would live humbly with her than in a big palace.

i'll make her your Special Assistant for Procreative Affairs. Anything's possible with Pope Dookus.

Though private prayer gets me through and the belief that there is something beyond the tunnel. Its made the last couple days easier.

Who are you to tell Dookus he can't "just be pope?" ;)

:shrug:

;-)

went to Catholic School and she can help me catch up.

Be prepared for a tough campaign, Dookie boy.

I was Catholic for my whole childhood. I got a leg up on your wife. Oh wait.. that sounds rather unpopely.

Get your leg off my wife by the way or I'll infalliably have you struck dead by the intercession of the blessed virgin.

you'll be the anti-pope at best. Don't make me get all smitey.

You need a serious mitre to be a smiter and the mitre will go on the head of this fighter and don't even think that the race will be tighter cause man in votes for pope you couldn't possibly be lighter.

Ali ain't got nothing on me.

is a big no-no. You are SOOOO going to hell.

support.


Not only is Pete a key supporter but he's a key supporter with a key. If you don't get through Pete's Gate, well man, there's only one place for a failed Pope wannabee man, and, let's put it this way, they're keeping somtin' warm for ya man.

Peter is the equivalent of DNC chairman.

We need some new blood, not some heavenly insider.

You young ones never get it...

You shouldn't step on the wrong toes. Things get done the old fashioned way, pressing the flesh, curing the sick, performing miracles and condemning sinners.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get some Hail Mary's said and shrink some rather nasty tumors...

I wonder, just what kind of smoke is that ,eh?

has the worlds largest collection of pornography, will you be releasing that to the public?

you can view it on the vatican website for only $19.95/month.

Or, I guess more rightly, I'll send letters to the Cardinals to vote for you.

yes, people, PLEASE email your cardinals.

A shame for me. Since I learned I am a religious bigot, I will have to oppose you, regardless of your actual policies or positions.

That said, I hope you will consider implementation of Gin & Tonic as a replacement for sacramental wine, if only during the humid summer months.

They didn't call you a bigot.. they said spigot

:bounce:

But I still want to suggest gin & tonic to replace sacramental wine in the summer.

G&T is a bit WASPY for the Catholic church. But I CAN promise a decent Merlot.

All around! With more, if you feel you didn't quite connect with the Holy Other the first time.

nt

but what's BC? The comic? I will excommunicate Jonny Hart immediately.

and I didn't mean that kind of position, either.

yes, birth control will be mandatory. I've met precious few people whose genes need passing on.

:7

We'll be having a membership drive as one of my first acts. I think the church has been too exclusive of non-Catholics for too long.

see your way clear from changing the communion wafers to matzo and the service to Saturday...i'm there.

That's one awesome crib you'll have there.

and the parties will be awesome.

Preferably dark-skinned. Time to shake up the institutions.

I don't think the faithful will want to go much further than a gay atheist this time around. But I will pick a married black lesbian as my successor.

LOL

Will you re-insitute the practices of "indulgences"?

Even the most heinous sins will be forgiven if you help me score the right bling.

:bounce:

smoke, babe.. ;) :hi:

we'll have some awesome smoke.

Hope you win!!

I will put your picture on the front wall of the Sistine Chapel.

:scared:

once I get in, I'll call ya sistah.

That frock the current pope wears is so...TACKY. :-)

You'll have my support.

T

Cher's costume designer to work on it. Mine will be known as the Fabulous Papacy.

I don't think we've ever had a 'Pope Dookus' before. that sounds really classy!
Good Luck Dookus! i hope you get it. I'll look for the lavender smoke...

:hi:

Just wondering.

with a cheese-hat. Just as classy.

Or give her a cardinal to play with.

Oh wait, aren't cardinals songbirds?

:evilgrin:

put in charge of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.

And, by all means, invite us all to the Vatican for a BIG party!

:party:

And, I especially wanna see all of the "museum quality" artwork...and, those cute Swiss Army guards that protect you...up close!

O8)


:yourock:

we'll be rockin' St. Peter's Square, that's for sure.

But keep yer hands off the Swiss Guards - they're my personal detail. BTW, did you know you can use them for bodyguarding AND opening a bottle of wine? And they have a phillips-head screwdriver on 'em.

Surely, your "Holy-Father-To-Be" can grant us at least one wish!
Can't you? Pretty please?


:D

Or do you call them "indulgences"?

DOOKUS FOR PRESIDENT... uh, I mean, Pope.

Dookus likes that. One Get Out of Hell Free Card for NV Whino.

I'm gonna need a lot of them.

on the frequency and quality of the suckupitude.

I dunno about frequency... I'm pretty busy these days. Can we compromise?

I expect frequent, high-quality suck-upitude, or it's the fiery pits of hell for you.

But thanks for the one timer. I'll save it for when I reeeealy need it.

He says no war. They ignore him.
He says no sex. They ignore him.
He says no contraceptives. They ignore him.
Is there anybody more superfluous?

--IMM

my papacy will be quite different. For starters, mass will feature Mojitos and cheesecake.

After you give us back sex, of course.

--IMM

white smoke

Did I win? Huh? Did I?

You win

Where's my smitin' wand?

Keep those Vatican reporters on their toes.

I mean, for the world, not you personally, but that's fine too.

And what about plaid skirts for catholic high school girls. You'll keep those right?

but I will demand people be educated about contraception and STDs.

way are you catholic. That helps

I admit, it's an uphill battle. But according to the polling I've done here on DU, I'm the frontrunner. In your FACE, Ratzenberger!

Oh... and I was baptized Catholic. If they're gonna claim me as one, they gotta accept me now.

one. By the way I am a baptized catholic too but for some reason or other I don't think I will get named as a candidate

just a few weeks ago.

And no, you won't get named cuz you're not running. I intend to win this thing... next I'm going to New York... and New Hampshire... and Washington... and Virginia... and North Carolina....

I hope you'll consider this business proposal:

I've been cleaning church properties for many years; mostly St. Paul's and St. Xavier's but I think I might be able to polish an extra Peter from time to time. I understand that your organization is full of sizable Peter's but I don't want to get my hands too full here.

In my business, it's easier to satisfy the needs of the more modest Peter's. I'm sure it comes as no surprise to you that I can do more with 2 or 3 medium sized Peter's than an especially large one.

I look forward to meeting with you to discuss your needs. If you happen to have St. Catherine's or St. Mary's that need janitorial services; I can make a referral.

Respectfully,
9_S_F

on behalf of all the church Peters.

Of course I'll vote for you, Dookus!

:hi:

and I won't call on my "Cardinals for Truth" friends.

God already told me that i'm the next pope. The destiny is already decided, and about to be fulfilled, and YOU WILL FAIL IN YOUR QUEST!

Boy, there's gonna be a new sheriff in town when i hit Rome.
The Professor