Have you ever farted in front of people by accident?

Confession........... I have.


I had about 20 people over last weekend for a party.
We were all sitting around, telling jokes etc.
Someone got me laughing really really really hard and.....
it happened. I farted. LOUD. On a wood floor.
It echoed. And every single person heard it.
There was no denying it. Well, once I did it I laughed harder so
I FARTED AGAIN. It was like a nightmare.
I had to jump up & run out of the room to collect myself.
When I finally was under control I went back into the living room
my friend Jon said, "Why did you run out? Was it a squisher?"
I spent the next 5 minutes explaining that I ran out so I would stop farting.


A seriously unladylike event.

I have to say... I'm still pretty embarrassed.

HA!

:shrug:

It just sort of came out with no warning. I wish there was something I could've done to prevent it. It stank to high heaven, too.

I spent the next 5 minutes apologizing profusely for what I had did. They had retreated to the other side of the room.

I really don't think my boss has forgiven me for that since it happened almost 4 months ago. He's been acting more sullen towards me lately.

(BTW, this is my football job, not my delivery job)

LOVE your sig line!!! :thumbsup:

I was getting worried!

especially "why did you run out? Was it a squisher?"

Oh, God - the tears are rolling down my face! Thanks for the laugh!

So I'm a friggin' HOG, otay?

:crazy:

I remember once, I was at work, standing in the warehouse smoking a cig. Several of the forklift guys were around. I let loose a silent but deadly...One of the guys said "Oh damn! Somebody shit their pants!" and proceeded to blame it on the other guys, who all denied it. One of them suggested that it was me, but the original sniffer said "Her? Please! That awful smell couldn't come out of her!" To make it worse, I was cracking up, and they kept coming...They never figured out it was me.

Couldnt come out of her....

I let it go underneath the basket so nobody drove the paint for about five minutes.
:evilgrin:

I'm cracking up, here!!!

I was watching a movie with a guy I was friends with but had a small crush on. He was sitting on one couch, I was on the other. The leather one mind you. This was in college when two different couches was to be expected.
All of a sudden a funny part in the movie came up and I laughed really hard the force of the laugh pushed one out. To make matters worse it reverberated on the leather. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him whip his head in my direction but I stayed staring straight ahead like nothing happened. But of course then I had the giggles about the whole thing for the next ten minutes which made him even more suspicious. I never fessed up.

BUT I was telling a guy at work how embarrassed I was, and telling him the story, and I AM NOT kidding he laughed and farted standing right there. His face turned bright red. We both laughed so hard we couldn't breathe. True story.

I had been sitting in my cube all alone for a long time writing a script which required really deep concentration and I hadn't noticed but I let a few go in my chair underneath me. Pretty soon it dawned on me that when I finally did move or get up that all of that trapped air might leave a signal to someone of just what I had been up to. So I thought o.k. I'll get up really fast and leave the area .. then come back when the air is clear.

Just as I got up and started to leave my cube, my manager and a co-worker started coming in... they forced me to back up and it was bad... like a green cloud hanging in between us. They could barely contain their facial expressions and I wanted to laugh at how embarrassing that was or say "sorry" or something ... but all I could do was stand there. All three of us standing there... barely breathing acting like nothing had just happened.

I was embarrassed for two days over that.

but i've had a few girls who have let some loose on me in intimate situations which left them quite embarrassed...I think i just let out silent ones which leave them knowing i did it, without the immediate humiliation of a loud noise.

now that's embarrassing.

"Sweetie, you bring out the best in me."

or maybe "thank you, sir, may I have another?"

I've let a few go that were either heard or smelt by others unintentionally. For some reason this happens most frequently in the supermarket. One incident still makes me chuckle. I felt an urgent need, so I headed for a vacant aisle, knowing the nature of the beast was exceedingly foul that day. I lingered a moment to allow dispersal...didn't want it 'trailing' me, ya know. I saw the front end of a shopping cart turning into my aisle, so I quick-stepped to the other end and slipped around the corner before I was seen. Morbid curiosity got the better of me, so I maneuvered myself to the far side of a canned-goods display and began studying the labels. The cart was piloted by a young Asian mother with three children - a boy & girl walking alongside her and a baby in the cart seat. As they got closer, the mother stopped abruptly and addressed a question to her son (yeah, right, it's always the boy...NEVER the girl!), who shook his head in denial. She then checked the baby's diaper! At that point I had to take full cover behind the cans to hide my laughter.

But I couldn't let loose with a belly-laugh, for that would have betrayed my guilt. I made noises like that sneaky dog in that cartoon...this one



When I finally caught up with my wife and told her, she was none too impressed. She rolled her eyes, shook her head, and said, 'I guess you want a medal or something?' Well...YEAH!

My dad calls him "that asthmatic dog."

I got a guy in my church who laughs just like him!

The weasel sounds just like Muttley.

the tears are running down my face from laughter. LOLOL

"Was that a mouse on a motorcycle?"

That's a *nice* one. Watch out for the ones that sound like two ten-pound carp slapping around in a live well!

This guy had a date with a girl he had been admiring for a long time, and he was a bit nervous because he thought she was really sophisticated. They went out for dinner & a movie and on the drive home he felt the need to vent to atmosphere...badly. They were on a deserted stretch of highway, and there had been uncomfortable silences already, so he couldn't just *blaaaat* it out. He remembered there was a wooden bridge ahead, so he planned to let it go as the car crossed the planks, covering the noise. With all systems *go*, he was distressed to see that the wooden bridge had been replaced with a paved one. He had no choice but to let go - without the wooden bridge to hide the deed. After the echoes died and stench filled the car, he knew he had to say something...ANYthing...to break the silence. He said, 'ummm...have you seen today's paper?'

She said, 'no, but if you pull over to the side of the road, you might find some dead leaves you can wipe with.'

fart story thread.
Test farts on the bus. It's a well-known George Carlin bit.
We are a society that lives in fear of farts. My are just fine, but your's smell like shit.

I did it on purpose, though, so it doesn't count.

I was with a friewnd and we were visiting one of her friends.

I poofed out a silent but deadly. It was peeling the paint off the walls and I was trying to look nonchalant. The woman we were visiting perked up, looked at her German Shepherd asleep on the floor, said "oh my Christ, he's been eating vegetables again" and scooted the dog outside.

I was happy that the dog got the blame, until my friend and I were driving away and she said that she was so glad the dog had been there to accept the blame for the stench as she had accidentally farted.

We had doubled up and it was a double dose of stench and the dog got all the blame.

I love dogs.

It was a biggish track meet and it must have been heard by a lot of people in the crowd, although there was no way they could have known it was me.
I apologised to the other athletes later. They'd all heard it and were wondering who was responsible.

BTW, I won the race, and in my best time ever. Wind assisted???

did not do!

I decided to go get lunch at the Rice Epicurean Market one day and while traipsing up and down the aisles I encountered this old man who obviously had no sphincter control. He was walking in front of and me and ripped a very loud one. I did a u-turn and headed for the deli. As I was heading to the check out this guy suddenly appears in front of me and rips another rafter rattler. He then makes a sharp turn down another aisle and as I continue through the fog these two women are staring AT ME and giving ME the stink eye. I just shrug. So I head for the express check out (always the slowest lane) and lo and behold who appears behind me but King Barking Spider, who in an effort not to disappoint, lets loose on one that rustled the pages of those tabloids at the check out stand. Even the cashier LOOKED AT ME, so I turn around to say something and the old bastard tells ME I should see a doctor about that!

I swear I crawled back to work.


It's funny.......NOW.

http://www.funfry.com/data/654/1Farting_Preacher_Robert_Tilton_funny_video_funfry.wmv

Starring Robert Tilton, the smarmiest, sleaziest televangelist. Honestly, it's worth the wait for the download!

"Every man loves the smell of his own farts."

}( ;(

:evilgrin: