DU Heterosexual Married Women: Did You Take Your Husband's Surname?

I'm just curious is all. I've yet to meet a woman who didn't take her husband's surname after marriage, but, I hear about women doing it all the time. :)

:hi:

my maiden name sucked.

I couldn't wait to change mine.

If I hadn't married, I might have anyway!

But not hyphenate it.

Neither of us changed our names.

She's a retired vet, so the sheer volume of paperwork was intimidating. Also, she has a career that involves a lot of networking, and a name change could hamper her.

I didn't, because I was going for custody of my daughter. I guess I could now, but it doesn't matter.

We both answer to both. A lot of our families refer to us using my last name, and she answers. When I get called from her business, or doing local bill paying, etc., I'm referred to by her last name. Again, no big deal.

Maybe we should hyphenate?

BTW, notice that the only people who hyphenate have names that work? You never see a name like Lipschitz-O'Malley.

And I don't think I ever would. But that is for me only; altering your name to some is a life-changing event, and to others it's nothing. For me, if I had changed my name, it would have changed me in a way I didn't want. For others, changing their name lets them let go of unwanted baggage....

her maiden name starts with a W, my Dad's name starts with an A

It's a long story but my family name would of died with my
generation we are all girls ... I like my name and my
family history . My husband's dad was a jerk and beat his
mom and he could care less about carrying on his dad's family
name . So we decided as a gift to my grandfather years
before we married to keep my family name alive , I had a
son who will carry it always .

:hug:

When I changed my name my hubby requested that I put my maiden name in as my middle name cuz he liked it so much. Our son doesn't carry it and my brother hasn't had any kids (yet) we'll have to see how attached our son is to his middle name some time in the future just to keep the family name alive (of course there are hundreds of others in our family...of the 37 odd grand kids only 4 are girls)

I hated my middle name. I always thought Laura Jean sounded just a bit too goofy. I wanted to acknowledge my husband's family--they are really into the whole genealogy thing. I didn't want to give up my name completely.

Hence the Davsand... My Maiden name was Davis. I am now Laura Davis Sand...

I am told the maiden name becoming a middle name thing is a lot more common in the south--does anyone know?


Laura

Try on Debi Jo for size!!

I did the same thing, kept my maiden name as my middle name.

depending.

I kept the same last name as my son until after the adoption...then I legally changed my name so we'd all have the same...kinda neat.

debated for a bit, but then realized that with the patriarchal history of surnames, it's just another man's (my dad) name I'd be keeping.

women will ALWAYS be prone to giving up their udentities.

hip to the idea. I have no ties to anyone except my dad that has my maiden name...it didn't mean anything to me except it came from a deadbeat grandfather...

I can see your point, but if they all go back to a man anyway, what's the point?

I've yet to decide when/if I'll change it back. It doesn't much matter to me and I loathe extra paperwork. :D

There were a few reasons. I never really was in love with my maiden name. It was a little too Jewish for me (Levy). I am Jewish, but I wanted to seem less ethnic or whatever. Also, I adore my husband and love showing off as Mr & Mrs.

It is my identity - I would probably never give it up.

It was second marriages for both of us and THIS time (will be 24 years in July) I was changing my lifestyle NOT my identity.

So, after I thought about the whole thing a good long while, I said to him a few months before we married, "Look, I don't know if I can wear a wedding ring or not, and I am pretty sure I can't change my name to yours."

He was WELL aware I was a staunch feminist. Even so, he said, "But honey, doesn't changing your name signify the start of a whole new life?

I said, "Why, yes, you're right. Yes it does. So what are you changing yours to?"

END of discussion. Forever. I've never regretted it.

My step-daughter-in-law kept her own name, and my daughter-in-law uses her own name a lot. I'm not totally sure she doesn't also use my son's name -- I ought to check on that.

change their names, that would be cool. A fresh start for everybody!

My wife did.

RL

was starting law school in the Fall) and I wanted to have the same last name as the kids.

in about 15 hours).

I'm not changing it again. If I should marry again, I'm keeping my name legally. I don't care if any kids we have use his last name. I don't care if people call me Mrs. Hisname socially. But it's a pain in the ass to change it the first time, it's going to be an even bigger pain in the ass to change it this time, and I'm not doing it again.

</whining eyesroll knows the next month is going to be a lovely form of paperwork hell>

and also that I didn't want the "changing to his name" paperwork.

Had to petition the court to get my maiden name back. I won't do that again. I yam what I yam.

he didn't want to change his, either.

First marriage - I kept my middle name and took his last name. Totally dropped maiden name.

Divorced and did paperwork to change back to maiden name.

Second marriage - Kept my middle name and hyphenated my last and his last. Hated it! Too long of a signature and too confusing for many.

Divorced and did paperwork to drop the hyphen and his last name.

Third (current) marriage - I really wanted to keep my name, because with my marriage/divorce track record it just made sense, but he really wanted me to have his last name so I took his last name, made my maiden name my middle name.

We are now separated and damn it, I wish I had gone with my instincts. If we do not work out our issues and divorce I will have to change back once again. What a pain - new checks, new credit cards, new social security card, etc.

I swear, if there is a fourth I will not change my name!

One of my friends from high school is married for the 4th time and each time she took her husbands names.

I always like to send her cards and address it with her first, middle, maiden and every married name. Pisses her off! :evil:

but then, I am uppity. Truly, no except very briefly for a couple months but it was too weird (25 yrs ago). I've been me for all my life, and intend on remaining so, even though my son has his father's last name which causes school and bordercrossing problems.

I was 21 when I got married. Had I gotten married, say, now (I am in my 30s) I most likely would not.

Should anything happen to our marriage or to my husband (God forbid) and I were to get remarried (which honestly is not likely to happen), I would not take his name.

No offense to him, but I already have a name, thanks.

On edit, I am talking to my daughter about the idea of, if she were to get married someday, her husband taking HER last name. Or both of them just keeping their own. I'm not TELLING her to do that, just kinda putting the idea in her head... ;-)

Couldn't imagine changing my name for anyone....

But I'm just so rebellious sometimes.
:hippie:

DemEx

I kept my own name -- why play the patriarchal game?

There is NO legal requirement that women (or men) must give up their name after getting married.

was born, it just became lots easier to use it.

I resisted just about as long as I could and still use my maiden name for work.

I know, I guess I'm not really a feminist now.

It's really hard for me to believe that in this day and age people are uncomfortable with a women keeping her own surname, but a staggering amount of them are.

that you can't really be committed to the marriage if you choose to keep your own name. Aren't we getting a little more advanced to retain that kind of mindset?

By all means, change your name if you want to. I don't have any issue with that. I just find it odd that there are still so many men and women who somehow feel that this MUST happen in order to be "really married", or something.

I don't get it. :shrug:

...kind of thing.

It's a remnant of nasty archaic tribalist sexist traditions.

If you grew up with the horrible maiden name that I was burdened with, you might be singing a different tune.

if you hated it so?

My oldest brother changed his name when he entered college. It hurt my dad. I didn't want to inflict the same pain on him, and I figured I'd get married at some point in my life. And I did.

...but hte SO and I both want to add each other's last name if we ever (FAR FAR FAR IN THE FUTURE) get married.
I think that's awesome.

I also don't have a hyphen.

It separates those we'd enjoy knowing from those we woudn't. If someone says something negative to me about keeping my name, I smile and ask them why they're so concerned about it.

Julie

....something along the lines of a Joannie Jeannie Jones...or Sammie Sunnie Samuels....


R R R.....Tikki

We both have German last names, so it's extra long and Germany. It's a real mouthful. I usually just introduce myself with my first name.
Soooooooooo much easier.

...I wouldn't. My name has been my professional name for too long...almost 10 years of bylines. Plus it's less common than his. I'd consider hyphenating as long as we both did it, but I already have two middle names and I wouldn't drop either one of them. One is my mother's maiden name--so both my parents' family names are part of mine, and I like it that way.

I guess I've just been me for too long. There's a lot of things about me I'd like to change, but my name isn't one of them.

it happens all the time.

But go by my married name the rest of the time.

set of last names, with hyphens and 'ofs' and "de"s and has the title of "Count" attached, I am indeed taking my fiance's last name and his title (I'll be a Countess, addressed as "Lady") and so will my daughter.

Worth it... all worth it. I have a short little swiss/german last name that will finally look good placed in front of all the new last names I'm getting.

A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!!

Since I was going to have a baby, I wanted us all to have the same last name. It just felt like the right thing to do for my family. Also, my husband's last name is not very common, where as my last name was pretty common. I like my married last name better than my maiden name.

But there were extraordinary circumstances. I went from a really odd name to a really common, and therefore, less ridiculed one.

I'm such a wuss.

But my DL, SS card, etc. all have my "maiden" name.

So far, after 3 years and a few months of marriage, she has stayed with her maiden name. I'd prefer her to stay with her maiden name as well... but, she thinks having my last name will help with her finding jobs in the future, as she thinks her Chinese last name leads to discrimination sometimes.

I think my name would have a better ring if I did.

And the issue of kids and everyone having the same surname.

She took my surname but only because her maiden name was one on those unpronouncable Polish names composed entirely of vowels.

but I did the second time.

Much to my inlaw's dismay.

In our family we tend to have only female children, hence our family name was dying out. Of my 4 sisters, all married and took their husband's name.

OK, so I'm not having children, so it's not like I'll pass the name on, but damnut! It's a good name.

I kept my name, he kept his name, our son is Garrison my last name-his last name.

My assistant is a woman married to a man, and he took HER name!

my mother hyphenated when she got married and we her three girls are all hyphenated. i like my surname, even though it won't fit on most forms, so i won't change it, and a double-hyphenated name is just too much, so i'll keep mine tyvm. i guess my kids will carry my my second surname hyphenated with their dad's name.

My husband's name is nice but it's not mine. My last name is Spanish and it's a part of me. Some people dont get it but oh well. Too bad for them.

And I'm a little surprised that you don't know any women who didn't change their names. I would guess the vast majority DO change their names, but I meet plenty of women who don't. On the other hand, among my numerous female cousins and male cousins' wives, who add up to about 80 women, I'm one of only 3 who didn't change their names after marriage.

Although I made up my mind on the issue when I was 13 (a long time ago) and feel pretty strongly about my choice, I also feel strongly that whatever a woman wants to call herself is fine with me, whether it's her husband's name or her birth name, or some other name.

In my family, we have 3 last names (kids are hyphenated). It's no big deal for us, and my younger son's classmates came up with a way to handle it when they were all in kindergarten, calling him Sonny X-Y (names have been changed to protect the innocent). We thought they were clever little buggers.

Adults have a much harder time with it, though. I am frequently called "Mrs." Birth Name by people who know my name and also know I'm married. I am also called "Mrs. Husband's Name" by many people who seem to have a problem with my use of my actual name, including relatives who know very well what my name is. I don't get mad when someone who knows my husband calls me Mrs. Hubby, but I do introduce myself with my real name.

Now, when a charity to which we gave a big donation, using our (different) names, which also appear on our check, started sending mail to Abner and DaisyMae Hubby, I started throwing out their further appeals. That, for me, was a diss, even if they felt they were just being efficient. I can always give my money to those other charities that have no difficulty using my actual name rather than the one that's convenient for them.

I know many women who changed their names because they like the tradition, because their husbands wanted them to, because they didn't like their birth names, or because they wanted the whole family including children to have the same names. It's all good.

Just call me by my own name.

(That goes for my first name, too, which people insist on shortening to a nickname.)

he did something terrible right around the time I got married. I was planning to keep my name, but I decided I'd rather have my husband's name than keep my father's name. It's one man's name or the other, really. Even if I took my mother's maiden name, it's still her father's name.

Had I not relocated when we married, I probably would have kept my own name. I didn't have any great affection for my maiden name, but would have kept it for professional reasons if I were established in CA. But since I wasn't, and I love his name, I use it.

I considered hyphenating if my husband was willing to do so as well. He wasn't so I didn't.

It's also a great way of irritating my monster in law.

generic last name (which his father made up, anyway - long story). Maybe it's the ethnicity, maybe it's my age, but I'd have trouble changing it at this point in my life.

I already have 4 names, and I am well established in my profession with my own name. Besides, my husband doesn't care.

I took my "maiden name" back after the first divorce and saw No Reason to switch again.

I preferred to use my professional name at the time, and my husband didn't either way, so it worked out. We're not together anymore after several years of marriage, so that decision saved me the trouble at least of having to change it back or being stuck with his surname.