Cheer me up too, while you're at it...

I'm feeling like crap and have been since last night. The van's new engine is almost installed (third car in six months...) and we have to wait an extra day for one of the parts. We're basically flat broke, just enough to cover the bills and food, so I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to fly out and visit the kids for spring break, or even be able to afford bringing them here for spring break.

Then, apparently I was talking in my sleep this morning and I said something that makes Everythingsxen think I might be cheating on him. I'm not, but if my subconscious is dreaming about other people, how can I be sure I *won't*? What if I am actually a very evil and treacherous person on a subconscious level, and my dark side is just waiting for me to drop my guard?

Then there's the whole national situation. We're never going to be able to afford a house or a condo, or retire, or to travel to other countries, because Xen and I are going to be among the ones steamrollered when the economy tanks. I have a butt-load of student debt that I have no way of getting out of other than death, and if I want to get the kind of job I'm trying for I'll have to take on even more and get an advanced degree.

If I do get an advanced degree and get the job I want, how do I know I won't just suck at it anyway? What if my health gets worse again and I can't keep the job? What if I have to move away from Seattle to go to grad school? I don't think I *can* live anywhere else. Xen's mom keeps telling me about these schools in Florida but I really don't want to move there.

It's just me being selfish again, I guess. I should just keep plugging along and do the stuff I need to do...

"All thoughts to rive the heart are here, and all are vain..."

Tucker

or join one. You won't care any more. At least that is what I tell myself all the time. Honestly, if you can avoid Floriduh, please do. It's got bugs the size of penny loafers. Either that or the bugs are carrying penny loafers. Also, there is only one major road and it is actually longer than the one from where I live to Myrtle Beach.

Have you heard this one:
A bird decided one fall that all of this flying South stuff was a waste of time and energy so he stayed put while all of his friends headed South. However in December the temperature started dropping one night and he decided that maybe he had made a mistake so he quickly took off and headed South to join his feathered brethern. But alas he had only gone a few miles when he ran into heavy sleet and snow, his wings froze up and he plummeted to the ground, landing in a barnyard. With a sigh he closed his eyes and prepared to die. Just then a cow wandered by and deposited a large pile of dung on him, adding to his misery. But, what's this? The warmth of the poop started to thaw him out and he threw back his head and began to sing with the joy of new found life. A big old barn cat heard him, came over, dug him out of the dung and ate him.

This story has three morals.
"He who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy."
"He who digs you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend."
"If you are in the shit and are warm and happy, keep your mouth shut."


Someone else posted it here a few days ago and it made me laugh. :P
Help any? :hug:

But what I've learned is that while I'm in the mess I'm in if I keep my mind focused on my goal I feel a lot better. The bills will never go away no matter how much money you make. But you've got yourself and your will to survive. Just focus on what you're working so hard to achieve. You'll do fine.

At least you'll have transportation soon. And, while things are really tight, you do have food and a roof over your heads.

If you get that advanced degree, the job you wind up with should be enough to make sure that you don't get "steamrollered" -- you should do pretty well at it. (Although, to be honest, I don't like the thought of you leaving Seattle any more than you do! I sure wouldn't, but if it's necessary for your future, you can always move back once you've got your degree.)

And Xen, if you're reading this: there is absolutely no way Tucker would ever cheat on you! Anyone who sees how you interact (in person or on the board) would know that. (And subconsiouses tend to be relatively slutty for everyone ;-)
-- besides, I've heard that, if you have dreams involving sex, they weren't really about sex but about some other big issue in your subconscious.)