So I *know* the teenager's out drinking....

And I have no idea what to do.

Background: she turned 17 a few days ago, told us tonight before her mom went to work she was heading out on the town with the deadbeat her mom was married to, that she still thinks is great because he buys her smokes and lets her do whatever. :eyes:

BUT she calls him "dad", mostly when we tell her she can't do something, regardless of the fact they were only married three years. So we allow it, grudgingly.

So I get a call about an hour ago, one of her friends looking for her. She asks "Is she up at the ****** house?"

This is the former marital home, --about fifteen miles out of town up on a secluded mesa -- the court ordered sold, which is closing on Thursday. The court ordered him to get his things out by about two weeks ago, he's left a bunch of junk the mom is having to deal with. Recognizing she paid the mortgage over the past six months while Wonderboy was off in Hawaii, the judge ordered she get her mortgage payments back after the proceeds are split. Which he thinks is unfair, although he never bothered to show up for any of the court proceedings.

He's done everything he can think of to hinder the sale -- including "renting" the place, which really only means he's bilked a couple out of first, last, and deposit... they called the realtor last week, the marshal's involved, etc. etc.

But I'm getting off track. Rumor amongst my teenage spies is that there's a big party going on up there. I'd bet my truck Wonderboy bought beer and pot and is busily playing king in front of all the teenagers.

Mom is, as I said, at work and frazzled. I can't go up there, I'm on call for the ambulance and can't go more than a few blocks away from the barn. I know all the relevant cops through work. Do I call them and ruin the fun? Do I do nothing? Or what? :shrug:

Also ground her for the next 10 months!

She's already trashed it! :D

...Which means she's punished herself?!? :silly:

if you took all her good stuff and she comes home all shitfaced you can tell her that she passed out and a burglar came and took her stuff.

If she comes home only slightly drunk maybe you can make her drink more, kind of like the kids who are forced to smoke the whole pack of cigarettes that the parents find.

a. They may be trashing the house your wife has a lot of money invested in

b. drunk teenagers may be driving home from this party

c. your wife could be held liable - it is her house

re-read the OP

Huge liability issue, and you wouldn't want those kiddies driving home drunk and killing someone.

And it might get the deadbeat landed in jail. :-)

But, mostly, liability-wise, it's a nightmare.

Because it makes me feel very old, but I would call the cops, too. Or rather, I'd ask one of them to just take a ride past and make sure there is no hellraising going on. This guy may trash the place.

Your inlaws and outlaws are some serious shit, Robb. God grant you strength.

My out of control, too sexy teen is driving me crazy! on the NEXT Jenny Jones

I think the whole story would freak even JJ. :P

the cops. Ask them to drive by. The ex could be in deep shit if they find drugs and booze with a bunch of underagers. They don't have to tell who called.

Mistermonkey's "bio-dad" (that's what he calls him - not to his face) was kinda like that - a coke snorting, pot-smoking drinker who was pretty much 'anything goes' when it came to mistermonkey. Mistermonkey left his mom's and moved in with his bio-dad senior year of high school and their house was apparently party central (I didn't meet him until 15 years after high school).

In mistermonkey's case, it worked out in the long run, his life with mom was crappy though, she is quite literally crazy, which is why he moved in with bio-dad.

Lots of kids do stuff like that (party), but not usually with parents. I almost want to say 'at least she is with a responsible adult' but obviously he isn't really responsible. But maybe it would be worse if there was no adult at all?

If you DO call the cops, you may want to make sure it is anonymous. Although the teenager would likely guess it was you. They're pretty smart that way ;)

I'll share one more thing - mistermonkey still refers to his biological father as 'bio-dad'. He has virtually no relationship with his mom, but he is still really really close with his step-dad (who isn't with mom anymore - in fact, he has remarried) because his step-dad raised him and got him throught the tough years with his mom. He calls him DAD. I can tell by the way mistermonkey talks which 'dad' he is referring to, he really considers the dad who raised him to be the real one. I imagine that your teenager will, too.

That doesn't sound like "responsible" to me. If he were chaparoning and not drinking, that'd be one thing, but even Larry Eustachy lost his job for partying with college sorority girls.

I said 'obviously he isn't really responsible'...

I was just thinking through the circumstances. As someone who dabbled in partying in high school, I knew one kid whose mom would ask HIM for pot and he always seemed to have alcohol on weekends. I think there are more parents like that around than there should be, and that's essentially what the original poster is faced with right now (unless I totally misread his post). A borderline deadbeat dad who lets his kid get away with anything.

I certainly don't think it is appropriate, to clarify.

edit: spelling

Sorry if I gave the impression that it was. :-)

I did more than my fair share of partying in high school. We always loved to hang out and have big parties at the house of the "cool parents," and you wouldn't believe the things we got away with at their homes.

I think we behaved better when adult permissiveness wasn't a factor. We felt "safe" at the homes of these "cool parents" who wouldn't have given a damn if we would have gotten naked and had a drunken orgy on the pool table in the basement. (We didn't, BTW. :D )

Now that I am a parent, I look back and wish that my parents would have reigned me in a little bit. Problem was, they didn't know about what I had done until after I had done it--so they never really had the opportunity to say "you can't do that."

Robb has that chance--and I think he should use it tonight.

Your mission is to make sure your children are safe. It is not to make sure that they get the same chances to get killed as you got.

Several dozen "contributing" charges might knock him down a few notches.

If you have cop friends, I'd call in some favors tonight. Let us know how it goes.

First, in my experience guys who liquor up teenaged girls are looking for more than hero-worship, if you get my drift. I've known three guys who were the exact type you're describing, and all three ended up getting nailed for sleeping with minors. Beyond that, if he's getting kids drunk and stoned, he's putting them at risk for DUI's and accidents. The party should be broken up, and if you're not in a position to do it yourself it should be handed off to the police.

If you don't call and one of these kids gets raped, killed, or arrested, you'll have to live with the fact that you could have stopped it and didn't. If you're worried about ramifications, put a call into 911 and don't let anyone know it's you.

I wouldn't trust this guy as far as I can throw him. Call in a favor. I'm sure your friends in blue won't mind.

guys who liquor up teenaged girls are looking for more than hero-worship, if you get my drift

My thoughts exactly. If he makes a point of hanging out with your daughter, and she lets it be known that she likes him doing so because "he lets her do whatever," I would have strong suspicions that he would like to "slip her" something more than just drinks and smokes. I'm sorry if that sounds offensive, but I've encountered lots of cases up here of guys (particularly those who tend to jump from marriage to marriage, such as sounds like the situation there) who see the teenage daughter(s) of their latest spouse as "fair game" -- sort of a "two (or more) for one" marriage deal.

Seriously. Stop this A.S.A.P., or this could get quite a bit uglier, in many more ways than either of us might want to imagine.

Where is her real dad? Are you her dad?

realy...

RL

"I can't go more than a few blocks from the barn" Gonna send some other person to do what needs to be done?

Job or family, take your pick. I'd be up on that mesa before I'd be posting on the internet.

But thats just me

...because I find it so offensive.

Being a volunteer first responder in a rural community isn't a normal job. I take my responsibility to my community incredibly seriously. If I'm out of position, people die.

If you would be up on that mesa, I pray you never work for emergency services.

he's got something in the works.

I'd bet that he's calling a cop buddy of his. :D

Robb, please post and let us know how this turned out. :-)

Can't hurt. If he's supplying alcohol to minors, he'll be busted.

Called dispatch ("Oh, hi Robb!!..." I love this town), told them what was up. They sent a sheriff's deputy I know pretty well up there. I, of course, followed along listening to the scanner.

He gets on scene, pulls into the driveway, just as Wonderboy (you know, I usually call him the Mouthbreather) pulls out onto the county road. Deputy decides to scoot down to the house to take a look, then he calls me on his cell.

Nobody else there, place deserted, but lights on everywhere, doors wide open, beer bottles "like you wouldn't believe" all over the deck.

Deputy says, "How old is *******?"
I say, "She just turned 17."
He says, "What do you think the odds are (Wonderboy) isn't drunk right now?"
I say, "Zero."
He says, "I'm going to go stop him. If she's in the truck with him, he's got a lot of problems to face."

So I thank him, meanwhile Mom gets home. We listen in for awhile, but he seems to have pulled off the county road, probably parked.

I get a callout about 3:30 a.m., just got back and am freakin' exhausted. Big deal, all three ambulances in the county went out.

I peek in the room, and there she be, shoes on and all. I can't wait to get the story... although I plan to wait at least four hours.

:boring:

:kick:

good one.