Need a little advice

I have a strange problem that I could use some 'fresh eyes' to examine. I volunteer a great deal in my children's schools, including in classrooms where I don't have a child. I especially enjoy working with special needs kids and have been doing so for the better part of a decade as a volunteer.

The new assistant principal at my child's school has taken an immense dislike to me, attacking me personally, literally following me around the building, questioning my friendship with some of the staff, etc.

How do I handle this? Do any of you good DUers have any advice? I am tempted to approach the people at ADA.org, and let them know that he is doing a huge disservice to these children, but what I would really like to do is sue the pants off the guy for harrassing me.

Any thoughts? All of my friends, family members have very disparate opinions on this.....so?

it will be because you documented everything:

Who what when where etc. any actual DAMAGE done to you as a result

on edit: oops! you're not an employee (misread) Still document everything and if there is anything actionable, it will become apparent

I am not exaggerating. This individual has singled me out and is trashing me because he dislikes me personally. He actually attacked me personally (verbally) in front of my child regarding my non attendance at a school function.

He has told some of the friends I have that 'he is going to have to discuss their friendship with me'.

I do not think this is appropriate behavior. My child is in the gifted program, so he can't mess with her, but honestly for the life of me, I can't figure out why he hates me so much. I had never spoken two words to him before he attacked me in the parking lot. Immediately after that, I sent him a letter demanding an apology, which of course, I didn't receive, and went to the county who apologized profusely for his behavior, and I would believe, reprimanded him. Still, this continues. :shrug:

with that person and him, and other witnesses to this behavior if they are willing. Confront him.

Can he legally stop me from coming into the building? I always sign in, always wear my little sticker, always do what the teachers request, but this guy is so hate filled, I wonder.

I pay taxes to support this particular school and my child goes there, so I am wondering about him refusing to allow me into the school?

I don't have enough info. If there are allegations of a serious nature against you, yes. If not, I fail to see how.

Seriously. I go in, sign in and proceed to the class where I am working. Work with the kids, go home.

This is strictly personal.

on edit: I would think that by serious nature, you meant something criminal. I had to pass a background check to teach religious education at my church, so I guess I am in the clear for that.

she may still have certain legal rights. Certainly moral rights, anyway, and he can be held accountable for harassment. Keeping a harassment journal is an excellent idea. Document everything- date, location of incident, what was said and/or done to make you uncomfortable, how you were affected, both immediately ("I was shocked and hurt") and long term ("it made me think about whether or not I wanted to come back on thursday") and any witnesses who were present. Ask them, if you're comfortable with doing so, to write a brief description of what they saw also. This may assist you in corroborating your story now and in solidifying their memories of the incident, in case they are later needed as witnesses.

He appears to be singling me out for some reason, which would be discrimination, which I think would be actionable, but compromise with this tool is not an option, because frankly, I don't have anything to compromise. I am, for one of the few times in my life, completely and utterly blameless.

on some issues.

Don't know about Midlo's state

I am in VA. I will have to check into that.

Thanks, NSMA. I knew I remembered that you were an attorney.

I believe in many states, their anti-discrimination laws apply to volunteers in their definition of "employees" depending on the level (hours, regularity, etc)

Should you feel the need to consult an attorney the first thing he/she will want to know is how you have been harmed/ damaged/ injured (in the ACTUAL sense) and details of what has occurred.

Actually, two.

In the capacity as a volunteer, if it frees the employee (teacher) to work actively with another student or students, the anti-discrimination law would probably apply, correct? Because the volunteer would be acting almost in the capacity of an employee.


I don't want to sue this guy, because he has a family, I just want him to cease and desist. I don't want him to utter my name ever again. Is that a possibility?

Thanks so much for your help. I really appreciate all the advice.

if it's due to some misunderstanding, it will get cleared up. If it's due to some other reason, it will come out, and if not he'll be put on notice that others are watching the situation.

Can't answer as to the law in your matter since you are not in California and I am not familiar with federal statutes in the matter. LastLiberalinTexas would know the fed answer to that question.

Whether you are an employee or not, if there is an actual instance of harassment, there should be a remedy within your district to get him to cease.

That's why I'd report it again and seek intervention.

(and record or memorialize everything)

I appreciate your taking to the time to answer my questions.

The responses to this thread have been great and now I know it is not me, this guy is a loon.

What step to take next...well, I'll just have to wait and see.

Thanks, again.

:yourock:

Document everything to this point including witnesses, what was said and done and how it is negative to the task at hand and counterproductive. Put it in writing and request a conference among the parties to resolve it.

Your only criticism of his acts should be how they negatively affect the entire environment, without any personal assessments or attacks of his character. Simply his actions and any ill effects of them.

On edit: For lack of saying this a better way (not meaning to be insensitive - stray as far away from the dramatic as possible when explaining the actions, dynamics etc)

Hysteria and emotion will only promote a bad outcome.

One of the issues I think he has with me is that he is not particularly well educated, or well spoken and when he confronted me previously, I didn't back down.

One interesting thing that the Principal said many years ago "Northern men can't control their women". How is that for sexist? Mind boggling, actually. My husband went up to the school and said that his wife was an educated, passionate, compassionate individual and not a domestic animal and therefore didn't need to be controlled. One of the many reasons I love this guy.

:D They tend to tantrum a bit when they find one.

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

You cannot discriminate against the disabled regarding volunteers, room mom, parties etc. and no one, no one, but me has stepped forward to provide this.

Also, I probably should have mentioned, I have a PhD in psychology with a concentration in child and adolescent behavior and I taught school for ten years before having children, so I am pretty well educated.

I don't have any 'real' advice for you at all. Schools NEED people like you who have the time and energy and desire to work with 'our' kids.



thanks ! ! !

:hug:

I appreciate it.

Let me say, I adore working with these special needs kids, so it is not all altruistic. I get a great deal of joy out of seeing them and seeing how they greet me. I think that may be part of the problem, literally when I go into that building, I am treated like a rock star by the kids, all hugs and kisses and stories. Maybe he is just a jealous little tool?

I'll bet you he doesn't get the adoration that you do! Kids can sense genuine caring.

to sleep over at my house with my kids. No kidding. All ages at this school, kids wanting to hold my hand, sit in my lap, etc.


An interesting side story. About 7 years ago, when my son was in Kindergarten, we were at the local Lowe's and one of the students who was special needs was there and said hello to me, etc. Well, he got separated from his family and found me, crying, etc. So, I took him up to the front and waited until his mom and dad appeared, and they were so grateful, blah, blah, blah.

They called the school that Monday to relay the story and I never heard a word from the principal about it. They knew me from my participation in the classroom, and kept going on and on about how glad they were that he recognized me, because he might have run into the parking lot, etc.

in this mans warped thought process you are a threat to him. he's insecure, jealous and I would think, uses bullying tactics to get what he wants.

It would be interesting to know a bit more about his past experience and what brought him to your school.

some kids would get NO attention. Volunteers offer a great service to our schools and communities.

btw
Special Needs doesn't always = disabled.

but I don't really want to take it to the next level. At this point, I have enough on him, along with enough parents/staff members as witnesses to sue him into the next millenium, but good dem that I am, I don't want to take that step. I just want him to stop. I want him to never utter my name again.

Do you know what the issue is?

Sexual orientation? Religion? Mybe you need to confront him and find out exacly what his beef is.

I would think that the next step you should take is to talk to the principal, school board, and the PTA/PTO.

The issue is strictly a personal one. He took an instant dislike to me.

One of my friends who has a diplomacy degree suggested talking with him and reaching a compromise, but I have to say for one of the first times in my life, I am completely blameless. I have done nothing other than volunteer my time and I might add, a great deal of money. I don't get it.

He literally is stalking me in the building. He follows me around like I am some sort of terrorist. The thing is though, I won't stop helping. I am not going to let him think he can intimidate me. I have more education than he does and more resources behind me, so he is really messing with the wrong person.

I did go to the county and they apologized on his behalf. PTA is completely useless. They are terrified of making waves.

The principal also needed to contact me and apologize after the first incident and did not, so I will not go to him either.

others.

Besides the documenting, which is an excellent idea, have you asked him what his concerns are? Get it out in the open, if possible, in a professional manner.

What is your relationship with the principal like? And do the teachers you work with see the same problems?

on edit: I just read your post #5. He has a problem. Go back to the county. It sounds like this guy is a jerk, and could cost the school district more down the road.

separately. Then go to the superintendent. Contact a lawyer, and be ready with a letter for the superintendent, who ever is in charge of sp. ed in your district, and the school board. This guy sounds like he is stalking you. Good luck. :hug:

is that he has a real issue with anger, so I won't speak to him without an attorney present, but do I need to go that far?

I have contacted the county, maybe I should contact them again?

One of my brother's has said to ignore him and that will just make him angrier, but man, this guy is really something.

If the school board and the administration are aware of the problem and its' severity, they are responsible for this guy. They need to take of of this issue. And yes, you need some legal backup, especially if they are hoping this will "just go away". And maybe he won't be back next year. We can hope.

And the funny thing is, this county has a 'zero tolerance policy' for bullies.

And, FWIW, it has been other people as well as me, but he has taken a real dislike to me.

I know this is an anonymous message board, but I am a pretty nice person in real life, and my friends, etc are pretty shocked by all this.

In this context, it is as well. There are legal recourses that have nothing to do with the school. And perhaps the district would not want to see it come to that. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it turns out well.

Speak to the principal about it, and if that doesn't work consider talking to the superintendent or the school board about the AP's inappropriate behavior.

If the PTA won't do anything, and the principal isn't responding, then I think your only recourse is either go to the media or go to court...unless you're willing to take his trash. You said you asked him to apologize but he didn't so he probably won't stop. So like I said either the media or the courts.

He did screw up the other day, however, and called me out behind my back in front of friends/parents that I know.

One mom, a mom to a special needs child called the principal on it. She absolutely rocks. She was relentless in her expression of support for me, so that was nice to see.


The situation just sucks. Doesn't he have better things to do? Like his job?

:-) And is for the principal and the district to handle.

All they do is raise money and yes everyone to death.

I don't like the fact that this guy thinks he can get away with this behavior. I don't work for him, he works for me.

... What I would do, personally, is just walk away from the whole situation. Then send a letter to the principle and the school board explaining in detail why you left.

Sure, it's good to help, but there are limits to how dar I will compromise to help others. I'm sure there are other places in your community where your volunteer services would be welcome. Perhaps even a different school in the same district, or perhaps something to do with helping seniors, or ...

Maybe it's just my cantakerous nature, but when I go out of my way to help out and the person I'm helping starts giving me grief I just walk away. I don't need that. There are others who need help who will genuinely appreciate the help.

But, for me, the issue is that the teacher really needs and welcomes my help. There are not exactly tons of people lining up to volunteer with autistic children and the shortage of aides in this county is disgraceful.

So, I feel it would be hurting the kids not to help.

I have pretty thick skin, but I just want this guy to stop the harrassment and it seems the principal might be powerless to do so.

It isn't very long and is still the best resource for dispute resolution. It will give you lots of tools to handle this. My copy is at work so I can't look up the key points but the main thing is to determine his interests. (Interest based negotiation.)
What is it that he cares about here?
I dont know but I suspect it is control/power. Maybe because you are a volunteer he can't control you?
Are there other volunteers that he is giving heat to?

Check out your resources- in Honolulu we have the Mediation Center of the Pacific which will mediate disputes like this. Learn some about mediation and then initiate one. They are cheap, and it's the only way you are going to find out what the hell is eating him.
He can refuse the mediation of course.
You want a well trained mediator.

Another way to handle it would be to assume (never the greatest) that he is afraid of something, and ask him straight out what it is. Put him on the defensive. He obviously objects to you for some baseless reason, he wants you to quit and go away. Who was it who said 'the agressor defines the context of the battle?"
I would stay in the fight just to let him prove he isn't the idiot he seems to be. If he really is this mean and foolish he shouldn't be in that job anyway, let this be an opportunity.
Main thing is don't take anything personally.
Good luck sis!

Hard not to take personally, though, because I have dedicated so much time and energy, and yes, money to helping.

I never spoke more than two words to this guy before he attacked me the first time, so I just can't figure out what his beef is. I suspect it may because I am pretty well educated and pretty outspoken, especially in regards to children and the welfare of children.

Some people in elementary education have no business being there, and boy do they make it hard for those of us who really, truly care about kids.

because of their mistreatment of their charges. One was verbally abusing a wheelchair bound CP child because he had had an accident and another one was abusing a down syndrome child because she walks slowly.

This was strictly verbal abuse, but I reported it to the AP at the time, who was also in charge of Special Ed at the school, and she replaced them.

:thumbsup:

and it will cost you dearly in time and obviously in money too.
You want him to leave you alone.
He wants you to go away.
He may be one of those sad powerhungry cretins and is using you to make a name for himself, so people don't cross him.
Cross him!
Hold his sad little ass accountable!
Think in terms of range of option, not just law suits. But definitely talk to a layer too.
You can also send him a certified letter asking him to stop harassing you and asking him to identify what his objection is.
I hope you have a good mediation service available.
Good luck! Thanks for helping out in your community, that's the best :)

ps I wouldn't assume he can't fuss with your daughter, he can fuss with anyone till he is gone. That's another good reason to stay and fight.

and he is exposing them to a lawsuit. If I had a child in that school who was accused of being a bully, I'd just point this guy out. He is a bad example to the children. If you leave, he'll just aim his bile at someone else. The board of education needs to either lose this idiot, or get him some intensive training.

(sorry, got caught up chatting with the customers for awhile)

I have to say this guy is a bully and is afraid of you! You have the upper hand in this situation.

Be as friendly as possible. If he is following you around, nicely start ordering him around (would you carry this box for me? Put these up on the bulletin board?, etc.) If he says no then make a comment such as "well, it seems like you have nothing BETTER to do..."

Give advice freely (someone should have maint paint this wall...) If he says anthing discourageing, laugh it off - so that he can hear it. Always be kind and polite, but rise above his shit. Treat him like a two year old having a tantrum.

He will either blow up at you, giving you something actionable or will eventually skulk off into a corner.

If he does blow up at you, calmly tell him how inappropriate he is being, again like he was a two year old. Never threaten him with anything.

You really do have this guy by the balls. Let him know it without tipping your hand.

That was very kind of you to post that.

I feel the same way, he is afraid of me, for what I don't know, and really, truly don't care.

I just want him to leave me alone. That's it, that's all.