Men of DU. I must share a fact with you that may or may not alter ur life

Women LOVE funny,sensitive men. Not boo hoo sensitive, but sensitive enough to have a conversation without having you staring over our shoulders at the latest sports stats.

Jack Black... Vince Vaughn... Will Farrell...Dave Chappelle...David Spade... Jim Carrey...George Carlin... Chris Rock...Lewis Black...

I'd date any one of them (but especially Jack Black or Vince Vaughn)


So there it is. The ultimate girly secret

Because he was taped to a chicken.

Wanna go have sex?

you had me at WHY

:silly: :evilgrin: (Not yours, though. No offense.)

I booked myself in at the Why.....UUCA....I said I like here can I stay, I like here can I stay...and do you have a vacancy for a back scrubber.

just sayin

Funny, I'm still working on that one. :-)

:silly:

lol

Elizabeth Shue grabbed his package on the Jon Stewart show on MTV in the early '90s. That was hot.

Nah, can't be it, otherwise I'd be swarming with girls right now.

DU girls, back me up!

At least you've got good taste in comedians.

Nothing is sexier than a finely targeted, subtle sense of humor. Especially when coupled with wicked glints in the eyes and a sweet smile. (Swoon)

Sense of humor and intelligence are way up there on the importance list. Like, tied at the top.

Agreed. :thumbsup:

:silly:

Some of his faces frighten me, LOL, but he seems like so much damn fun. I've been watching the King Kong production diaries, and he seems like such a delight.

Vince Vaughn is HOT. So there.

I'd include Ben Stiller in there, he's as adorable as can be.

I don't think that's a secret...look at Adam Sandler's and Chris Rock's wives.

What WOULD be a secret, would be if men professed an interest in funny women who don't look like Jennifer Aniston or Janeane Garofalo. There simply is not a female equivalent of Jack Black or Chris Rock, and trust me she wouldn't be fighting off the hotties. Not holding my breath on that one!

Seinfeld etc.

Aniston isn't all that pretty, nor is Garofalo, and all that smoking detracts from the view.

Here's a few funny women, although I suspect that none of them would even recognize that I exist (how's that for a great self-image?):

• Most SNL cast women -- currently:
  • Tina Fey
    
  • Amy Poehler
    
  • Rachel Dratch
    
  • Maya Rudolph
• Sara Silverman
  
• Drew Barrymore
  
• Mary Lynn Rajskub
  
• Laurie Kilmartin
  
• Queen Latifah (4 movies so far, all comedies)
  
• Katie Dippold (up-and-coming; now on Conan)
  
• Caroline Rhea
  
• Natasha Lyonne
  

And that's just a few of them I can mention off the top of my head.

Comedy has been dominated by men because we suffer so much more than do women. It's all work, fight, toil, labor, and we never know the joys of childbirth, kaffeeklatching, or sexual submission. Such is our lot! Comedy helps to numb the pain of a harsh and unforgiving world, just a little. Because a Woman works from sun to sun, but a Man's work is never done.

--p!
Woah is me

funny hotness

Honestly?

There are comediennes, but all of them are relatively good looking, or wouldn't be working. That is the lot of the actress.

The only comparable actress to a Jack Black/John Candy/John Belushi is a Roseanne, but *before* her plastic surgery. And you see who she got to date, and they weren't no Ashton Kutchers.

If you know improv comedy, you probably know that Rachel Dratch is held in high esteem. As in, mentor to Ms. Fey, Ms. Poehler, and a whole lot of other comedians of both genders.

She's not someone I would kick out of bed without a lot of forethough. Women like that don't just arrive in the mail with a 3rd Class Bulk Rate stamp on their ass. Then again, I dig intelligent chicks, and Dratch isn't all that shabby looking, even if she isn't a Barbie look-alike. I personally tend to like the chubby blondes, but mousy brunettes are OK by me, as well as just about any other "type" as long as she comes with a brain, an imagination, and a sense of humanity with her sense of humor.

There actually have been a lot of comediennes (I'm not sure that term is too well-loved these days) who are not raving beauties. Most of the ones I've known have deliberately uglied themselves up to avoid being seen as just another piece of ass. Garofalo, Silverman, Rajskub, and many others have done it. Phyllis Diller was actually pretty hot looking when she started out, and she uglied herself up to great effect. Carol Burnett is by no means a pretty woman, but her acting ability has more than made up for it.

You've also been missing the little jokes I've thrown in along the way -- but you've already covered your ass on that account. No mere man is going to put one over on you, right?

:) (in lieu of a better smiley)

--p!

excuse me, but I always thought Carol Burnett was kinda hot. She has great legs. She's not a Hee Haw girl, but she is not a Betty White or a Cloris Leachman either.

I don't know about that, all the time...

I did miss all the little jokes! :(

I was in grrl mode yesterday though.

I like the funny, I do!

:) (I am not sure what is wrong with this smiley that you'd require another in lieu of it....)

Sense of humor and intelligence is my top priority when looking for my SO. Every woman I've dated is smart and funny, everything else is secondary.

does Vince Vaughn make it on anyone's list of sensitive guys. Isn't his whole shtick based on him being a jackass. I mean, I'm a BIG fan. He's hilarious, but I'd never call him sensitive. I cite the Jon Favro (sp?) movie Made as evidence.

It also helps that I have little interest in sports, too. :)

Could you move a little... you're blocking the TV.

You probably rejected me at one point.

I remember one woman I knew who had a weekly column in the local hipster tabloid. At least half of her columns were about how difficult it was to find a boyfriend. Naturally, I made the mistake that she might enjoy my company. But when it came right down to it, she didn't want a man to love her. She wanted a tall, model-handsome, rich, well-connected man to be "attached" to (as in, "Scorsese is attached to my new project"). So she went out to Hollywood and married one of them.

I hate sports, can cook and clean for myself, do not drink beer, I write humor and have done stand-up, and what did it get me? Bupkess, baby, bupkess!

However, I still hate sports, can still cook and clean for myself, and still don't drink beer. But now, I don't do those things for me.

Plus, I figure, if I can get a syndicated column in the next few months, I should be ready to start shagging starlets in Los Angeles by this time next year.

A man without a woman is like a bicycle without a restraining order.

:evilgrin:

--p!

n/t

That you want men to pay attention, listen to you go bla bla bla bla bla and then crack some good jokes?

Okay! I'm in.

Now lose the bra, baby!

}(

I made you laugh.

I'm halfway there!

B-)

Oops! That's sports!

he was anything!!

Some guys think they're funny, though, when they're not.

Dave Barry put it best. "Women always say they like men with a sense of humor. What I want to know is, where were these women at prom when guys like me were getting laughs pouring the punchbowl into our pants? Oh, that's right...they were in the corner, getting groped by large, hairy football players." :P

No one knows anything in high school, and I can bet you Dave Barry is not married to Sasquatch.

In my experience, women NEVER go for the "funny, sweet, sensitive" etc. guy. They go for the bad boys. They go for the jocks. They go for the guys that have unnaturally large muscles. They go for the faces that have nothing but air between the ears.

That line is propaganda spread by the female population to let guys like me think they have a chance. :P

God what is it with assholes who are freaks who get the girls.

while passing by the nice women who they'd consider no more than friends, or perhpas friends with benefits.

The man I came closest to marrying dumped me for a woman who was noticeably mentally unstable. "She's fascinating," he said. "I wonder what makes her tick."

("Being off her meds," I mumbled, for all the good it did.)

Either way, I think we can agree both sexes do assine things.

because they pay attention when girls are interested in them. I have lots of guy friends who say girls don't like guys like them, but when I go out with them, I see girls throwing themselves at them, but these boys just don't notice. :shrug: Women are trained to be subtle, when you learn their signals you'll find your luck improves.

i'm always a nice guy, but you gotta make the girl want you. make her wonder why maybe you didn't pay much attention to her for a day, or you didn't call her for a few days, or you waited for her to call. make yourself seem like you're not that interested, and you become a mystery, and better yet, a challenge.

works every time

Yes, that's why Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Ric Ocasek, Donald Trump, Tom Arnold, etc. etc. etc. etc. are all married to homely women.

Trophy wives are classic examples of men who do the same thing.

Many years ago I was engaged to a man who was sort of funny sometimes but was unbelievably good looking & had an amazing body. He was very well off & had "alot going for him".

For a myriad of reasons, I broke it off.


About a year later I met the love of my life (to date). We started out as friends- and he is the funniest person I have ever met. I think he's absolutely beautiful but I know that others would totally disagree. He came from a struggling single parent family, worked at a job making less than 12 thousand a year & wasn't what you would call a "catch". to this day I think he is the most amazing person ever. He's gone on to be very succesful but that doesnt change my feelings. Things haven't worked out with us as a couple (at least not now). But he's still my ideal- and I compare everyone to him.

I never said there weren't exceptions (I probably should have clarified this, though), and I also qualified my statements as "my experience." I'm sure there are women with more to them, but the fact remains--the ones I've had the misfortune to deal with have not.

Maybe you're wondering why I have such a cynical attitude towards women. It's mainly due to my last girlfriend. We dated for over a year and a half. I absolutely adored her, and I thought she felt the same about me. We became more than girlfriend/boyfriend--we were best friends as well, even though we came from such different backgrounds. It was absolute bliss for me. I can't recall a time when I was happier.

Then, a year and a half later, I was in Boston visiting relatives. While IMing a friend of mine, I found out that someone had seen her at a party making out with another guy. I figured he was just screwing with my head, and blew him off, but he insisted that it was the truth.

When I got home, however, I got a phone call from her, sobbing her heart out (or so it seemed). She told me through her tears that we needed to "see other people" and that she "thought we could be just friends if I wanted." Doesn't sound so bad, right? Wrong. I got an email about a week later that absolutely excoriated the last year and a half, telling me I was selfish, boring, and that I didn't ever have an original idea as to how to make her happy, and that all I did was make her cry, and that I was a horrible person, and that I was a chickenshit for telling her I didn't want to have sex with her, and so on. Then, she proceeded to tell me that she was with someone else and he didn't make her cry, and he wasn't scared of sex.

Apparently that was all that mattered. I haven't spoken to her since.

Now you know.

What a BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can see your point but I promise you, there are other girls/women out there who have nothing in common with that girl.


Also, the email sounds like her sick little way of trying to justify her slut-tacular behsvior.

Keep the faith

:7

That's like a young male urban legend or something. It ought to be on Snopes!

The reason the women you like always go for the creeps is that you go for the type of women who are immature masochists. You go strictly by looks, and then you're surprised that women who have been pampered and coddled for being beautiful all their lives are spoiled shrews who are drawn to equally worthless men.

I never, ever went for the bad guys, not even as a 14-year-old. Yet I spent high school being totally ignored by the guys, if not ridiculed for being smart, and I didn't have a real boyfriend till I was 19.

I'll tell you idiots the same thing I tell every whiny, self-pitying male who says that ALL women want creeps: you're looking at the wrong women. Right in your immediate surroundings there is probably some woman who likes you, but you have such a big ego that you think she's not hot enough for a stud like you, or at least you think that going with her wouldn't impress the all-important "other guys." (I swear, some men would rather be celibate for life than date someone the "other guys" disapproved of.)

Go for the women that other men are ignoring. They won't play stupid games with you.

I don't go for a woman based solely on looks! Talk about painting with a broad brush! Yeah, that's me, all right. I think I'm just some stud who's too good for everyone else. That's me. You hit the frickin' nail on the head.

and you were obviously hurt, but I do see this "women only want bad boys" nonsense at least once a week in the Lounge. It gets old, really, really old, and in practical terms, it leads to a lot of very nice women sitting home alone.

I saw the "peer pressure" phenomenon again and again during my many years on college campuses, as an undergraduate, a graduate student, and a professor.

as you say you have, then I can see how it might get tiresome--but you must understand: there are guys that absolutely live this law of dating. Every girl they have ever been interested in has fallen for a "bad boy," and unfortunately I'm one of them.

I too never went for a "bad boy". I was smart, etc. etc.

And there *is* usually a woman who likes them--I spent most of college trying to explain that to my male friends, with examples--and noooo, she wasn't "hot" or "their type" or whatever.

Just, yuck to that!

and I liked those pot-smokin', music-blastin', Ivy League- attending "bad boys". I ended up marrying one, too, well, minus the Ivy League- attending part. Because sometimes 'good guys don't wear white.' :)


but I do agree that women like men who are:

smart, funny, good listeners. Looks are part of it, but only part.

The high school/college thing: that also describes me. As do many of your other comments in this thread, and in others I've seen before.

I'm a nice woman (and smart), and many guys I've met who I get along with great are only interested in being friends, and in many cases the man does find me attractive (though perhaps not as attractive as he finds others?). And I'm such a good friend that I'll listen to the man piss and moan about some woman who treated him like shit, when I knew she would and can't figure out how a smart guy like him couldn't figure it out himself. Or the man will be telling me how he wishes he had a girlfriend--and it's so frustrating to hear that when I know that I'd love to be with him.

A lot of men complain about women playing games, but sometimes I think that's all they can handle. They play as well. They want a challenge; they want a mystery to solve. A woman like me, who is totally upfront and what-you-see-is-what-you-get, doesn't interest them. :shrug:

:-)

is a dumb stunt and not particularly funny unless you've drunk a six pack or two.

I can't depend upon my looks for everything

:loveya:

'nuff said.

After all, there's a reason god made your arms that length :P

but it would be fun, and therefore the mods would lock this thread

It's certainly not the bankroll.
;-)

finish last, i know, im one of them. :-(

They came in a six-pack.

that we talk down and dirty too?

And sensitive. I don't boo hoo. Wanna get married?..lol

...for some reason I thought he was gay.

The conservation movement is a breeding ground of communists
and other subversives. We intend to clean them out,
even if it means rounding up every birdwatcher in the country.
--John Mitchell, US Attorney General 1969-72

lol... anyway

he isnt gay. He dated Lara Flynn Boyle for a while- he's dated a bunch of playboy models etc. hes currently with some model chick

(thanks to howard stern for that info.... :silly:)

deal about where us sensitive guys go lonely while the cute girls indulge their fascination with bad-boy asshats?

I'm not fascinated anymore at all

what's the deal?? apparentely i'm too nice or something??

smart. :-)

I regretted inserting the word "cute" as soon as I posted that. And a lot of the smart girls and women that I've been attracted to in the past have been in the midst of a bad boy fixation when I knew them.

I mean, this goes for even women that are 5' - 5'4". What is with that 5'10" number? Will a 5'5"-5'8" guy not suffice?

Even if they're 5'2". At least that's the way the women on match.com are.

I'm only 5'1" so guys that height are just about the right size for me. I wouldn't want to be with someone my height, but I'm even very short for a woman; a man that height, I don't think I could handle.

You just need to meet more sensible women.

I'm 5'10", and I prefer my men to be at least that. That said, I have dated guys shorter than me, but it makes me feel less like an Amazon if I'm with someone a little bit taller.

As for the funny, sensitive thing? I got over the hot bad-boy thing in my mid-20s. And I have never liked big burly guys. I was actually more of a fan of the lanky sort.

If I was with a taller woman, I would feel a bit awkward -- and yes, it may be wrong of me to feel that way but I can't help it.

Still, I don't understand the demand from a lot of shorter women (up to 5'4") that their guys be at least 5'10". Makes me bang my head against the floor. :(

orz <-- picked that up yesterday from the lounge. :D

I just had a 'spat' with my single cousin last weekend over height demands.

She was saying in an online personals ad that she wanted 6' & up. She's 5'5". I raked her over the coals about that. I can't recall if the average male height 5'8" or 5'10", but she's really excluding a lot of great guys. Not only that, but if she snagged one, it would remove one taller guy from my pool. Like I said, I have dated shorter, but I think it's sad to set such steep (no pun intended) demands.

Go for adult figure skaters. We are fully aware of the hotness of many short men (spend too much time oogling cute coaches at skating clinics, and among skaters, 5'7" just looks like average height to us).

I'm all good with that.

Your point is about as realistic as a Horatio Alger story!

I've dated men of many different heights.

he rocks my world.

no idea...

I had no height requirement but for some reason I always attracted taller men... 6'1" and taller...

My ex-wife was barely 5 feet tall (if she wore really thick socks...)and her only height requirement in a guy was that he be taller than her. I'm an honest 5'9", meaning that I'm taller than a lot of guys that claim to be 5'10" or 5'11".

But, I have two cousins that are both about 5'1" and very attractive. One married a guy that is like 5'4" and the other married a guy that is like 6'2" or 6'3".

Before I met my first serious girlfriend in college, who was like 5'2", she was dating a guy that was like 5'5"...

I don't speak for all men though, so it's OK.

I can say this: I suppose there are certain generalized trends with the sexes, but certainly they don't fit every case: Most of the men chasing my wife while I was chasing her were chasing her for reasons very unlike the reason that I was chasing her.

I've been with her for twenty years, and they haven't. That I had another reason way back then has made all the difference.

Thank you.

I was basically going to say the "ultimate girl secret" is that all women are different - they go for who they go for not a set of statistics. Unless I missed a meeting somewhere, we don't have a checklist.

You've got it down.

Women LOVE funny,sensitive men. Not boo hoo sensitive, but sensitive enough to have a conversation without having you staring over our shoulders at the latest sports stats.

yepp but that comes in action only if yer looks are comparable to some movie star, you are musculous, wear expensive-brand-clothes, drive a decent car and have a good wage.

If you haven't that as prequisite you can be funnier than Mittermeier and it won't help you shit. They'll laugh at you and with you. And that's as far as you get. They'll still go out with the good-looking, mouthy dumbass that will cheat them for the next best chick.

Getting one of the few exceptions in single-state and receptive to your feelings is something you can equal to a lotto-win (and certainly is more worth than that).

Try being a 30 something liberal woman in a conservative church-staturated state....

It doesn't matter what you look like if you're politically and theologically unacceptable...

Finding one of the exceptions in that situation really does make you feel like you have more chance of being a victim in a terrorist attack than finding a mate..

men are as wicked in their choices, choosing crispy looking hollow women.

As for your community. I cannot imagine that leaving in the (socialdemocratic)red bastion of berne/switzerland. What the republicans stand for would even put them right to our neonazis, who want foreigners out but which i would put past the desire of military expansion though.

My sincere condolences to your community situation. I really cannot imagine. I wish you luck and if it should fail you consider an european holiday trip.

I'll take smart and funny over rich, handsome and stupid any day. Overdeveloped muscles are disgusting (men like them better than women do), and cars are necessary evils, nothing more. A good wage is nice, but not necessary. I make money to.

I keep saying--as do the other women on this thread--that you need to look at the women you've been ignoring, the ones who don't look like they stepped off the set of Baywatch, the ones who are no more attractive than you are.

I go for the guys that other women ignore, but they're all busy lusting after the psycho shrews.

but to many til most. Men are no less wicked indeed. but the pearls the rare beeings worth any endeavour are rarely sown and more rarely without a decent guy (which the intelligent would pick to their side).

Many women do go through a bad boy phase.
When they are ready to settle down, they go for who makes them feel the most secure (not in a monetary term), who makes them laugh, who they can most handle waking up with every morning.
I have dated handsome men-I prefer the witty ones who show some kindness.

Short answer...NO!

Women like assholes...final word!

Sensitive men have no children...

but after they've had their fill of the bad boys, jerks, whatever term you use. Just being ignored by some women until after their hearts are ripped to shreds is more than I can take. It just makes me feel like some consolation prize.

I'm not saying that women don't have it rough in the dating scene. They do.

before I hit my teens. Selfish assholes can go suck their own. Give me a guy who's figured out there's more than one person in the universe any day of the week.

Us sensetive men get to deal with all the emotional issues and mental hang-ups after they got treated like shit from all the hot bad boys they dated. I get so tired of that.

If I could give up on women I might, but that isn't really a choice. Maybe then I wouldn't have someone treat me like shit and with suspicion because of something some jerk did to her.

And I gave up 5 years ago. Haven't looked back much since. If those are the type of people you are attracting though you really should look at them a little closer before dating. I've personally been through hell and back myself, but I'd never take it out on the next person. I keep my feelings where they belong, and my pain is my own, noone elses. If you live in your past, you will attract nothing but the same and will repeat the same mistakes. I don't think you are being forced to put up with anything though, everyone has a choice and bullshit level for which they are willing to tolerate. So raise the bar a bit maybe?




*edited for the hell of it*

It took a few years before I raised my bullshit tolerance level. I haven't had a relationship last for more than 3 months in four years, but at least I'm not in a mediocre or destructive relationship.

At least you're looking out for yourself. That's what matters most. Some people take alot of crap and then sit back and complain. It's sad really.

I was friends with a guy for 2 years and never thought we'd be anything else because he was "too nice" (hey, I was 23, yknow?) Then my life went to poo for a little while, and he was always there for me, listening to me and talking to me. And finally I woke up. Plus, he does a killer Christopher Walken impression that cracks me up, and he'll go to my stand-up gig and moral-support me through the bad sets.

So all in all, I think I'm the winner here.

And I don't like overly sensitive guys. Give me a guy who's a guy.

But leave out the obsessive sports watching, please. Although I think I just traded one obsession for the othen when I married a guy who, if he could, would watch the History Channel and History International 24 fucking 7.

Anywho.

but I would've taken Alan Alda too! I can still watch MASH for hours.

Man

:hi:

the sensitive, naked man

Tell me Danny Devito would have ever gotten a date if he wasn't famous.

While sense of humor and sensitivity may be traits women look for, they don't START looking for it unless it happens to be wrapped up in a tall handsome package. The short little bald guy with one leg shorter than the other can be the funniest and most sensitive guy walking the face of the earth, but if he doesn't have the physical attractiveness to catch a woman's attention in the first place, he'll always be nothing but part of the background.

I've known a number of men who fancy themselves as sensitive. It usually means lack of self-esteem in terms of women. A truly sensitive man would be wonderful. It's just not my experience that they actually exist.

you know one of them fairly well. :-)


Honesty, respect, sensitivity can all go together, though I do admit it is hard to find one that has all the other common interests too that make a relationship work.

I'd admit that. Seems like the proverbial challege of finding someone who is honest, sensitive, respectful with common interests and a mutual physical attraction. Perhaps for both genders.

I'm not trying to diss an entire gender (okay, maybe I did), I suppose I'm just speaking in terms of difficult experiences I've had.

I never thought in a million years my hate for George Bush, which brought me here, would bring me someone as good as he is into my life.

I had given up on a relationship for the same reasons you state. Lo and behold it happened - when I least expected it. I know it's easy for me to say now - that there are guys our there worthy of you, but there are.

Don't give up, you deserve it and you'll know it when you find him. :hug:

I personally don't think non-manipulative women don't exist.

Well, not really, but it's the same kind of comment.

I apologize if I sounded cruel or cold, but unfortunately I have had some absolutely awful experiences of having men everyone else seems to think is completely wonderful treat me terribly. Seems to be the story of my life. It's going to take me a long time to believe anyone ever again. I have had men be so kind to me and try so hard to break down my walls then only to suddenly act as if I'm completely meaningless in one way or another. They all have self-identified as being a sensitive man/nice guy type of person and for a time, they all seemed as such. I wouldn't be with anyone who came across as a blatant creep. I have a lot to offer a man and I'm secure about that. I don't expect to be completely lonely or go off and hide under a shell. I plan to live my life and perhaps even 'date' soon, but when it comes to anything resembling giving my heart to anyone again, it's going to be extremely difficult. I'm not bitter. I'm just very, very wary and self-protective.

women I come in contact with find it incredibly difficult to understand being treated as an individual; with dignity and respect. Freaks them out and they begin behaving badly, confusing someone that considers them an equal with a doormat.

I think you have it backward. The lack of self-esteem usually resides in the female incapable of handling the responsiblity that comes with being sentient, not the man who treats her as such.

I always expect to be treated with respect. I'd never accept terrible treatment. I've just had some unfortunate experiences of men seeming to be very kind and sensitive and when my guard is down or vulnerable somehow, their less-sensitive colors come through. It cuts very deeply. I suspect any relationships I'd be in in the next few years with men will either be friendships or perhaps a 'friends with benefits' thing (and be very honest and upfront about that with anyone I was involved with). I doubt I'll have what it take for some time to open myself up again completely after some of the things I've been through.

If we weren't somehow burned, we would be one of those posting how they found what they were looking for instead of the ones posting our failures.

They just don't want to date them. I figure there are two reasons.

Number one: They don't feel comfortable in a relationship where they really love the other person. If you are in a relationship with a great guy, it makes the woman feel inadequate if she doesn't think she is just as great. Therefore, women don't want to get in relationships that create a lot of pressure for them to be a good person.

Number two: Society stereotypes sensitive men as weak. Insecure women aren't comfortable going out with guys that are seen as boring, nice, and weak. It's in the movies...every guy character is cast as at least somewhat of a badass.

I think number one is actually a more solid theory. The better a guy you are, the more the woman feels inadequate in comparison. While the woman may love you and admire you, the irony is that the better you are, the less comfortable with herself a woman feels in a commitment with you. Guys just have to look for women with a high sense of self esteem. Even the cutest, most beautiful girls won't feel comfortable in a truly intimate relationship because surprisingly, they are not comfortable with themselves (for the stupidest reasons, usually).

Guys, there are two things you can do...you can purposefully do stupid things here and there to "lower" your value. While this makes the insecure girl feel more comfortable relating to you, eventually, they will realize that you are a great person and get scared of intimacy. The second is to do it the hard way and try and find a woman who actually respects herself and trusts herself in a relationship with a great guy. Until then, expect to have a lot of female friends, but no girlfriend.

My boyfriend is the sensitive type. He is strong when he has to be but for the most part he is sensitive, sweet and kind. He is also brilliant, talented, funny and a bit of a nutcase.

He loves strong independent women.

He is what we call highly evolved. I am very lucky to have him in my life.

There really are not many of those women around. The ones that are are usually taken. It's the insecure ones who are single and going out with assholes.

Are you serious?

And if you think about it, for some people just being single makes you feel insecure. I definitely feel better about myself BECAUSE I am in such a good relationship.

This may sound weird and all new agey but you have to really believe that the person you want is out there and you have to put out positive energy to the world to attract her. I used to have this list of traits I was looking for in a man and every night before bed I would repeat this to myself:
I am now attracting a man who is sensitive, smart, funny...etc."
And he did come along.

Your outlook on relationships to me seems like a very healthy one. It is basically the same outlook I have myself. I want to make sure that my life reflects what a top notch woman wants. I made a decision that I want to attract a smart, sexy, independent woman, and to do that, I am working out, going to school, and making sure that I as a person am able to be independent and strong myself.

I know that the person I want is out there, and I am finally beginning my phase of putting out positive energy to attract her. But I also know that the person I want is not found on the average street corner or local tavern. It may take a while before I find her.

I really can't explain why you disagree with me. We seem to be thinking the same things. You have the mentality I am loking for in a woman, but my argument is that people like you are rarer than you think. I am glad that you found someone that makes you happy. I will do the same in due time. But I have to tell you, there are girls that get scared when they actually meet a really good guy because they have spent too much of their life dreaming about the good guy, but not enough about what they are going to do when they find him. Many get scared that they are not good enough when they finally meet him.

Believe me, I have met enough girls that really do love me, but never wanted more than a friendship relationship with me. And believe me, I know when a girl loves me. And I am still friends with them. They all know I am smart, handsome and sensitive. And they all have dated much worse guys while still being friends with me. I don't feel self pity anymore. I know it is mostly because they are not comfortable with themselves with a great guy, because they really don't think too much about themselves. I have yet to meet the kind of woman like you that hasn't been taken yet. I have met a few, but they all have boyfriends already.

A relationship with a good guy takes the kind of self worth that you have. I would be willing to bet people like you make up less than 20% of the female population. And about 80% of those are in a relationship already. This leaves me with 4% of the population to chose from. Still, I am pretty confident of my impending success. It's just hard to have the patience it takes :)

Half the reason I'm still single is (in my opinion) I *am* a strong independent woman. Do you know how many guys have told me I "intimidate them" or they feel like I'm "out of their league?" a LOT. And boy, do they hate it when they find out I make more money than they do.

Strong independent women aren't being snatched up by the droves.

:shrug:

If I had a dollar for every time I was rejected or put down after men found out that I was (formerly) a professor or a translator, I could retire.

My experience has been that men don't want a *really* intelligent woman. They just want one who's not visibly stupid and who won't shame them in public.

And I must admit that I'm not interested in men who can't keep up with me. That means being not only bright but very well informed and verbally adept with a wide range of interests. However, I've been rejected by men who were quite capable of keeping up and even surpassing me.

It was nice meeting you finally.

It was nice meeting you too. :hi: We appear to have a fine crowd in the metroplex, don't we? what part of town do you live in again?

It was unfortunate that the table didn't lend itself to a better mixing of people. I probably should have waited till later to leave and hung out with you guys at the cool end.

I live in east Dallas. I think I was the only one there that lives in the city proper. Yeah, the table didn't really lend itself to chatting with the whole group, did it?

So we were "the cool end" eh? Don't let the anarchy_1999s hear you say that. :P Nah, we were just the loud end. FSC talks a lot. ;)

I was kidding about the "cool end of the table." I talked with yellowdog and discovered synchronicity. Seems not only did she know what Pilot Rock was (I would repel there for fun when I was in the military while it was a hang out in her youth) but also that she is a member of a church where I was married.

Maybe you're just not finding the right guys then. I never said that most guys were confident in themselves, either.

I can't find the right girls, you can't find the right guys. I could give a shit if my girlfriend made five times what I will be making when I get out of grad school. As long as she has conficence, I will be able to deal with her.

In real life, I can be a badass. I have been in more than my share of fights (and not the mouthy crap-fistfights). I can lose my temper and I am well known for speaking my mind.
I don't need a a*shole-I can be the a*shole for the both of us.
What I do need is someone who will understand that I am a package deal. Love me, love my child (and I have received ultimatums about my child from men-idiots!). I need someone who is willing to hold down a job (have had problems with men on that level too). I need someone who will understand that times will be tough and that we won't always agree. I want someone who wants to be a family man.
And when I speak of security I mean that I want someone who will hold me when I am happy and sad. I want someone who will understand that I have a temper and will not take it personally. I want someone who will let me be myself-the good and the bad. The guys who will let a woman be herself are few and far between.
I don't need a lover, I need a companion who I can share a joke with 50 years from now.
And I don't think that I am the only woman who wants this.

:(

so many of my female pals bemoan the neanderthals they date, but I always make the most simple of statements: if you troll a cave looking for a date, don't be surprised to come up with a caveman.

I just know way too many women who talk about how men are "dogs" and "pigs" and other assorted animals, and yet, these very same women constantly date these very same men. And I've seen awesome guys get shot down b/c they were too short, too nerdy, too whatever.
I simply cannot hang this problem entirely on the guys. Yes, there are a number of boorish louts that shouldn't be out dating anyone, let alone dating my friends. BUT, women choose these men as romantic partners, so women need to take some responsibility here as well.

If a percentage of men insist on watching sports over the collective shoulders of women waxing poetic on their lives, they are doing so because a percentage of women seemingly allow this in their relationships. Behavior that results in us NOT getting what we want (a date, a steamy encounter, you name it) is generally tossed for a behavior that results in us getting the very thing we desire. If all women really had a problem with the sporty machismo of some guys, I don't think we'd be seeing that as prominently as we do now.

Myself... I tend to stay out of the caves and troll the coffeehouses in search of the men nearly weeping into their Emily Dickinson poetry book. :)

How about us men who weep at the stories in the newspaper? LOL, I actually had a waitress say to me, as she took the check, "hey, it's not that bad"; she caught me as I was reading a story about some horror perpetrated on a child or somesuch crap that is in just about every paper just about every day.

I can't say being a cry-baby has been as good for my career or social life as it has Johnny Depp's.


ps... I suspect your husband isn't the least bit bothered by your trolling for emotive Emily dickinson fans
:P

Just because I can't touch doesn't mean I can't fantasize :P

I've seen that too with other women (and been told it to be as such by some very smart men) and it boggles my mind. I cannot fathom as to why an intelligent man would detract a woman because of his intelligence?

"He's too nerdy!" :wtf:

I want to marry a nerd. I love them. I love the scientific mindset-it shows a great deal of curiosity. The patience that they have when researching for years on end leads me to believe that they would be patient with a child. I want someone who can bring up some strange factoid and amaze me.
Glasses, pocketprotectors-bring it on. And I will gladly hang out at the next Star Trek convention w/ them too-I like sci-fi.

I didn't know if I'd ever marry anyone again (my ex-husband still had nerd-like tendencies which was the one thing I liked) and I'm not sure about the extremes of pocket protectors and taped glasses, but a lot of men that other women could see as 'nerds', I have always found incredibly appealing whereas the put-together stud types just don't do it for me. There has to be a baseline of physical attraction though. I'd have to honest enough to say it's not just mental, but that's #1.

Call me a definite Nadia. :D

my friends used to call me Nadia. Many of the men that I have heard women call nerdy have an attractiveness to them. It's just that most women won't look for it.

I've been baffled by the decisions made by some of my friends. One sweet, but highly shallow, gal that is an acquaintance of mine stated that she couldn't date one gentleman in particular because, although he was smart, she wanted cute kids, so chose the dumber, but good-looking, guy. Alright... well, fine for you, but don't come whining to me when this himbo starts getting on your nerves.

I have to imagine that sheer interest in physical appearance guides the decision of a number of women who forsake brains for looks. I've heard the "well I can't date what I'm not attracted to" line, and this is, of course, true. But attraction can be based on more than a pretty face, and I'm not sure everyone is aware of that fact.

Anywho...

I scored the trifecta of nerdish non-manlyism, and I couldn't be happier. My guy is a video-games playing, computer science degreed vegan that just cried the other day telling a story about his departed childhood kitty. He's perfect! :)


edited for sp.

Unfortunately actions speak louder than words. I've heard the same ol speach for years. You say ya want this... but you still end up going home with the loud mouth pretty boy. My take... sensative guys are the ones you marry. the bad boys are the ones you hook up with. So the dickwads get laid while we get stuck with the kids. The number one problem... unless women make the moves, you'll have a much harder time meeting the nice guys you all find so elusive. Lots of us out here, we just aren't the ones likely to approach you because many of us get sickened watching your "typical-guys" prowling on you and catching your attention with witty repetoir and flashy looks.Whats worse... seeing the jive shit actually work. The last thing many want to do is act like them, and have the respect and decency not to view you as whats for dinner. Sadly, many are very shy and tend to be more introverted. Not constantly seeking public attention and affection.

that what women want, and what woman "say" they want, are two completely different things.

However, on a number of occasions (basically nearly every involvement I've had), I've gotten the "You actually like me" thing from the ones I've expressed an interest in. Sometimes it takes a certain amount of effort to get that particular point across. :D

Its the initial ice-breaking thats the biggest barrier. Once the dialogue has been opened. It's a much easier transition for them to be more interactive. All ya really need to do is learn to identify them, and say hello. Easy peasy!

on occasions where a woman expressed an interest. Being introverted doesn't help me with women. At least I don't think it has.

When we first started dating. He said that he never went out much because the girls never paid him attention. I said that sometimes girls can't push past the throng of aggressive guys to get to the sweet ones standing on the periphery - the quiet ones looking at the girls from a distance. Shyness does have a lot to do with this. However, if I may defend some gals for just a moment: if you are being lambasted on all sides from the guys that will approach you, it is difficult to disentangle yourself from that mass of humanity to find the quiet guys on the sidelines. I've found this to be true for some women - myself included. And since I am a bit shy, and since I really liked the shy sideline guys, I have a string of near misses and "almost there" love stories in my history. That's why I love the internets... it's like stumbling into the house of a shy guy and saying "hello."
Some women love the attention from chest-beating loudmouths. It would even appear that many women seem to love this depending on the environment you are in. But, not all women do. If you haven't met the girl that can appreciate that, chances are, she's shy, too. :)

exchanging glances..

<grin>

I hear this same sob story from women, but with different behaviors.

Excuses, excuses...