The idiot customer of the week

They tell me "look, you stupid shit" is not the proper, professional way to address a customer.

Some days you have to wonder if that's right.

Check out these two plywood customers: They walked into the department looking to get a piece of plywood cut down. No problem, we do that all the time--but we don't cut it to 5'6" x 5', which is what they wanted.

Then they asked me why I couldn't cut it to that size. "Because it's only four feet wide. It's 8 feet long so I can get the 5'6" but I can't get the 5'.

"Well, show me." I took them to a stack of plywood and measured out the width...48" wide.

"This isn't the plywood we want. I know we can get five feet out of the 3/4" pressure treated plywood."

So we went down the aisle to the PT ply and I measured that. It's the same size.

"Can't you angle it on the saw to get a piece 5'6" x 5'?"

No...I could take two pieces, cut each to 2'6" x 5'6" and when you laid them side by side, you'd be able to cover the area...well, I could if they didn't need it to be all one sheet.

"Well, where can you get five-foot-wide plywood?" I sent 'em to Lowe's. :evilgrin:

more stories like this, please. I know you don't have a lot of fun while it's happening to you, but it's hilarious to read about.

PS: Don't EVER let them get a look at your name badge...if they tell the people at Lowe's that YOU sent them there, you're going to get an unpleasant visit from the poor Lowe's employee who ends up having to deal with them.

Redstone

"Can you angle it on the saw..." LOL!

things (and sometimes I'm not the brightest crayon in the box haha) but even I know that you can't cut a piece of wood bigger than the original size of the wood.

If these rubes didn't know that plywood comes in 4x8 sheets, then I'd like to watch them install it on whatever they are building. THAT would be a hoot! :-)

... they can put the key in the ignition and start the engine.

That is just too damn sad.

You shoulda told them you could cut it 5'6" x 4', and that they could take it home a stretch it out to 5' :)

And then send them to Lowes for a "plywood stretcher."

LMAO! :7

I tell 'em my board stretcher is in the shop.

And without fail, they will always ask when it's going to be back.

Amazing.

One of the side benefits of working at a place like this is the ability to see the full spectrum of the human condition. How else would I get my full ration of dumbasses?

I was building this moran a bookshelf. He's looking at me the whole time, giving me the "evil eye." I thought he'd snap or demarcate himself in some manner, yet that never happened during the whole time I was working on said bookshelf. Anyway, I digress. As I'm working heartily away on the said bookshelf, he comes up behind me and touching the wood with his fingers, runs over a large knot billowing out of the timber. The guy looks at me and asks if I "could just sand that knot out with the sander?"

"Uh, no, but if you hammer on it, maybe it'll go away." :silly:

I used to work in the wallpaper area of a retail store. People would constantly pick up rolls of wallpaper border, see that it was marked "5 yards" in length, and turn to ask me, "How many feet are there in 5 yards?"

Jesus, these people actually worked somewhere, raised kids, and whatnot, and their brains never went past, oh, 3rd grade or so. Wasn't that the grade where we learned stuff like inches and feet and yards???

Stop treating your customers like they're the dumb ones - all you have to do is angle your saw.

Sheesh.

Obviously, you don't care about customer satisfaction - or your job - at all.

You should have done it, and then when it was done,a nd they say "That doesn't look like five feet", take your tape measure and measure it, and then they'll say "Yeah, it's still four feet" and you can go, "No, you see, because the edge is a 45 degree angle now, when you measure the side, you measure it as 9.6 inches to the foot, which gives you the five feet. And that'll be an extra ten dollars for the board extending cut.