Ugh. There's some stuff I just don't know how to deal with.

Well,

My uncle has a recently discovered case of cirrhosis of the liver, as well as a cancerous tumor on the liver. (Hasn't had a drink in 15 years, but it a recovered alcoholic and drank heavily prior to that)

I spoke to my dad today about it. He went to his oncologist yesterday, and the verdict is that it is is terminal, beyond help, and he has about 4 months max. So he is trying to get his life in order. And it is really tough on my family. He, my dad, and my grandparents (his parents) all live a couple hours upstate from me, all within 1/2 mile of each other.

My dad is taking it really hard, since that's his younger brother and they have been very close their whole lives. (they are 55 and 52, 3 years apart)

My uncle is a great guy, a guy who makes it impossible to be in a bad mood when he's around.. he's just always been so tough...strong-willed and fearless.. able to face just about anything standing up. It's just incomprehensible that he could go out like this. That's what I don't understand.

I am really worried about my whole family, him, and especially my grandmother and grandfather. They have been married 61 years, they are the sweetest, most positive and uplifting people you could meet, even in their old age. If anyone could grow old and be the way they are at that age, they'd be very lucky. They still crack jokes and are very much in love. Despite all that, they are getting on in years. They have bounced back from many a hardship, but now I am worried that this will finally be the thing that they never recover from. This wasn't how their final years on this Earth were supposed to be... mourning their son, whom they outlived.

I feel like it would be easier if nobody was expecting it, and somebody just said "your uncle died yesterday" or something. I am going to call him tommorow, but I don't really know what to say. (The last time we spoke was a week ago, when it was known to be very serious but before the final verdict came down from the doctor)

To top it off, my cousin (his son) who could never get his life together (drugs and alcohol) and has spent most of his life in jail for stuff like DUI, theft, drugs, basically a repeat offender of many many boneheaded incidents, finally got some serious charges racked up this time, and is facing decades behind bars. He will never see his father again. (nor his grandparents for that matter) He had such potential and really was a nice guy at heart. But he's always been the poster boy for how NOT to love one's life.

These were people I always went camping with, fishing, road trips.. and I guess now everything is changing, that side of my family is falling apart, and with it, that whole aspect of my life, which I hold dear.

Man, this post was meant to be a few sentences long, sorry about that.

I know we don't always agree about things around here, but maybe y'all could send up a few prayers or some positive energy for your old buddy Heyo.

(there isn't a smiley to describe how I really feel right now, a mix of emotions, so I think this one is appropriate -->:shrug: )

Heyo

There's nothing I can tell you other than try to make these last few months as memorable as possible. Take plenty of photos and spread plenty of love. Leave no regrets.

.. now I feel bad like I posted a huge bummer of a thread. Maybe I shouldn't've(<--WTF?) done that to everyone. :shrug:

Heyo

Then what's the point of even being a DU member?
Don't feel bad about posting it. You have enough to worry about now.

Life: The only thing you can count on is death. We all go outta here one way or the other.

I've lost a few loved ones and I'd bet each one of them would be pissed at me if I let their passing hinder my life in any way.

...thanks everyone...

Heyo

I know that feeling of looking back and realizing the memories are just golden,
they're so precious and good.
Give strength where you can, take strength where you can.

Sometimes it is incredibly hard to know what to say to the terminally ill at first.
A way to start the conversation with your uncle is to say,
"I hope I didn't wake you. How are you today?
I talked with Dad, he told me about your condition. I'm so sorry."

Hope some of this helps. :hug:

Lars

:grouphug:

From ginbarn and I to you.

I feel a bit better just by typing it all out. Even if I had just saved it in a file and nobody read it. Helps me to make sort it out a bit.

:hi:

Heyo

I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle and your family. :hug:

No apologies needed for your post...You needed to get all that out where you can see it, and so maybe we can help you too. There's good advice in the other posts here tonight. I have only one suggestion for you, to help you cope. I have a book that could help; it's called "To Live Until We Say Good-bye." The author is Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who is well known for her research on death and dying. This is a fairly old book, probably out of print now, but your library might have it. Copyright 1978. She talks about how to deal with your emotions and all the stuff that happens when someone near and dear to you is dying. It is a terrific and helpful book; I recommend it highly!

My prayers are with you and all your family during this difficult time. And especially with your beloved uncle. If there's anything I can do or say, please don't hesitate to contact me...And I mean that.

:hug:

:hug: :hug: :hug:
We're here for you.

This just sounds really hard. I hope you'll be able to keep in touch with your uncle, and spend some time with him. I am sure you are a light in his life. Just keep shining for him, that's really all you can do. Then keep living your life in a way that would make him proud.

.. for your kind words... I really appreciate that. Thanks to everyone on the thread, if I didn't reply directly..

:pals:

Heyo