Post something guaranteed to be offensive

:D

That's damn exciting! :thumbsup:

None of that shit here. :P

how was that?!

i'm offended x(

:P

--p!

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:D.

Asshole!

Seriously why did you ask for the prom theme to be a night in Hedges basement.

:puke:

:evilgrin:

Some rich folks are just too stupid to not be able to mask their stupidity.

:evilgrin:

. . .The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa. Our intelligence sources tell us that he has attempted to purchase high strength aluminum tubes suitable for nuclear weapons production. Saddam Hussein has not credibly explained these activities. He clearly has much to hide.
The dictator of Iraq is not disarming. To the contrary, he is deceiving. From intelligence sources, we know, for instance, that thousands of Iraqi security personnel are at work hiding documents and materials from the UN inspectors - sanitizing inspection sites, and monitoring the inspectors themselves. Iraqi officials accompany the inspectors in order to intimidate witnesses. Iraq is blocking U-2 surveillance flights requested by the United Nations. Iraqi intelligence officers are posing as the scientists inspectors are supposed to interview. Real scientists have been coached by Iraqi officials on what to say. And intelligence sources indicate that Saddam Hussein has ordered that scientists who cooperate with UN inspectors in disarming Iraq will be killed, along with their families.
Year after year, Saddam Hussein has gone to elaborate lengths, spent enormous sums, taken great risks, to build and keep weapons of mass destruction - but why? The only possible explanation, the only possible use he could have for those weapons, is to dominate, intimidate, or attack. With nuclear arms or a full arsenal of chemical and biological weapons, Saddam Hussein could resume his ambitions of conquest in the Middle East, and create deadly havoc in the region. And this Congress and the American people must recognize another threat. Evidence from intelligence sources, secret communications, and statements by people now in custody, reveal that Saddam Hussein aids and protects terrorists, including members of al-Qaida. Secretly, and without fingerprints, he could provide one of his hidden weapons to terrorists, or help them develop their own.
Before September 11, 2001, many in the world believed that Saddam Hussein could be contained. But chemical agents and lethal viruses and shadowy terrorist networks are not easily contained. Imagine those 19 hijackers with other weapons, and other plans - this time armed by Saddam Hussein. It would take just one vial, one canister, one crate slipped into this country to bring a day of horror like none we have ever known. We will do everything in our power to make sure that day never comes.
Some have said we must not act until the threat is imminent. Since when have terrorists and tyrants announced their intentions, politely putting us on notice before they strike? If this threat is permitted to fully and suddenly emerge, all actions, all words, and all recriminations would come too late. Trusting in the sanity and restraint of Saddam Hussein is not a strategy, and it is not an option. . .

On one, on one

Sixteen lessons to learn from BTK.

1. Don't leave clues for the police unless you are leaving no pattern for them to recognize and you just want to taunt them.

2. Pick a cool nickname that's easy to remember and sounds sinister enough to inspire fear when the anchorfolks intone in ominously on the newscast. But try not to use one that reminds people of a classic sandwich.

3. Mix things up a little. If you must leave a calling card, make it a literal card--your favorite card from a standard playing deck, for example--and switch up the methods of murder so that people can't find a pattern. One day a stabbing, the next a sniping, the next a bombing, and so on.

4. Don't be the quiet, withdrawn, "but really nice" one. Be outgoing and friendly. Make sure your neighbours know who you are and, before your "disappearances", give them alibis as to where you are.

5. Don't kill the neighbours.

6. Either have no discernible schedule of killings (making the outings mentioned in #4 "random"), or have a rigid schedule that isn't suspicious when you link the days missing with the days you killed--for example, a "company picnic" that happens on the same dates every year. Don't be a "Holiday Killer"--unless you skip a random holiday (or two, or three--make the number random, too) every year.

7. Don't rape your victims, even the really hot ones. What kind of sicko are you, dude?

8. If the authorities seem to be getting a clue and predicting your next moves, drop out of sight and move no less than three and no more than six states in any direction.

9. Make sure your killings leave no discernible pattern on any level of map--city, county, state, or country. Unless you do it randomly enough that by the time you get to the last few to make the image, it'll be too late to stop you. Everyone loves a subtle artist in this day and age of crosses in buckets of piss.

10. Avoid torture or vivisection. Dissection is fine; vivisection is out. That's just mean.

11. Don't find any sort of perverse pleasure in your killings. They can check your jizz for DNA, you know.

12. A good way to hide the bodies: eat them. I recommend the brain as an entree.

13. Watch CSI for a primer on the most basic of forensic techniques. Then become an amateur expert on the subject with textbooks and the like. But make sure no one knows about the textbook thing.

14. If you learn the head investigator of that killin' you did in Vegas a few weeks back is named Gil Grissom, go back to Sin City and fucking murder his entire department, then get the hell out of Dodge. It is your only hope.

15. Ignore all of the above but #2 if you want to get caught.

16. If/when you're caught, confess everything. Show no remorse to up the shock value of your killings. Try not to show glee when confessing, unless you really felt it when you were doing the whole murdering thing. Comment on how you didn't have anything against any of the people you killed personally. If you're in a state where your killings took place while the death penalty was active, make sure you show remorse when you confess (assuming you don't want to die). Exception: Texas. You can get executed for walking on the wrong side of the street there, so why bother?

You'll need the money from your book sales for your insanity defense lawyers! :bounce:

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I've seen them driving around my neighborhood much more frequently lately, burning fuel needlessly merely to contaminate our environment with yet even more shitty advertising. One was in the lane next to me yesterday and I deeply wished to run it off the road into a ditch and watch it explode.

(oh shit, here comes the DU Grim Reaper)