Sex Scandal Rocks Wonka Factory

Shocking Details Reveal How Diminutive Orange
Laborers Put the "Imp" In "Impropriety"

http://www.dribbleglass.com/articles/wonka-scandal.htm

"Authorities have stunned the world with lurid reports of a sweeping investigation into a sex scandal involving employees of renowned candy manufacturer Willy Wonka.

"An 18-month investigation has resulted in numerous arrests, including the indictments of dozens of Oompa Loompas, the diminutive workers at the factory made famous in a well-known documentary film entitled, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

"There have been sordid and almost unbelievable reports of a wide range of offenses, including pornographic films featuring Oompa Loompas, all-night orgies at the Wonka factory and other incidents of lewd behavior—at least one involving a taffy-pulling machine and what investigators are calling "inappropriate relations with a golden goose."

(snip)

"Also under investigation is the notoriously reclusive head of the Wonka organization, Willy Wonka. The enigmatic Wonka, and his legal representatives, not surprisingly, have refused to comment on the investigation.

"That Wonka guy—we should have known," said one detective close to the investigation. "The signs were all there. I’ve been working vice for twenty years, and let’s just say you don’t often find a guy with a purple coat and comb-over who isn’t the head of a sex ring. The man’s name is Willy for crying out loud."

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http://www.dribbleglass.com/articles/wonka-scandal.htm