Men's rules

Men's Rules I was emailed this...

These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.


1. Crying is blackmail.


1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not

work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!


1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what

we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends give you.


1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.


1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to

act like soap opera guys.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways

makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.


1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.

Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during

commercials.


1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

Note- I was emailed this

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, forexample, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

We have no idea what mauve is.


1.. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...

Really.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.


1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.


1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.


1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.


Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as

many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!!

...about the Sox game this would be really funny.

last year in game 7 of the WS.

now move over Rover.

These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


YOU learn to work the entire mechanism-- that includes a lid which is supposed to be DOWN when not in use (and according to feng shui, leaving the lid up is flushing all the good luck down the drain each time)


1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.


sunday = party time.. hate to tell you, but sports is NOT a natural phenomenon, no matter who you are trying to convince.


1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.


I don't recall anybody calling shopping a sport. but then, paintball isn't a sport, either, yet it gets covered on espn.


1. Crying is blackmail.

crying is cathartic and therapeutic, you just can't handle it


1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

being totally clueless is not something about which to boast


1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

or the mentally challenged, perhaps


1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

unless, of course, you are the problem.

1.Sympathy is what your girlfriends give you.

goddess forfend you should have any kind of emotional empathy




1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.


or get a new lover, since everyone knows that GOOD sex relieves headaches.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.


total and complete BS. ever heard of consistency? or can't you keep your lies straight?


1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.


you have a hang-up about underage females? that is your problem, not ours.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

don't ask if your dick is too small, then. it is


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

suuuuuuuure you did

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

remind us not to ask you to do anything.


1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

why bother talking to you at all?


1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

and he had no idea where he was going, or where he was when he got there


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, forexample, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

sorry you are colour-blind, because none of the men I know are


1.. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

no self-control, or anti-itch powders?


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

gee, such caring and concern for your partner. get over yourselves already




1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.\

gee, how many women actually do this? none of the women I know do.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.


who said we would ask your opinion anyway. given that you can't get your minds off sports, what would you know?


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

goddess forfend you should have thoughts other than sports in your pointy little heads


1. You have enough clothes.

according to whom?
1. You have too many shoes.

I don't recall asking you for your opinion


1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.


1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

I hope your good buddies don't mind you camping out on their couch

t

You empowered state of being is to be admired. Your sarcasm and wit are to be envied by sensitive and tough females and feared by every male with a wee pee pee. Heaven help the next schlub to attempt disempowerment in you presence. They will surely cower and wail as you slice their manhood with you girl powered wit.

//YOU learn to work the entire mechanism-- that includes a lid which is supposed to be DOWN when not in use (and according to feng shui, leaving the lid up is flushing all the good luck down the drain each time)//
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a990416.html
"In fact, significant quantities of microbes floated around the bathroom for at least two hours after each flush."
So, whatever you do, don't leave your uncovered toothbrush near the toilet.
BLEAH!

Mojo

I thought the list was intended to be a funny joke. (you know, joke? haha?) You surely didn't actually think it was some point-by-point treatise on the male view of relationships?

and who's this Feng Shui guy, and why does he give a crap (no pun intended) about my toilet?

and what's the opposite of misogyny?

to answer your last question...

eom

Fucked Shui

If there is something you want from me - TELL ME! I suck at hints. Sometimes, even when I GET the hint, I don't take any action, because I'm not sure.

So, TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT. Please. Thank you. Carry on.

Hardly funny.

Its like taken from the conservative manual "how to be a man"

stereotyping

....something like:

"You know, I was talking to suzy the other day and she mentioned that the old shoe plant down on Main street had been turned into a fancy new restaurant" ...she REALLY means:

I am absolutely, positively DYING to go to Main street and eat dinner at the new restaurant that used to be the shoe factory.

And God help me if I don't "Get it" !!