so its 4:36 AM eastern...why are you up?

my insomnia has kicked in....and the glow of the computer screen isn't making me tired.

u?

I have to be at football practice in 6 hours. Then I have to work at 5pm.

:cry::cry::cry:

luckly im off and am planning a lazy day...

good luck with practice, and try not to fall asleep at work!

only two weeks left to make friends with her or do without her for the rest of my life. It feels like there's a heavy book sitting right on my chest plus a fork twisting it like spaghetti all at the same time.

Plus I'm a night owl anyhow. Looking for humor and trying to make some to ease the agnoy. That's all. :toast:

its hard to admire from afar and never get close...i had my share of spaghetti-twister heart achs too...

find anything funny yet?

It's a Psych test here in the lounge. I thought it was cute.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x2970192

Without revealing too much (she's a dem/progressive and politically active too and may be here :scared:), I'll just say that we'll be going our separate ways and I'll most likely never see her again. I haven't been very successful at showing her my best side yet, unless that just wasn't good enough. I don't know. She's just the most perfect woman I have ever met. Damn, this is hard. I usually love crushes when they first start because there is that feeling of hope, but when they last and last like this, it's starting to become quite clear that I am in for some major heartache, hence the fork/book, one/two punch I am feeling coupled with the dread of the end of our time together. She's so great, I'd be happy just to get to spend time together even if she doesn't like me that way back. :shrug: That's when it's the most depressing.

why not just bite the bullet. Be honest and let her know. Also tell her you'd wanna be her friend no matter what....

I always kick myself in the butt for not being more aggressive sometimes. I say go for it...and if it doesn't work out, at least you tried.

:hug:

And if you don't say anything...get her address and write a letter...it may be past the point, but you don't need to send it and it could help get emotions out.



I saw that ealier....i think i failed....lol just kidding, i saw it before.

I'll try that. Thanks :hug:

:P

And I was about ready to leave at 11:30, but I clicked on a thread in GD...... it was a bad idea. It's locked now though. So I'm going to unwind in the lounge for bit then hit the sack. :hi:

:crazy::silly:

have a good sleep....I wanna be able to do that soon too!

:P

hehe thanks, I hope you can have a good sleep soon. :hi:

hope you win a bagillion dollars!!!! :pals:

:pals:

:woohoo:

Actually, I'm still mostly just decompressing from today, which involved some nasty blood pressure issues due to certain current events here in Upper America. But then there's that letter. This is the ex I cut off contact with more than one year ago because...long story short, he behaved in a grotesquely insensitive manner after I told him I had just become unemployed and been handed a serious (non-contagious, non-sexually transmitted) health issue. Then I looked over our past and realized it had been very, very negative and I just hadn't been dealing with the reality of how much he sucked and so, he had to go. And all this time, I've kept to my resolve never to get near him again, and stop spending energy on my grief over that messed up relationship and move on. Thing is, I can't figure out why on earth he would bother to try to get in touch after so long and it's making me curious. I mean, after The Incident and the subsequent break-up I didn't really hear much from or about him because, as it turned out, no, he didn't care all that much about the relationship or me. And he knows I hate what I remember of it, so, what gives? I can't decide if I should delete it or look at it.

sorry about your nasty bp issues today, hope things are under control.

as for the letter, does it matter what it says? i mean, if it's good or awful, you seem to be over the situation enough to know whatever it is it won't really affect you too negatively. It may be a reach out/apology...or it could be nasty...

I'm stumped too. why not give a shot and see what it says........i think

eek!

let us know though ;)

My therapist reminded me of basically what you did--if it's positive, so the hell what, it's not like I'm going to take the asshole back or anything. If it's negative, well, that might not feel so great, but I'm supposed to use that as validation of my "decision" to kick him to the curb because he was a jackass and that was a bad situation. I type it "decision" because, well, much as it pains me to admit it, he was the one who ended it with me by essentially saying, "unemployed, ? Doesn't mesh with my priorities right now, pass the salt." Sorry, I'm just a bitter woman who hasn't gotten the opportunity to dump anyone yet. For once, I'd like to be the one who figures it out first. I wish I could claim I dumped the last guy, but--no. So, yeah, perhaps it will be decent Saturday-night-cheap-entertainment reading.

If you do decide to open it, it wouldn't hurt to guard yourself. He may weasel his way back in and hurt you again. Just my $.02 worth.

Well, no, he won't weasel his way back in. Abusive...not physically, but there are other ways. It might be more accurate to say we abused each other. Lo, what all the therapy has done for me. I got to learn alllll about this in therapy.

And was promptly reminded why he's a piece of shit and I am a world better off without him. What should I have expected from a "man" who could have heard the person he supposedly loved give him the news about her health that I did and be like, "Oh, and you won't be able to have kids, either? Well, good thing you didn't want them anyway. So, about MY schedule for the next month, I probably won't be able to see you as much...what? Why are you looking at me like that? I'm a busy, important professional. Next Saturday's no good, I have tests to proctor..." Thanks for the support, though, everyone. Y'all rock.

I need to be there in the morning, to work from 10 am to 10 pm. Then I need to be there Sunday morning. I've broken, and dislocated, both ankles at different times. That's why it hurts. I need more recovery time. I just have Wednesdays off. That's why I'm up. Now I'm going to bed. I'm finally exhausted.

Im sorry you dont have enough time to recover. That just sounds awful. I hope you get a really good night sleep.

:hug:

I wrote off the rest of the night's sleep unless I start feeling woozy again in a few minutes.

its too early to be waking up. go back and lay down! i think i will do that soon too.

You do know that you don't get stronger by working out--you get stronger by working out, and THEN feeding yourself and resting, better yet, SLEEPING, so that you can recover--right?

Gotta get your sleep. Recovery is essential. I won't keep you up any longer.

"now's the time to say good night
Good night, sleep tight.
Now the sun turns out his light
Good night, sleep tight..."

I guess I am sort of torn, but I sure feel bad when anyone is dying, and don't understand why they don't get it. Better check the news and feed my dogs. *sigh*:shrug:

its sad that people don't seperate the old man from the role sometimes.

That's what we liberals should be known for. He had a tough role, and I didn't always agree with him, but I think that he did a lot of good, more good than bad. And I always fight the good fight. Thanks.:-)

I also, do not understand how people can be so insensitive toward grieving Catholics right now or are, as your post reminds me, even going so far as to insult a dying man who did engage in worthwhile humanitarian efforts. Even if you didn't share he views on religion, as I presume some athiests and members of other churches would not...people, it's called respect. Basic human decency. For the record, I'm an agnostic who has never had religious faith, and I regret his loss, and offer empathy to others hurting at this time.

But the majority of my family is Catholic, and I respect their views and wish I could share them. And this was a remarkable man, in any judgment, who fought Nazis and Communism, who was a star athlete and a writer, who spoke eight languages. He brought people together and made history. He did much good in this world, whether you shared his beliefs, or not. We should all hope to accomplish as much. Respect is right, thanks. And I do mourn his passing, as a remarkable human being, though I may not have agreed with his narrow social beliefs. Though I share your lack of faith, I respect him and his accomplishments, and feel compassion at his passing, as I would for anyone. Thanks for your kind and empathetic post. I feel much the same.:-(

wakes me very early each day. I've been here at the computer laughing at post in the DU Lounge for an hour already.

but as soon as my head hits the pillow my mind starts working 100 miles an hour. Plus today I had a really upsetting thing happened which was more upsetting cuz it was my first day off with pay that I have taken.

I was woke up around noon (my day off) with some lady calling about my daughter. She was calling from medco health and it was very important she said. Now twice in the last few months I got a phone call saying that my daughter was in the hospital and so I was trying to shake the cobwebs out of my head and my heart starting racing and I told her I just woke up, give me a second. And she just kept getting louder and I was sitting down and she goes "ARE YOU THERE" and I said yes. And the more she kept yapping at me the more confused I got and she said, what time is it there, it is 1 here so it must be 12 there ... like I had some nerve still sleeping and then she said I sounded young .. well yea, I do ... that is how I sound. (And she finally gave me a number to call back at but when I called it back it was blocked.) And then I finally told her to quite yelling at me and then pulled the phone away from my ear as she starting in about how she didn't need to take this and the call is monitored and I said I hope it was. Anyway, I found a number to call back to take care of the situation and I found myself crying to some poor lady. And then I asked her who I could make a complaint to and she gave me her supervisor and I told this lady what happened. And she looked at the remarks in a log and she started sounding angry and said she was going to take care of it and then I thought what have I done and thanked her very much and dang it is still bugging me.

I also have odd sleeping habits.

So, in effect, I'm really sitting here at 3:30 a.m.

I do like the longer days, though. :)

Just got up.

Need coffee...