Bill Murray: Father Guido Sarducci was among the two hundred and forty traveling press people who covered the Pope's United States tour. I bet it was quite a thrill. How did it go, Father?
Father Guido Sarducci: It was. It was a real thrill, Bill. It was just terrific. But now I'm a little down. I have what my psychiatrist calls "post-papal depression." ... Was such a high, you know, bein' on that tour and now it's over. Only thing I didn't like about the tour was the merchandising. They had, like, Pope T-shirts, Pope buttons, posters, banners, anything you can think of. You know, you can call me anti-materialistic if you want to but I just don't think it's right for somebody to make a T-shirt, put a person's picture on it, and then not to give that person part of the percentage of the profits. ... I mean, look at this. It's amazing. If you buy T-shirt like this, it's not just for the T-shirt you buy it -- it's because the Pope is on it. If you just want a T-shirt, you can go to J. C. Penney's 'stead of going through all the traffic and crowds. But the Pope, from this T-shirt, I'll tell you what he got. He got absolutely zero. It was a rip-off. First, they did it to Mr. Bill, now the Pope. ...
And it was - it was the same thing with his record album. He was in Poland couple of months ago and he was just singin' some songs with these Polish students. Somebody must've had a cassette tape recorder. First thing, there's albums out all over Europe and now even in the United States. This is it. They said this has shipped double platinum. ... That's a lot of albums. And the Pope gets absolutely no percentage, no royalties from this whatsoever. And, you know, I hate to plug this album 'cause, you know, it bein' so bad to him, but the truth is, it's a pretty good album. ... The man can sing, he really can. ... I mean, he's no Smokey Robinson but ... if you like Polish folk songs, this is the album for you. ...
A lot of the Popes have made albums but none of 'em sold very well. Pope Paul VI, he had three albums out. The best seller -- but it was not hardly good seller at all, I don't think it even made the charts -- is what they call his "White Album" ... Came out in the early seventies. And it had a really nice poster inside of him. ... This one's kind of soiled 'cause I had it pinned up on my refrigerator for years. ... But my favorite Pope Paul VI album was his second album. Was called "The Second Collection." Well, this was the first Pope album that featured modern graphics. It's kind of psychedelic. ... I like it. He looks-- Kind of smiling there -- looks pretty good. ... My favorite Pope album of all, though, was made in 1955 by Pius XII. Kind of what you call an "oldie" nowadays. You know, Pius XII has gotten a lot of bad press. They say he was aristocratic. He thought he was better than everybody else. But, say what you want about him, the man made a very, very good album. Was called, "Here's Looking Down at You" ... It just never got the push that it should have but I hope now that there's more interest in Popes, they might reissue this one.
It's amazing to me all the interest in the Pope last couple weeks. I think it's because of John Paul's visit, personally, but, you know, whatever the reason, people are buyin' these posters that show all of the Popes and people want to know what their names are, what their real names are, when they was livin', when they died, all that stuff. And, going along with this Papal mania, I've kind of designed a contest about the Popes. It's called "Find the Popes in the Pizza" ... All two hundred and fifty-four Popes, they're in here. ... And, what we're gonna do in about one minute, we're gonna put a close-up of this on your screen and, you at home, all you have to do is get some, like, wax paper, any kind of paper you can see through and paste it to your screen -- or tape it, whatever you want -- and all you gotta do is get a pencil and draw a circle around every place you see a picture of a Pope. And, while we're doing this--
Well, I think what I'm gonna do for the prize, whoever wins -- you know, finds the most Popes -- they'll get to have a button that I designed myself. I noticed on the tour, the best selling button was this. It says, "I Got a Peek at the Pope" ... And I designed a button that I think even more people can relate to. It says, "I saw the Pope on TV" ... This is what you win. And now, I think, we're about ready. So while you're looking at the pizza for thirty seconds, I'm gonna play a cut from Pius XII's album. ... Here is Pius XII singing "On the Sunny Side of the Street" ... And now find the Pope in the pizza. Good luck to you. All two hundred and fifty-four.
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