The Baseball Gods Must Be Crazy

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By Ray Ratto
ESPN.com

"Wilkins, wake up. They want to see you."

"Who? Wha'? Huh?"


For Cubs and Red Sox, these playoffs really got their goat.

"Splash some water on your face. You look like you slept under a farmer's porch. They want to see you ... now."

"They? You mean ... the God?"

"No, the vice-God in charge of marketing and product development, you great block of cheese. The God."

"Wilkins?"

"Yes, Creator Of The Universes and Master Of All Eleven Dimensions?"

"In here. Now."

"I hear and obey, Sir and/or Ma'am. How can I serve you?"

"I wanted to talk about the last couple of nights. You were on the baseball desk, weren't you?"

"Yes. Have I displeased You with my work?"

"Not at all, Our son. We are very pleased."

"Really?"

"Very pleased indeed. Your work this past month has been divinely inspired."

"Well, I do work for You, Sir and/or Ma'am."

"Try not to be a smart ass, Wilkins. You could be back in Natural Disasters with a twitch of Our cosmic eyebrow."

"My most abject apologies."

"We should hope to shout. Anyway, Our compliments on your work. Downright diabolical, you little torturer."

"Well, I tried."

"Nonsense. You were brilliant. You know how much we value the Cubs and Red Sox and the way they make their fans believe in Us. You have no idea how often they have told Us they would stop drinking, whoring, coveting and generally screwing around if only We would grant them a World Series."

MUCH MORE:
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/playoffs2003/columns/story?columnist=ratto_ray&id=1640045

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We loved the base-running gaffes in the Oakland-Boston series. The dropped fly ball and the play at the plate to end the Giants-Marlins series. We thought you might have overplayed your hand with the Steve Bartman thing, but he's been begging Our forgiveness like the College of Cardinals since Tuesday. But to get both teams to within five outs of winning ... to have them blow late leads ... and then, Aaron Boone gets the homer after hitting about .037 the rest of the time ... Us Almighty, We nearly had a seizure. You really are a vicious little creep when you need to be. ”

really needed that belly-laugh today matcom. Thanks. *smooches*

Even though I am a Tigers' fan, I love the Red Sox and I feel physically ill today. I cannot bear to look at the sports section. I screamed at the radio this morning.

Best quote? "Thank God it's the weekend and I can pay attention to football on Saturday and Sunday."

Our World Series party has been called off.

Everything that is wrong with sports is represented in this series. Everything that's right with sports lost yesterday and Wednesday.

Sigh.

I feel your pain, Matcom. <sigh>