Question for Gay and Lesbian DU'ers

One of the most difficult, gut wrenching decision all of us had to make (or will have to make) is coming out to people. Times have certainly changed since 1973 when I first shamedly admitted to a friend that I liked guys. Family was a whole 'nother story and work, well, I never came right out and said I was gay. People knew I had lived with a man for a dozen years, never dated women, and loved gardening, cooking, and theater. They had to have a clue.

Today, I'm pretty much open. Lost a couple of sisters who couldn't deal with it, and my nephews have always eyed me warily (the redneck obnoxious little thugs really have nothing to worry about!)

How about you?

but have never mentioned it at work. Family was pretty cool about it...as were friends.

And I haven't come out yet at all.

Teenagers nowadays have a much better time since a fairly sizable amount of our friends are generally tolerant of us.

However, that still doesn't mean our parents are still OK with it.

I have friends who have come out to their parents and they kicked them out of the house. I read a story one time in the magazine "The Advocate" where a gay male teenager came out to his mother and the mother told the priest ASAP. The young male went to church the next day and to his suprise, the pastor told him to stand up in front of the congregation and denounce his homosexuality. He refused, and he was pretty much ex-communicated from the church (he really wasn't; it's just a figure of speech).

And they don't even defrock priest that molest innocent children.

I also have friends who came out and told the entire world. It just started to get irritating. Personally, I would take a tempered step into the next chapter of my life instead of going all out.

It should really be with people you trust first. You will need that support network to fall back on if things go astray.

I guess it also depends on where you are.

At least from a gay man's perspective. Obviously, women are more open about their feelings, and they don't have as much of the anti-fag propaganda beaten into them as boys do growing up. The first person I told was my best female friend. The second was another trusted female friend (who 30 years later is still close to me). Gradually, over my sophomore/junior years my circle of friends learned. I've never lost a friend because of telling.

Family was never a factor until after I was 30 and I'm very glad I waited. If you're not sure of their reaction, take your time. Once its said, it cannot be taken back.

Take your time, you'll know when its right. A couple of beers or a glass of wine makes it much easier if you imbibe.

Good luck

:hi:

Way out. Far out. Work, family, friends, random strangers... it's just so much easier that way.

And ya know what? I'm 42 years old, started coming out at 18, and I've NEVER had a bad experience when telling someone I was gay. Not once.

You are OUT there, that's for sure. I've been meaning to talk to you about that Dookus. :D

I'm not "obvious" at all. Many people are surprised to learn that I'm gay. I try to keep it a secret... even from the people I pick up cruising the mall and the park. I'm not really gay. It's just a phase. I'm experimenting.

Bwa-hahahahahaha! It's so hard for me to lie and keep a straight face. Did that sound sincere? Did I fool you?

-- Allen

P.S. Straight face! HA! I just now got that. I slay me.

Isn't it WONDERFUL! Sometimes I totally forget that we're not the "normal" ones for days at a time (obviously, I don't get out much)

but then again, most people who are around me know. All of my coworkers know (but, of course, out of 20 people here 8 are gay :D), my family knows, and all my friends know.

I voted "I might as well have it tatooed on my forehead" because everyone knows... but again, I hardly tell people I've just met.

I don't make a point of saying (explicitly) "I'm queer"... BUT I never dance around and use vague euphamisms... and if someone assumes that I have a wife or girlfriend, I always correct them.

Not that I'm trying to embarrass them or anything... but there are a lot of folks who need to know what gay people really look like. They look like ME and YOU... and HIM and HER. By being open and out and up-front about it, other unenlightened folks get to see that we don't all fit neatly into their preconceived stereotypes.

-- Allen

I don't think it should be flaunted like a drag queen with split ends, but if I was out, and someone asked me I was gay, I would tell them up front. It shouldn't be something to be ashamed about.

I'm gave up the fake girlfriend story years ago. I don't announce it, but I'm honest about it.

that's NOT to say I announce it. if it comes up, it comes up.

I consider it a total non-issue. (had the luck to work for an all-gay publishing business for years.)

again, total non-issue for me now.

Out to family--partially--out to friends, and out at work, for the most part.

Especially if it has nuts... :spank:

but this is a little hard to answer. I am out to family and close friends but many friends in AA I haven't told. I would imagine that many guess and I have been directly asked (and gave honest answers both times). Work is different though. I am not in the same building for any period of time and I work with varied age groups. My older students certainly have a clue but my younger ones surely don't. It is a bizarre twilight zone and I would rather not be in it but I guess that is the way things are.

None of y'all had me fooled! And I love every one of you sombitches!!

and visit for awhile.

:hi:

and have never made any bones about it, because i've always had so much self-confidence that i could care less what people think about me, or whether they "accept" me or not

with toasted pecans...

I'm not straight.

Not in the slightest.

I'm as queer as a 37 cent piece.

If they ask, I tell them the truth. No big deal, especially where I live. My closest friends are all 'hetero', but no one gives a damn. The guys I drink with all ogle women at our brewpub; I never comment on the discussion that follows. I openly flirt with guys there, although I am not at all obvious, otherwise. Nobody cares; it's not anything I worry about.

I think I'll have a huge party next August for my 20th anniversary!

My family is great! They love my husband (s.o., partner, lover,...) and his family is wonderful, too.

Thankfully, being out was never too traumatic for me.

:hi: to all the queer folks!

I am straight but have a sister who doesn't approve of me because I am a liberal. Even though our mother is, and out father was.

Good luck to you, though.

Not just to find a good man, but to find the right man.

A gay friend of mine once said about homophobes, "what in the hell would make them think I'd find them attractive anyhow?"
John
I've been hit on by guys and I liked it -- frankly, it's always better to be told you're attractive than not attractive (to paraphrase Oscar Wilde). Doesn't change my basic wiring, but it surely doesn't freak me out, either.