I'm not ready to be the mom of a teen-aged daughter.

I'm too young for this stuff, but I've always been too young and did fine. Today was just rough. What happened to my baby? :cry:

Other than that, I'll be private. I know how to handle the situation, but it's just not easy either. You want to protect them and the older they get, the harder it is. :(

Kidding. I'm sure you'll do fine.

:silly:

:D

:scared:

Kleeb! She needs a nice, younger Kleeb.

Though I've heard he's a douchebag.

and in many ways my opposite.

He is a douchebag as said.

trust me, there is nothing you can do to get ready, either! Just enjoy the ride.

How old is your daughter?

But unfortunately looks about 16 or 17.

hold on for a wild ride.

at 11, she was offered a job in the grocery store! we had to say, no, thanks, we'll have to wait 5 more years!

the looks make it harder. even old men look at my baby! it's scary!

She was helping me bag groceries and they said that. She's taller than me and I look young for my age, so people often don't make the connection. We even got hit on by the same pack of teenage boys recently. Then they realized I was mom. :nuke: Little turds.

my friend is 41, and one guy who works there thought she and my daughter were sisters! hahahahaha

when she first turned 13, i thought, good lord, here we go. it has been interesting, going from a small middle school to the large high school. there is so much more going on, boys boys boys everywhere, social life, sports. i don't even KNOW what goes on all day!

but i have to let it go. i have to trust she knows the right thing. she gets in trouble, but i tighten the reins a little, and she comes back to reality.

part of their change, too, is that they are in hormonal upheaval. my daughter even said something to the effect that when she blows up at me, she has no control over it. it's like pms (and THAT is another story!). there is so much to take into consideration, but the most important thing is to just let them know you're always there for them, to be consistent with them.

they pull away and don't want you to be part of their lives at all. i have a 14 year old, almost 15. i also have a daughter that just turned 11, and she is doing the same distancing routine. i can't stand it.

someone said they come back to reality when they're about 22 - all grown up and moved out.

Her dad and I are very much on the same parenting page thankfully, but it was one of those guilty moments because we're also splitting up and it's just such a vulnerable time right now in general and I wish it just didn't have to be so much for her.

when we are off-center, they are the first to feel it and react. couple that with a search for identity, and you have one confused child.

got counseling? our whole family is in counseling that is funded through a state program. it helps a LOT!

Mom's had some. Dad's had some. I think it would be darn good for her to have a safe outlet to express some stuff.

she goes in cranky, and comes out a different person. there is a lot for them to talk about at this age. they don't think we are listening, so they need to have some outlet.

of course, she will be 23-24 by that time. Teen years are extremely hard on teen girls nowadays. They are pulling away from the people who have nothing but their best interest at heart toward peers who are just as immature but as "wise, all knowing and invincible" as she perceives herself to be. Hardest job you will ever love.

I have always thought I would support any political candidate that would put forth a plan that sent all teen age girls to a convent somewhere in the Alps for about 5-6 years. Send them home chaste, bi-lingual and naive to the ways of the world (everyone has their dreams, OK?). But then I would have missed the trials and tribulations of having teens in the house, the driving lessons, the groundings, missed curfews, homework, girly talks, clothes, boyfriends, part time jobs, their friends and all of the fun of having a young person around.

Just think of it as another gestation period only this time it is much longer and you get a full grown person from the effort.

and now that I'm 19 and at college, we're closer than ever. Most of my friends had more fractious relationships with their parents when they were in middle/high school, but they got closer to them after they moved out. I really think of my parents as among my best friends. It really does get better, and easier (and also, my mom doesn't worry about me as much as she used to, which is nice for all of us).

Don't worry. It sounds like a tough time for you right now, but everything will be okay - and it sounds like you're the kind of mom any teenager would feel lucky to have. :hug:

i love this input from young adults. thanks!

My soon-to-be-ex and I are splitting (amicably so far).

My relationship with my 17 year old has been great. I know she has her own life, but she is a terrific kid and very attentive to our father-daughter relationship.

My 11 year old is already doing the teenage distancing thing. It's maddening and painful, but it's "normal." They start leading their own lives. PArents walk a fine line between being an obtrusive nuisance and letting them run wild.

I miss the little girls they used to be, who would just come running up and jump in my lap or give me a pure, unrestrained hug. Gives me a lump in my throat that I can't swallow. But I also am proud of the young ladies they are becoming. I know we raised them well and I trust they will make good decisions. I know I'll be here to help them when they need it.

I am 22, 23 in June, and I have gotten closer to my parents in the past year than I ever was in High School.

thanks!

My last one didn't talk to me from about 11 until 19. Once she moved out, she OCCASIONALLY graces me with a word or two (mostly when she needs money), but I know from experience with the other two that she'll come around in a few more years. Teenage girls are THE WORST. (I was AWFUL to my mother, so I can't really complain.)

.... remember when you hated your mother?

lol - i was a nightmare.

unfortunately, drugs and alcohol soothed my pain for many years.....

I was 22 and single when my daughter was born. Never thought I was ready for anything we face as moms.
You'll be OK -- especially if you resign yourself to mild to moderate insanity for the next decade. :crazy:

I'm no expert, but I do believe three things (and I bet you do believe the same)
Love is unconditional, but there are definitely days when you can allow yourself to not 'like' your daughter very much. And it's OK to tell them that. They should know you're not happy -- but always know you love them.
Kids are people, too -- and teens know it. Assuming they understand what you're talking about (and bringing the level down slowly when they don't) lets them know that you appreciate their 'peopleness.' Those tough conversations that come with being the parent of a teen go at least a little bit easier that way.
Respect is earned, and it's a two-way street. I won't respect anyone simply because they think I should (or demand I do) -- and I never expected my daughter to give me respect I didn't earn. Made me work a heck of a lot harder to be a good parent, and decent human being.

Take it slow, and enjoy the new person you've got. Just like you woke up one day not long ago, and realized that her head didn't fit under your chin anymore, you'll wake up soon enough and discover that she's grown.

:(

You have my sympathies, Ma'am.

(We survived. He's now 21.)

i have a friend, a single dad, two kids, 11 & 9. i wonder how he'll do. the mom is in rehab, and he has full custody. i wonder how men deal with it.

My son, who was 15 when my wife and I divorced, couldn't keep out of trouble at school. We finally had to send him to alternative education. Fortunately, we were living in a community that had an excellent program. When he was a high school freshman, he teetered around with a 0.8 GPA; when he graduated from independent study, he was recognized for academic excellence.

To keep him in that program, I dropped my plans to move closer to work and maintained a 60-mile commute.

yes, we need to forego our own needs for those of our kids. but it's worth it in the end. did you finally move closer to work?

let's hear it for alternative education! so many at-risk kids do much better with something besides a regular school schedule. both my kids have gone to alternative schools and do very well. my older daughter now is in the public high school, and she is bored to tears. she's not used to the drone that goes on there. fortunately, she is doing extra-curricular stuff that, i believe, is more valuable for her at this point.

your son must have been very proud of himself for coming so far!

I realize you don't want to go into details but just a few years out of grade school you'd be surprised by how alot of girls are around that age. Not trying to discourage you but being realistic. I'm sure you know what you have to do and she will turn out fine. I'll tell you it is likely her friends, the peer presure(You want be cool, you do things you shouldn't do so you won't risk losing friendships) Just be ready for anything and good luck!

I was only 20 when she was born and it really doesn't seem like that long ago. I remember stuff from that age too, so my eyes are very open. Things are just complicated with your own kid. You want them to grow and feel ok about themselves, but protect them too. It's just hard sometimes.

goes to High School. Gets a Boyfriend and starts asking for a drivers permit. Just to name a few. She's a cutie!!!!!! All the more reason to PREPARE!!!
Edit.. I was just reading that she is only 13. Take my advice, I was aon prozac until I couldn,t control the voices. Switched to triazadone. Very calming. A drink once in a while doesn't hurt. I never drank a drop until she turned 12..... shesssssssss. It is enough to drive you over the edge

that's it!!

life was fairly easy until this year. yup, i have a beer now and then to take the edge off! lol

she thinks she knows everything about everything. Of course her grades are average to bordering on crappy. I gave up sometime ago trying to get any control over her. It was either that or loss my mind. I make sure she gets what she needs to live and watch closely, thats all I can do. It's not worth my mental health

i'm not a mom, but i've lived through a rocky adolescence. both mother and daughter survived. you have to trust the foundation that you've given her, she may loose track, but she will come back.

i hit puberty too early. i f-ing hate saying it that way, like it's my fault that my body runs on a different time scale then the one that society has ordained for me. so it's my problem if i don't know how to adjust from being a tomboy to having guys tens years older wanting to sex with me.

but that's what happens. and while society imposes a whole other bag of gender role baggage on boys, boys are allowed to be stupid and irresponsible through their adolescence, but girls don't have that luxury. especially, if they're intelligent.

the thinking goes like this: 'oh well, she acts older than she is, and is more mature for her age -so i should treat her like she's older.'

there doesn't seem to be any room for girls to be smart and beautiful and still be girls.

sorry for the rant, but this topic is hits close to home.

just trust yourself that you've instilled in her the tools she needs to separate the good from the bs. let her make her mistakes, but don't let her go. you have all my best. and a hearty second on the therapy.

I mean when I was younger- early puberty and such. My own mother has yet to "forgive me" for being what I think was essentially a pretty normal teenager and I don't want to make that mistake with my daughter. Feeling as though I had to apologize for who I was and not being free to express myself probably didn't do me much good for a number of years in my young adulthood. Fortunately my daughter does very well academically and excels at basketball (I think having a sport is important for girls and body image- something I lacked when I was that age), but I remember all too well how tough it is. I want her to stay on a good path and have healthy relationships. It's probably hard with what she has seen between myself and her dad the last few years. Hopefully, time and her being able to talk with someone can help with everything.

it sounds like you doing right by your daughter. it must be hard not to repeat the mistakes of your mother. although i'm sure, as most mother's do, she probably had your best interest in mind. i worry about that myself sometimes, carrying over the baggage i acquired from my mother to my children.

also, i hear what you're saying about 'healthy relationships' -that is key. maintaining healthy relationships also entails maintaining a healthy self. as far as i can see, they go hand in hand.

i wish you all the best.

there is very little that is still little girlish about her. I'm not ready for this, either.

you realize that your GRANDdaughter is the same age you were when you got pregnant with her dad.

You can do it, but my, it will be a lot of work. :)
Such a great challenge, though, and the rewards... it's hard to put into words what it is like to work with people during this period of their lives. A counfounding mixture of absolutely wonderful and hideously terrible.
I can sympathize with you. :pals:

I have a 14 year old who looks 16 0r 17. We kinda look like twins (expect she's firmer, has blue eyes and no crow's feet!) but from a distance, we really look like sisters.

She is a great kid but she tests me all the time. IT is a challenge, to say the least. Just keep reminding yourself that it will pass and that even if she says she hates you and thinks she hates you she doesn't REALLY hate you. (Unless of course she HAAAAAAATES you, for ruining her life!)

Hang in there -if she's as cute now as she was in the picture , good luck and keep the shotgun loaded!

And if she's a third as ornery as me at that age, you best buckle up. Hang in there sweetie :hug: