Need advice on my artist S.O.

As I said in my title, my soon-to-be fiancee is an artist. When she gets into her really creative "modes", she gets very introverted and moody. For short periods of time (a few days), I understand and it's okay, but it's still pretty hard to adjust to, considering it's a complete 180 from her normal, friendly, outgoing, and playful self. Unfortunately, she's going through a rather long period like this right now (a couple of months).

I don't want to interfere with her creative process, because it is her career and all, but doing this for a long period of time is rather draining. It's not healthy for me and it can't be healthy for her to be so consumed. She acknowledges that it's not healthy, and apologizes for putting me through it, but doesn't know how to make it better.

So I've thought of asking her to work on trying to set aside work for an hour or so here and there as a sort of compromise. Do you think that's being unreasonable? It's very important to me that I be supportive of her career, but I don't think it's particularly fair to feel like I need a blast shelter for months and months either. What do y'all think?

Edit in response to all: First of all, thank you to everyone that has responded. I appreciate your input. Yes, she has had bouts of mania in the past, so yes, there is a possible mental problem. I'm not certain this falls into that category, however. Further, you're right - this IS another part of her "self", as you put it. I have an immense amount of patience, and I'm not getting angry with her, but just glossing over something that's very unhealthy doesn't seem to be a valid solution, however. If something affects your ability to function normally in the rest of your life, that's a problem, no matter which way you cut it. You are right though - this will have to be a solution attained by a mutual discussion. I appreciate your help, even if I don't necessarily agree with all of it.

I can tell you that I work with a lot of artists, and that is not a behavior I am familiar with.
One of the very best has two set times each day for just getting outside and looking at the world, and gets into painting mode sometimes for days. But withdrawn and moody doesn't really play much of a part in any of it.
Best of luck finding a good pattern that supports both of you.

You obviously work hard to give her space & embrace her career choice, but that doesn't mean you don't need something in return ... some time. I think you probably know the moments when to leave her alone & the times when she's more approachable (as a woman whose moods flip-flop as well, I know my SO gets this, too). So, gauge her demeanor & take advantage of some free time. Talk to her about it ... I'm sure she's very understanding about this. Many girls with a creative side are also quite compassionate & grounded ... just talk about it. I'm sure she'll be welcoming to some alone time. :)

(and my thoughts are worth what you pay for them) but it kinda sounds like bipolar disorder. Creativity and mental illness have very gray lines between them and a lot of the great artists suffered with some mental problems. Maybe you could google it and look at the symptoms and see if it fits. The bad thing about being medicated is that it sometimes dampens the artistic spirit. But then again, she may just be a very intent artist!

the darker side, she need not bring her work into her everyday life. My husband doesn't bring his computer home and into our relationship. That is just too rough on you. Perhaps you guys can work on it with time and reminding her that she's "not working" at those times when you are together. For me, my husband and kids are the oasis from the dark side that sometimes comes when I am writing.

Hugs,Laura

Sure there were times when she was very focused and didn't want to be disturbed - hours usually. Once in a long while, a day or two if she was working really hard on a project. But even then, when she stopped work she was there for/with me.

I think you got a problem.

Khash.

In my case, I'm a writer -- and when I get into one of my "really creative modes" those words, introverted and moody, fit me to a T.

Moreover, for the last six months, I've been deep in work on book manuscript that has basically sucked up all my available time and energy, and nearly all my focus. (In fact, I come over here to DU just for breaks, essentially.)

I hate to break it to you, Vash, but this "other self" your fiancee is displaying is NOT an 'abnormal' self as you seem to be indicating. It's not as if the 'friendly, outgoing, and playful self' is the REAL woman, and this creative one is somehow an imposter.

She is BOTH of these things. She is the playful, outgoing woman sometimes; other times, she's this other way. They are BOTH her.

I agree, with your mutual opinion, too -- that too much focus can be unhealthy. That the creative process can sometimes transform into something obsessional and driven. This can be worked on, and ways found to impose boundaries. (Frankly, I'm strugging with the notion of leaving my chair from time to time and getting out for exercise. It's hard, when the words are really flowing.)

You can help her with this, if she wants it. But I think it's a mistake to expect your fiancee to be outgoing at times when the creative process almost -requires- her to be inwardly focused.

Trust me, being married to a creative person can be difficult. I -know- I'm not easy to live with sometimes. Yet if it wasn't for my spouse's support and unconditional love, I don't think I'd have the wherewithal to be this driven and creative -- and I consider it a tremendous gift.

As for your specific question, about asking her to "set aside work for an hour or so here and there" -- I have to warn you, that's likely not to work. It will feel like an imposition, and she will resent it. I think you would do better to talk with her and see what both of you would possibly like to do. If she starts from the notion, "all this work isn't good for me", and you start with, "I'd really like to be with you more" -- that leaves room for compromise.

But again, I want to back to the point I raised at the very beginning of this lengthy reply. Don't make the mistake of thinking that this 'introverted moody' self is any less her than the outgoing version. They're both her. If you only like the outgoing, playful woman... um, you have a problem, because that means you don't accept her as she is. All of her.

Good luck.

Please be sure you can live with this before you make any permanent commitment.

Not everybody in the arts is nuts. And people in other fields can also be so tied up in their careers that everything else is secondary.

and can tell you, that it is consuming when the muse hits, I even forget to eat...and sleep, forget about it...I think your suggestion is a workable one, don't know if I would have done it, but you can certainly ask her, and don't expect her to "remember" when the times are that you've decided to set aside, maybe an alarm clock or something...

On edit: by the way it's not introverted and moody, it's simply all consuming...That is a true sign of an artist, the work becomes all consuming because it is an extension of us, it is us, the work is not a separate entity, it's not a "job".