What is WRONG with people?!

Last night, I stepped down from my usual isolation in the DJ booth at the club I work to do the door. 'Doing' the door means, checking ID, stamping people, and keeping track of how many people are inside.

Apparently, working the door also means dealing with an endless stream of verbal abuse and sexual harassment. Now, verbal abuse I can deal with, I deal with it all day every day at my real job.
But, sexual harassment?! What, seriously, is wrong with people? There must be SOMETHING wrong with them if they think trying to grope a complete stranger while she's working is OK.

There must be something wrong with the guy who EVERY time he walked past me, he tried to get me to strip search him and then would try to put his arm around me.

There must be something SERIOUSLY wrong with the guy who, when asked for ID when he didn't have it, started unzipping his pants and pulling himself out at me saying "Heres my ID, bitch"

Must be something wrong with the guy who kept coming over and jerking his pretend self at me while making crude faces.

Not to mention the creepy guy who stood about 5 ft away from me and stared for over half an hour, right at me. When I asked the bartender to kick him out, he just went over and told the guy that I thought he was creepy and he had better stop or we'd kick him out. Great. He's the kinda guy I'd worry about following me home and stabbing me to death. Way to aggravate him and then leave him in my vicinity.

Someone, please, tell me whats wrong with this.
I nearly cried last night. Am I over-reacting?

$50 isn't worth that garbage. Never again.

Now I get to go to my other job in an hour or two and have people scream at me on the phone.

What an endless stream of creepazoids you've dealt with!

I don't know where you work, but I'd just quit.

NEVER AGAIN.
I'll keep DJing. But never the door again. EVER.

I personally would just tell them to take the job & shove it. No one should have to work anywhere near or for those kind of people.

But I hear what you're saying

lol, not really. OK, really.

I've worked the door at bars before, I know the feeling.

That would have made the kicking more effective

battery run, 2 electrodes, reach out and zap his little weewee. That'd slow him down.

That is disgusting. I'm so sorry you were in that situation...promise us you'll never do that again and talk to the owner about it too. If these guys act this way at the door with you, then they're not going to be any better around the women in the club either.

ugh, what the hell is wrong with people?

:hug:

:hug: thanks

You just bring this on yourself - how do you expect a guy to control himself when there is a female right in front of him just asking for it? You know, like rape victims who must have done something to tempt some poor guy. :sarcasm:

with the unzipping of the pants, I wouldn't be surprised if I saw him on the news getting arrested for rape

and say LOUDLY, that has to be the smallest little wee wee I have eVER seen!

seriously dont do that, might make him worse.Just thinking what I wish u could do in pretend world.

he'd be -1 in the'man' dept

Aside from being shoved down the stairs?

castration

Yes!

There's no way around it. Not taking the job is your best course of action.

People who work the door should be large, strong, and nasty-looking -- and have a good track record for sizing up people and dealing with trouble.

--p!

I think it's disgusting that it's necessary

Really.

There's no excuse for that kind of behavior. They deserve to be publically humiliated. You should have the right to retaliate. What does your management say? I doubt if they want that type of customer, if they harass you they probably harrass female customers as well.

Shitheads!

to an extent. Such as basically telling them to get the f out and never come back (not that I can *enforce* that), shoving the guys that touched me away from me.
The owners really don't say much, and I don't think they care what kind of customer it is as long as the guy buys drinks and doesn't start a fist fight.
Some of these people I have no problem dealing with myself, but some of them are actually scary and I don't want to even try to do anything for fear it'll escalate the situation, ya know?

On the plus side, in her bar, if she tells security about a creep, they just remove him without any word that she was the one asking for the removal.
We've talked about this issue a number of times. She always calls one of us to let us know she is leaving the bar to go home because she is always concerned that one of the creeps will get aggressive after she leaves and she likes to let people know she's on her way home in case she doesn't arrive there. <shudder>
It's just horrible. I'm sorry that you had to go through that.
If this is a place that you will regularly be working at, a chat with the manager to improve the safety for female employees may be of some help. Because really, being in the DJ booth helps, but creeps can see you there, too.
:hug:

I get rides home from my friends. They wait for me, which is nice.
I've never had much of a problem while I'm in the DJ booth, which isn't to say I never will, but...
I just really don't think the management care. We don't even have security.

and I am sorry to hear mgmt is not more responsive to this.

It just sucks.

And it does suck. Which is why I refuse to put myself in that situation again. Hopefully enough of the girls that work the door will do this so that management actually has to listen

What the hell is up with THAT? Where is this bar located that it's actually legal for them to have NO security?

Any bar that doesn't employ security and regularly uses women on the door doesn't care one fucking bit about ANYONE'S safety. Get the hell out of there. Start looking for another gig right now - today. Female DJ's are the up and coming thing these days, and it shouldn't be too hard to find another place to work... a place that actually CARES about the safety of their workers and customers.

There's a damn good reason why clubs employ big burly scary looking guys to work the door. It's their job to keep the undesireables from even getting in the bar at all. I've never known a club that uses women at the door for handstamping, money handling, etc. that was not accompanied by a security dude RIGHT beside her. Most clubs (especially the busy ones) like to use a girl for the ID check, money handling, handstamping, etc. to FREE UP the security guy to do HIS job.

Seriously girl, get OUT of there.

I really feel for you, honey. :hug:

At least so far as I know

It's hard to find somewhere that'd let me DJ though, based on the type of music... and I really only started to help a friend out but yeah

i hate people

yeah, some of them are the suck

I try to imagine working the door and having females grab my a$$. Would that bother me? I do not think so. What about a girl who tried to get me to strip search her and tried to put her arm around me? It depends. Is she decent looking? Yo, I get off work at 2 and we can make arrangements for that search. You do the stripping, I will do the searching.

What about a girl staring at me? I could have some fun with that. Do some stretching and flexing. "Accidently" drop something and bend over to pick it up.

Anyway, it can be fun, if you try to have fun with them. Of course, people do scare me, particularly drunk and boisterous people, so that is certainly not my kind of job.

The sad thing is, that these lonely unloved people were just trying to get the attention of a girl they found attractive, and it worked. I went through the line, like dozens of other guys, and just smiled and made a lame joke, and you did not even notice much less will you remember me. :cry:

You just don't get it do you? This is not about "flirting" it's about harassment and power.

You don't have to fear that some woman is going to overpower you or rape you, IT IS NOT THE SAME THING FOR WOMEN! Men do this to humiliate women, they aren't looking for "love."

and not just on the tennis court. Sadly, she does not want to.
Do not expect me to understand these men, just because I have a Y chromosome. I am always looking for love in all the wrong places.

gotta love guys like this, no idea that sexualized threats are possible life threatening situations for women.

Oh no, its all about getting a hard-on

You're at a job interview for a job that you really need. The pay is decent and it's in the field you've been trying to break into for, like, ever. You go in and sit in the chair positioned in front of the boss's desk
The boss is about 30 - 40 years your senior, unattractive, female, over made-up and has lots of cheap perfume on that no one in her office has the nerve to tell her is suffocating.
While you're trying to tell her why you think you would be good for the job she gets up from her desk, wanders aroud the room until she is behind you. While you're talking she starts rubbing herself against you and making kind of creepy noises.

(still sound like it might be fun?)

How about if you already have the job and can't afford to lose it when the harassment starts?

Guys often don't seem to "get" that it's about power, not sex.

are the people I call potential rapists.
I'm not going to try to have 'fun' with some asshole who thinks it's ok to grab me, make crude remarks at me, and basically treat me like a sex object because I happen to have tits. Its abusive. It's wrong. Flirting is totally different than unzipping your pants and calling me a bitch.

you can yell to a bar-tender. "Say, Fred, this guy is trying to tell me that he's Tiny Tim, does this work for ID?"

Okay, that might not even sound good, or safe, on paper. As I said, bars, and the people I find in them, scare me, especially in bigger cities where so many people are strangers. I can imagine a woman who jokes around with a bar's regular customers would have them eating out of the palm of their hand, but maybe that works better for female bar-tenders when a bar keeps them away from you, and you can walk away from obnoxious customers.

And you sound like you've never worked in a bar either.

I'm a woman and I've worked in bars for about 20 years. I've been assaulted by male patrons who are just having "fun" as you called it, as have many of my female colleagues. Making fun of their genitalia does not have them "eating out of the palm of their hand", it makes them angry at you and often violent, regulars or not. You never know how someone on the other side of the bar is going to react to something you you say, even if it's about another customer.

We've been stalked by customers who were angry because I embarrassed them in front of their friends, girlfriend, etc., and I can tell you from experience that it is not "fun".

And just for your information, when you're behind a bar, you can never really walk away from obnoxious customers. Unless the bar is gigantic, you are essentially trapped behind it and forced to deal with whatever shit you're given until the end of your shift.

This is about humiliation, pure and simple. The OP denied these guys something they felt they deserved and in return they tried to embarrass, humiliate and intimidate her sexually. If you think that's "fun" , then you have a really fucked up view of gender relationships.

She might make a bruise if the roles were reversed unless she has extraordinary upper body strength and/or self-defense training.

So maybe men should imagine that other men, weighing 280 each with no necks, are telling these guys how much they want to "do" them. And pulling out their members to show the guys what they can have if they have purdy mouths.

Might that present a clearer idea of what harrassment is like?

That has got to be one of the most sexist things I've ever seen on here. So I guess in your book it's ok to sexually assault a woman who won't give the time of day? Just so she'll pay attention to you? That's sick.

So, umm...what are you wearing?

LOL, kidding. I'm sorry. Hey, men are pigs and they embarrass me sometimes.
Although I have to admit, I got a few extra hugs from some girls I know last night because I needed hugs. They were happy to give them to me, but I feel I took advantage of their generosity.

If they were happy to give, nothing wrong with enjoying a little receiving

:hugs:

What an awful job. I hope you don't have to "do the door" often. And I hope you enjoy the normal seclusion in the DJ booth.

:hug:

They must be a different species too.

Sorry you had to go thru that.

Pepper Spray, mace, taser, steel toes...

RL

I hope they are of a difference species... I'd feel better about the whole thing

a friend who was a shrink gave me that bit of wisdom once.


Sorry about the assholes.

but it's only one - albeit a desperately destructive one - of many causes of ever-lowering standards of personal and group behaviour.

In their tiny minds, they would associate "person on the door" with a bouncer, and feel their masculinity is threatened one step too far - bearing in mind women playing an increasingly dominant role in society, and they probably have their backsides kicked from here to breakfast by one or more of them during the week, in the daytime.

Each generation seems to get worse, and the less personal responsibility is cultivated among young people, the more difficult and expensive it becomes to control their behaviour within lawful, never mind civilised, bounds.

Prima facie, the problem is solvable by the unapologetic teaching of Christianity in schools, as the cradle of our western, if not indeed national culture and civilisation, but, alas, when we see so little consideration given to it in the behaviour of our national leaders in government and business, and those even at the more local level, I can remember, even when I was a youngster and things were so much better, being less than impressed. How much more difficult it must be for many youngsters, today. Still, the memory of those scripture readings in morning assembly were there when I needed them in later life.

In any case, it doesn't matter from the point of view of social stability, if the individual personally retains his or her formal Christian belief - in Moslem countries, their Moslem belief - there is an ethos created that influences us all for the better; subliminal standards of behaviour that we assume are our own, and purely personal, in fact, are not. They are or, rather, were, a direct result of our Christian culture, such as it was. Even in Moslem and other religious schools, I believe an hour a week should be devoted to teaching about the Christian faith - not to proseletyze, but so that they get a better understanding of what *would be* the national culture. We now live in post-Christian times, alas.

Another source of all kinds of undesirable behaviours in the UK, at least, are the product of the ever-increasing and intensifying stresses placed on individuals and their families, ultimately by the rise of coroporatism/fascism. Profit is God, and individuals without worldly clout are no more than consumers.

If their purchasing power vanishes, the politicians response is "... so what? In the US, I believe, they and their families are turned out onto the street, the politicians response is "... so what?" But we in the UK have plenty of people of both sexes and all ages sleeping in shop doorways, and families living in temporary accommodation, instead of council houses. Young people, ever younger, commit suicide, and in ever greater numbers, the politicians response is "... so what?" Playground bullying is no more than an extension of the continuum of the war waged against adults by big business and its beasts, and the politicians response is "... so what?" The stresses make parents become ill, physically and/or mentally, and the politicians response is "... so what?" A person flops down in front of the box, after work to relax a little, and all of a sudden he/she has to jump up quicky to turn down the advertisements, because the commercial psychopaths of big business insist on a certain register of sounds being eliminated, to make the remaining sound blare out louder, and the politicians response is "... so what?" In short, big business owns them. Thanks Rupe! But just you and your pals remember, the mills of God grind slow, but exceeding fine. And you sure aren't getting any younger... A lot of people would love to die in their sleep, but I don't think there's any time you'd want to.

I could go on, but we're all familiar with the causes of the stress, which seems to get worse and worse.

God bless you, and I hope you get over the bad memories soon. I'm sure you will. You sound a strong person in the true sense of the word.

Hardcore porn, GirlinContempt but it's only one - albeit a desperately destructive one - of many causes of ever-lowering standard of personal and group behaviour.

First, we have to find a convienent scapegoat for someone's behavior.

Prima facie, the problem is solvable by the unapologetic teaching of Christianity in schools, as the cradle of our western, if not indeed national culture and civilisation

and the solution - cramming your religion down all our throats.

That sort of behavior would not be allowed anywhere else but folks think that cuz it's a nightclub they can get away with it. Sexual harrassment is sexual harrassment. If it's any consolation, those guys probably went home later and cried in their pillows cuz women keep rejecting them. They are stupid, clueless little criminals. You are right times one thousand about this.

It makes me feel better to hear from so many people that they agree :)

Next time, I'll keep my fly zipped.

She likes it WAY better, and she's not groped, asked if she wants "it" from some disgusting pig, etc.

Even though you'll be only in the DJ booth from now on, LOL.

Newsflash: Maybe your buds think its cute, but its not. Its pathetic.
So cut it out, and try acting like a human being.

so many women just do the 'laugh nervously and then make as quick an exit as you can politely' thing, instead of confronting them. Not that I can blame said women a lot of the time, cause feeling afraid doesn't make for good confronting

edit for typos

sorry you had to go through that.

Anyway it's your fault for daring to leave your house:sarcasm:

:hug:

for not trying to have 'fun' with them.

.....


:eyes: :puke:

in Las Cruces, NM. Those types are eternal..... they infest in every time frame... and they think they are ' oh, sooo cool ' . They are an embarrasment to their gender. Their sane male friends should try to help them. They are the ones that - 15 years later - will still remember the 'good old days' and know your name.

should try to help them
(please, someone, help them)

Morals will win if we let them.

encounter these types when I'm in a situation that feels safe, at least, safe enough to 'educate' them

And "never get off the boat. Goddamn right."

What crap. You are definitely not over reacting. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's unreal isn't it? Just because you're female and attractive, that means it's perfectly all right for some yahoo's to harass you -because girls should be nice and smile and nod while some guy is completely demeaning and intimidating you. God forbid if you happened to not be 'attractive' they probably would have heckled you for your 'ugliness.'

If you don't need the extra money, I'd bail. In a bar, you really need to know that the management has got your back. It's too dangerous.

Why is it that some men think it's perfectly acceptable to behave this way? It is about power, and those fucks probably feel pretty crappy about themselves.

Hang in there.

:hug:

put myself in that kind of frame of mind. I can't imagine ever thinking it was ok to treat ANYONE like that (Well, maybe a friend with whom I knew it was okay).

You're right, it has to be about power.

verbally I mean,....I swear, everytime I have some shit for brains get his widdle feelins hurt because I didnt give him his manly dues, I had to tell the entire audience what a little-dicked, no account Yahoo TITTY baby i was dealing with, and strip him of all his pretend manhood just so I knew I could get home safely. Just wave your pinkie finger at em, and tell em that their gf are probably having a better time than they are. and that they not only have to worry bout the guys, but the chicks too!

ok, not so safe in your predicament, but i can dream...

No you're not over-reacting.

How did YOU know?!