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My best friend's mother died this morning

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Kathy in Cambridge Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 12:31 PM
Original message
My best friend's mother died this morning
Edited on Thu Apr-28-05 12:33 PM by Kathy in Cambridge
she was 89, an immigrant from Italy, and the mother of five children. She had been mobile and lived a full life for 86 years, when she fell and broke her hip. In the past three years, her frail body battled cancer, diabetes, and she lost her hearing and sight. My friend knew it was coming, but it's always a shock when it does.

I'm off to the store to buy the fixings for lasagna, and some flowers. I don't know what else to do except cook and be there for my friend.

Any advice on how to aid a grieving friend is greatly appreciated.

RIP Marisa. :hug:
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flamingyouth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 12:33 PM
Response to Original message
1. I'm sorry for your friend
Just be there for her. The lasagna sounds lovely. :hug:
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Hugin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 12:34 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. Yup... "Be there."
Most special thing you can do.
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auntAgonist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 12:33 PM
Response to Original message
2. You're doing it.
Just being there is good.

:hug:


my sincerest condolences for your friend's loss. And yours too.
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mike_c Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 12:34 PM
Response to Original message
4. you're doing it....
Edited on Thu Apr-28-05 12:34 PM by mike_c
Unless she requests some specific assistance, just showing that you're there and you care is probably the best thing you can offer.
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ewagner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 12:34 PM
Response to Original message
5. Cooking is the best
thing you can do.....

other things like watching the kids for her while she attends to the funeral home, or something simple like doing a load of laundry, ironing clothes your friend will wear to the funeral....little things like that are all acts of kindness that will be appreciated for years....
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Tsiyu Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 12:36 PM
Response to Original message
6. Food is good
And listening is good. You are a kind friend.

Sorry to hear. Her mom sounds like one awesome person.
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ET Awful Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 12:36 PM
Response to Original message
7. Hugs and being there are the best things you can provide.
You're doing exactly the right thing.

My condolences :(.
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Kathy in Cambridge Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 12:37 PM
Response to Original message
8. Thanks everyone
I feel kind of helpless.
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yvr girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 12:38 PM
Response to Original message
9. I'm sorry
I would say anything practical is good. Cooking. Running errands. Making calls. Just being there.
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Rainbowreflect Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 12:53 PM
Response to Original message
10. Talk to her about special memories you have about her mom.
Knowing that other people share your happy memories & love of a family member who is gone is very important.
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stellanoir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 12:53 PM
Response to Original message
11. oh sweetie
condolences dear.

You already know what to do. You're a fanstically giving and loving person. She lived a full life and you're a great friend. Trust your instincts. I'm sure you're an unbelievably supportive friend.

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Spinzonner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 12:55 PM
Response to Original message
12. Depending on how much family is available

and how much time you have, offer to go along with making arrangements or dealing with various things. Just having someone along is very helpful and shock, fatigue, and distractedness can make a person disconnected so you can help by listening to discussions and possibly taking notes.
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MuseRider Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 01:05 PM
Response to Original message
13. Sounds like you
are off to a good start. Just make yourself available and listen listen listen.

:hug: to you and your friend. It is never easy.
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 01:06 PM
Response to Original message
14. You're a great friend (and I'm sorry for your friend, as well).
For the past week, I've been mourning the loss of "friendships" who aren't one tenth the person you obviously are. Basically, I guess I was just friends with really bad people. It's so refreshing to see people taking the responsibilities of friendship seriously.
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nothingshocksmeanymore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 01:07 PM
Response to Original message
15. Doing just what you're doing
be there for her and help her notify friends and relatives and make arrangements

My condolences to all
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Skittles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 01:13 PM
Response to Original message
16. cook and be there for her
that about covers it, Kathy; that is what a good friend does. Also offer to run any errands - simple stuff can seem so overwhelming at a time like this
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luvLLB Donating Member (394 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 01:14 PM
Response to Original message
17. your doing it...and don't be afraid to talk about her..sometimes
ppl dont want to mention a loved one, but it really helps when others mention her name, or relate a cute story.
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all.of.me Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 01:18 PM
Response to Original message
18. you're doing the right thing - just be there
there is nothing effective you can say to a grieving person. they are so wrapped up in what needs to be done, they don't hear it. they'll feel it more if you are just there. that is way more important, and i speak from experience. one of my best friends died last year. another friend held me til i was done crying, and that was the most valuable experience i think i've ever had.
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maveric Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 01:21 PM
Response to Original message
19. Send condolensces to your friend. I lost my Italian Ma recently.
Cook! If they are traditional Italians, food helps ease the pain.
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Kathy in Cambridge Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Apr-28-05 02:20 PM
Response to Reply #19
20. I just got back from the store-I'm making lasagna and pizza
Food is a great comfort, especially in Italian families.
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