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Edited on Fri May-06-05 01:30 AM by Writer
I wrote this back in Sept. of 2003 when Wes Clark first entered the race. I was a Clark supporter, so please don't take this as a flame. It's a total joke. I think I wrote it after many were screaming about Clark not being liberal enough. I was digging around, found it, and though I'd share.
Writer.
LITTLE ROCK - Retired General Wesley Clark announced
this evening that he will exit the presidential race
this Wednesday in order to have a "love child" with an
online admirer.
Clark, who just three weeks ago announced his bid for
The White House, gave a brief speech outside the gates
to the "Smiling Sunshine Commune," where he says he
will now take residence with his expecting girlfriend.
"Well, you all have always wondered whether or not I
was truly a liberal," he said, dressed in buckskin and
love beads, "and now I guess you have your answer."
Clark apparently met the young woman, whose name is
yet to be released, while chatting with campaign
supporters online.
"It was cosmic - a spiritual thing that hit me about
as hard as the four bullets I took in Vietnam," he
said.
"She said that she saw my picture and was attracted to
me. We began talking about the stars and our love
signs, then we began chatting about the history of
bilateral trade agreements... I fell madly in love."
Clark claimed that the woman, who apparently writes
and attends graduate school in Colorado, met him down
a dirt road in New Hampshire three weeks ago where
they conjugated their instant romance in the back of a
1972 Buick LeSabre.
"Magic," Clark describes.
As to the current location of Gert, Clark's wife of 34
years, Clark claims that they have amicably separated
and will divorce based on "irreconcilable
differences."
"She was just too much into the 'paying your bills and
being a good leader for the family' thing," he said.
"Too conservative, you know? Started to get under my
skin."
As to his future plans with his new girlfriend and
"spiritual conception of human loveness" due in eight
months, Clark plans to start cultivating beets and
practicing yoga.
"It's all about the spirit, man," he said with his
usual stern demeanor. "The spirit that drives us all
to read volumes on naval warfare during the Byzantine
Empire and on how to fix hominy and wheat germ."
Clark and his unnamed girlfriend have chosen to
continue their life together out of the spotlight, but
will maintain a "connection" with the "outer world" by
daily meditations to Oghma in the wheat fields of
their new commune.
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