For those with no mother.

Whether you simply don't have a relationship with your mother, you never knew her, or she has passed on, I just wanted to give you this:

:hug:

I haven't spoken to or seen my mother since early 1999, and even then I barely saw her. She is mentally ill, refuses any treatment, and is physically violent (very unpredictably so). I knew I didn't want my daughter growing up around her like that. So I made the decision in Jan. 1999 to never see her again. In case anyone wonders, I did try for years to get her help. But if you cannot prove in court that they are a danger to themselves or others, there's not much you can do in the end. And her multiple suicide attempts were blown off by the court, unfortunately. So she remains untreated and a real danger, but there was nothing me or my brother could do.

So. I wanted to say this: days like Mother's Day DO get easier. They really do. Last year was five years and it was the first time Mother's Day honestly didn't bother me. This year, it's even easier.

So hang in there, no matter what your situation is. I find a lot of comfort in being happy for the people I know who do have good relationships with their mom.

She was a devoted and sweet mother. Probably knew me better than anyone. I wish we had had more time together, and i wish she'd had more time with her grandsons.

:hug:

My dad was 56 when his mom died, and his dad had died a few years before that. Two days after the funeral, he was going through some of her stuff and I walked in and he looked up at me with tears in his eyes and said "You know, it's amazing. I'm 56 years old, and I still feel like an orphaned child, all alone in the world."

God, that killed me. I had never seen him cry. I hugged him and hugged him. He was really close to his mom.

Though it has been my impression that the media has scaled it back the last couple of years, Mother's Day and all related advertising for it can be very difficult for people who do not have mothers for whatever reason--and people who aren't or can't be mothers, but that's for another thread (hey, someone start that thread?). Your post offers some terrific and sensitive sympathy for the motherless of the world--thanks for sharing your thoughts.

And those who want/wanted to be mothers and could not be, for whatever reasons.

Now Father's Day, that's a different story. The pain of that relationship is still too fresh for me.

Mother's Day sucks if you want kids, but don't have them. Unless you count the furry kitties at home.

you're right... it does get easier... there's always a space there... but you learn to live with it

:hug:

And I never thought about it that way. It's tiny, but it's there.

Thanks.

grief never leaves you... you only learn to live with it... times shows you how to better deal with your personal grief

i only hope that my griefs have somehow made me a better person :)

they have.

I think grief can either make a person bitter or more compassionate. And everyone makes the choice of which way to go.

This, in turn, makes you a better mother for your child.

Happy Mother's Day, Bouncy Ball. You deserve it! :hug:

:hug:

I think regret is always a part of the human condition.

Mine passed away more than four years ago and it just about becomes another day. To be honest with you, if you were to ask me when it would be this year, I couldn't tell you.

and a :hug: to you too!

I miss my mum all days, but especially those 'special days'
I hope some day your mother will accept treatment, until then somehow, I hope she stays safe.

aA
aka
kesha

Every time I hear a local news story about a woman doing something crazy like running over someone or robbing a bank, believe it or not, I check to make sure it's not her.

:hug:

The only question mark in my mind is what happens when she gets older. She's only in her late 50s now. My younger brother doesn't have a relationship with her anymore, either. And we're her only two children. Her parents are gone, she has no friends, and her older sister wouldn't touch her with a 12 foot pole.

I have a feeling someday our paths will cross again, when she is elderly (if she lives that long). I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, though.

I have tried not to think about her because it is just too painful.

:hug:

:hug:


:hug:

I have a mentally ill brother, so I know a little of what you've gone through.

My dad told me once that she used to be a different person. He met her when she was 17 and he said she was pretty normal back then. I loved hearing him describe her as she was then. But sometime in her early to mid-20s she started to change.

Anyway. I hope at least your brother is getting appropriate treatment. Too many people don't (for various reasons) and that's a crying shame.

He has gone through quite a few rough spots, including lengthy stays in mental hospitals, but he is more or less stabilized now with anti-psychotic medication.

a child, young or grown: Know the love endures. We hope you have loving friends to help you in times of grief. We love you and wish we could shoulder some of the pain to lighten your load.

Remembering Kevin and hoping his mom gets through Mothers Day and Kev's birthday with fond memories to help fill some of the emptiness. Love ya, sis.

Remembering PFC Owen Witt and hoping his mom finds comfort in friends and family. Karen, we remember and we miss him. He was a good kid, cuz he had a great mom.

And remembering my mom. BB is right, it does get better. Miss her, but the hurt is less. Doesn't mean the love has diminished. If anything, the love and appreciation is deeper now. And I feel pretty sure she can feel that too.

Happy Mothers Day. Kiss someone. Share the love even if you can't share it with your mom. Take flowers to some grand ol dames in a rest home. Just drop them off and let them relish having a secret admirer. It does an old girl good! ;) And remember the mothers who will not hear the voice they treasured most.

Happy Mother's Day, Bouncy Ball. You did what you could and what you had to. Courage is the carnation you wear.

What a breathtaking post. Made me tear up.

Thank you for writing that. You gave me an idea. There's a nursing home just a few blocks from me. I think I'll call tomorrow to see if there's a resident or two who don't get any visitors (sadly, there always are) and see if I can come visit, just to chat.

Thanks again.

Thank you for your heartfelt post.

Those close to you are blessed to know you.


:hug:

But my daughter likes me. ;) And I like her. She's the best thing on my resume! :D

Thanks for the hug, I needed that.

:hug: back at you.

I lost my mother when I was 5. I always felt bad as a kid when the other kids made gifts to take home to their moms for mother's day. I didn't feel bad because I didn't have a mother but because the teacher usually insisted I make a gift to give to a "mother figure" in my life. Nothing like being singled out when I just wanted the event to pass by without me.


Now 40 years later, I love Mother's Day because my child makes it a 2 day event every year. The gift of her time is priceless :)

I think having my daughter does make it easier. We're very close and I really cherish our relationship. I consider myself lucky just to BE a mother.

My daughter & I are very close as well.

That Mother's Day, when my son was 8, we awoke to a phone call from my ex-husband's mother. My son's father had been murdered the night before by ex-brother-in-law. (married to my ex's sister)

We never celebrated Mother's Day after that. I grew closer to my ex's mother through this, as now she and I shared custody of my son. Now I have a hard time preaching about Mother's Day (which is a drawback for a minister). It strikes me as such a Hallmark Holiday, soemthing where everyone else has great fond memories of dear ol' mum, and I'm stuck with this memory of my little boy's face crumbing as he heard the news on the phone that morning. I'm left knowing how much Mother's Day can rip apart a mother who has lost a son.

Thank you for posting this thread, Bouncy, to acknowledge all of us having hard Mother's Days. :hug:

The one great Mother's Day sermon I ever heard was given in a United Methodist church in Georgia.

To paraphrase: the minister said that every Mother's Day sermon lauds Mary and other strong mothers in the Bible, but he felt that holding women up to that standard was unrealistic and unfair. He preached about allowing mothers to be human, etc etc.

The way he worded it was enough to bring the whole place to tears. He said be kind to mothers. Give a hug to a woman who has lost a child, even if it was 50 years ago. Say a kind word to someone who has lost their mother.

It was such a moving sermon.

sorting out the effects of a crazy mil here. she died a year ago, and it is just now sinking in. very twisted woman. never been to a drier-eyed funeral in my life. i think that it would have been helpful to make that break before she died, instead of just ducking it. now it hangs in the ether. losing a despised parent is a tangled mess.

It's been six years, so now I'm thinking in terms of "will we ever make peace before her death?"

That will depend on her.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother in law. I have a feeling my mother's funeral, when the time comes, will be one of the smallest you've ever seen. She's driven everyone off, never can keep any friends for longer than a week or two (they catch on to the fact that something is very wrong with her).

Anyway, thanks. I hope things get easier for you and yours.

She was very special and the only parent I ever had. My Father died on Father's day when I was two years old. I never knew him except in photos. Father's day was always very sad and I always got mad at God for taking my dad. I was very close to my Mom and will always celebrate Mother's Day in her honor.

Sad for me, I only have one daughter and we're as different as night and day. I never get any Mother's day acknowledgment from her. She's an angry woman, bipolar, very smart, makes a lot of money but can't be around her family. When she turned 18, she became a different complicated person. We thought it was a phase but she never changed. It's beyond my control.

Bipolar can be SO hard to deal with, hard to treat. We thought that's what my mother had for years, but she has Borderline Personality Disorder.

I hope things get better for you and your daughter.

my mum is still kicking but to this day not one time in my life do I ever remember her touching me. A bit cold you might say.

yeah. You could say so. :hug: