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I Humbly Submit My Application To Become DU's Official Lesbian

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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:39 PM
Original message
I Humbly Submit My Application To Become DU's Official Lesbian
if elected, i promise to travel and promote the 'lesbian agenda' by handing out free toaster strudel to all would-be lesbians, thereby increasing the 'pool' of available converts.

i will strike a deal with Proctor-Silex thereby granting FREE TOASTERS to EVERY LESBIAN who wishes to 'toast'

Lime J-E-L-L-O will be made the "Official Fruit" of the nation

Flannel Shirts would be tax-deductible

my people would LLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEE me!!!

*suggestions always welcomed*
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underpants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:40 PM
Response to Original message
1. Does this mean you get a daytime talk show?
Marketing it's all about the marketing.
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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:41 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. i can't WAIT to race that Tony Danza!!
i'll flip his ass!
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underpants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:43 PM
Response to Reply #2
8. FOCUS!!!
LEsbians don't "flip ass" as far as I know.
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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:44 PM
Original message
obviously, YOU haven't seen the video *I* have!
:bounce:
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underpants Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:03 PM
Response to Original message
21. Oh yeah THOSE
:woohoo:
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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:21 PM
Response to Reply #21
23. wait. you need THIS
:popcorn:
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GOPisEvil Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:41 PM
Response to Original message
3. Make a deal with Subaru to provide Foresters for special gifts.
:bounce:
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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:42 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. oooooooo i LIKE THAT!!
:thumbsup:
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KitchenWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:41 PM
Response to Original message
4. I am a gay man trapped in a woman's body
Do I count???
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ucmike Donating Member (999 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:43 PM
Response to Original message
6. i can support this. but i have one concern...
tv lesbian or real life lesbian?
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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:43 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. oh, i'm the real deal
:D
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curse10 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:44 PM
Response to Original message
9. trucks. we need tax breaks on trucks.
not that I'm a lesbian. But I met one, once. :evilgrin:
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SarahB Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:44 PM
Response to Original message
10. Damn, I was hoping for....
something else! :P
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ET Awful Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:44 PM
Response to Original message
11. I accept your application and offer you this snack


Any puns are purely coincedental :evilgrin:
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Midlodemocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:44 PM
Response to Original message
12. Um, do you think you should discuss this with Mrs. Matcom first?
I mean, I'm just sayin'
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BlackVelvetElvis Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:44 PM
Response to Original message
13. Yeah, but are you wearing the right shoes?
You know, the sensible kind.
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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:45 PM
Response to Reply #13
16. right
no stiletto pumps till AFTER Memorial Day
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JimmyJazz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:45 PM
Response to Original message
14. NO!
I have pictures of you kissing a man - I don't care what MisU says, it's against the by-laws. Now, give back the damned toaster oven and get over it. :P
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KamaAina Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:45 PM
Response to Original message
15. You forgot cats
DU's Official Lesbian (TM) must, MUST have cats (at least four)!
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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:29 PM
Response to Reply #15
31. but INDOOR only
;)
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bertha katzenengel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:46 PM
Response to Original message
17. If you want to be a token lesbian, you have to get at least one fact right
-- it's not toasters.

It's toaster ovens.

And -- lesbians & lime jello? I don't get it.

:hi:
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:23 PM
Response to Reply #17
24. Yeah, I'm not getting the lime jello thing either...
Edited on Tue May-10-05 04:23 PM by Misunderestimator
must be something matcom saw on one of those made-for-men faux-lesbian porn DVDs.
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bertha katzenengel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:30 PM
Response to Reply #24
32. hahahahahaha
Yeah, "Real Lesbians." :rofl:
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jonnyblitz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:48 PM
Response to Original message
18. you will have to grow a mullet also. nt
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edbermac Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 03:52 PM
Response to Original message
19. So when are you having your operation?
Just thinking about having it cut off makes me want to hurl...:puke:
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LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:01 PM
Response to Original message
20. If anyone can convert women to Lesbian, Matcom it's you
:D
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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:21 PM
Response to Reply #20
22. aw shucks
*i think* :think:
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:24 PM
Response to Reply #20
26. LOL... Just like my ex Dennis...
:) At least I liked telling him that. :)
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JimmyJazz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:23 PM
Response to Original message
25. Ha Ha - You are losing to a girl!
:P
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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:24 PM
Response to Reply #25
27. since we are lesbians...
wanna suck face? :D
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JimmyJazz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:26 PM
Response to Reply #27
30. Oh my! Yes, please!
HEY WAIT A SECOND! You're up to something sneaky, aren't you?
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:24 PM
Response to Reply #25
28. thats a surprise? thats why I withdrew, and the fact
that I knew I would lose to you.
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stellanoir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:25 PM
Response to Original message
29. but how on earth
will we ever find the appropriate tiara. . . ???
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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 04:41 PM
Response to Reply #29
33. i'm a size 6
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stellanoir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 05:10 PM
Response to Reply #33
34. I'm talking appropriate style honey
Size is totally quantifiable.
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matcom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 05:13 PM
Response to Reply #34
35. i like rhinestones
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stellanoir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 05:19 PM
Response to Reply #35
36. okay and it figures
Edited on Tue May-10-05 05:43 PM by stellanoir
I'm alexandrites all the way but there's no accounting for style.

rhinestones for you !!!
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