Saturday is just going to be SO much fun!

I'm looking forward to it, I really am. Although from the description of what's about to happen, you'll think I'm just BS'in ya.

Our district manager used to be Mike Cooper. Mike has been promoted to Vice President of the Southwest Region, so they sent us a new DM.

No one knows who this DM is. No one knows what he looks like. Or anything about him except that he HATES holes--empty spots on the shelves--and he's real nit-picky about safety. (And this isn't about safety.)

Here's why this shit's gonna be so much fun: SKU 969-291. GAF Royal Sovereign 25-year Fire Resistant shingle, Charcoal color, one-third square per bundle. Cost $12.19 per bundle. We sell probably $15,000 worth of shingles per week, and at least half of that is this one SKU...which, thanks to some fuckhead at GAF who can't figure out that when you receive an order for 864 bundles of Charcoal Royal Sovereign shingles from the Fayetteville Home Depot you're supposed to put 18 pallets of shingles on the back of a truck, wrap them up in a tarp and have someone drive said truck to the Fayetteville Home Depot, I've been completely out of this shingle for 17 days straight. (We keep four days' supply on hand because we're supposed to be replenished every fourth day. The truck last ran 21 days ago.)

This is why I'm attempting to find a suit of armor to wear to work on Saturday when I walk the new DM through the shingle aisle: When this gentleman gets halfway down the shingle aisle, he's gonna see that big-ass hole right there. And when I tell him that fucking hole has been so empty for so long, we're storing crap from other departments in it, one of three things are going to happen. Either his jaw's gonna drop so hard it will pop out of the socket, his ass is gonna hit the floor, or he's gonna hit the roof...and right after that, he'll want to punch someone. Because I'll be right there and they don't let you punch customers, I figure he'll be swingin' at me. Hence the need for the suit of armor.

Anyway, it should be entertaining.

Stick some realistic-looking shingle-type packaging on the shelf. Odds are he won't notice.

Or, you could preempt his anger and tell him about your supply troubles up front, before he has a chance to get mad at you.

As does the division vice president, the regional vice president, the national hardlines vice president, the Building Materials Global Product Merchant, the executive vice president of Home Depot Stores (his name is Tom Taylor and, while I would imagine he's a Republican, he is a very nice person to deal with ESPECIALLY when you're as pissed-off about a situation as I am about this) and Bob Nardelli.

This isn't going to change the fact that when this man sees that very profitable yet very empty 99-inch space, he's gonna need something to hit...and his choices are going to be the steel uprights and me.

On edit: if I just wanted to fake it, I'd just take a couple of the skids of white shingles we got earlier this year from Florida (it seems that somewhere in the Bush belt, there is an area where thousands of homes were roofed in white. Naturally, we figured that after Hurricanes Dubya, Jeb and Tom peeled everyone's roof off, everyone would want to put the same color back, so they sent truck after truck of white shingles down there...not realizing that slate-color shingles would be the popular choice because white roofs have fallen out of fashion. So...every store in the southeast got two truckloads of white shingles. I have plenty left if anyone wants some.) and stick them in the hole, but That Wouldn't Be As Much Fun.