You were all correct and I apologize.

Go read the Other Thread first.

I shouldn't treat a human being like the guy I love and live with as if he were a human being whose life was crushed into ashes because he got set up. I was totally wrong to have any sympathy for his situation, and I NEVER NEVER NEVER should have extended my hand in aid to him. I should have tossed him out as soon as I found out about his conviction, and I should have just totally discounted the "victim's" own testimony on the stand.

I ESPECIALLY shouldn't have paid off his fines and restitution and supervision fees because he wasn't able to find work. I guess I should have just let him stay on probation (he wasn't ever actually incarcerated). Shoot, had I done nothing, he'd STILL be on probation, if not locked up for being unable to pay the fees!

Boy, did *I* screw up!

I *never* should have held him when he sobbed over how effectively over his life is. I shouldn't have had enough of a heart beating in my chest to ask myself if I really support registry laws, because for God's sake, we have to protect your children at the cost of our psychological well-being, our sanity, our humanity.

Please forgive me for trying to make a point. It involved a sex offender, and I guess we're just going to have to live with being told that the person I love is lower than pond scum.

I guess, in the end, I'm just going to flat give up hope that maybe someday he can have a life where he has a small, fractional scintilla of self respect or self esteem. Why the hell should I be there for him, anyway? According to sooooooo many people on that Other Thread, he doesn't deserve ANY basic human decency.

So maybe I should pack up all his things RIGHT NOW and toss them out into the rain (in the same way, ironically, that my own parents did to me). I should change the locks, too, and tell everyone in our building how sorry I am for bringing such an eeeeeeevil thing- I won't use "person" because it's in vogue to not consider him as a person anymore- into their midst.

I guess I should cheer the fact that people like him can't get jobs, or even live in some areas. I should applaud the bumpersticker law in FL and, were we to move there, I should immediately give him the boot, because I don't have to tolerate that bumpersticker on my car; else, I just gotta suck it up.

I should be punished right along with him for being foolish enough to love him. Hey, it's MY decision to be here with him, right? So I guess I deserve everything he has coming to him, too.

Most of all, I apologize to EVERYONE for having a heart big enough to do what all of those blindly, madly vindictive people out there are either unwilling or unable to do.

I am bloody fucking sorry I ever. Cared. At. All.

Is everyone on that Other Thread happy now? I've admitted to God and the rest of the world how stupid it is to actually give a shit, and moreover, I've had it PROVEN to me.

Just remember: if this were to happen to you, and I knew you, I would be there for you as well. Not that that scores me any points with the "kill all the sex offenders" crowd. Truthfully, caring about the unpopular hasn't ever scored me any points at all, and that fact got handed to me oin a silver platter with all the trimmings today.

I'm going to go sob for a while. I'll be back when all that silly compassion stuff gets out of my system.

:cry: :cry: :cry:

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

and I didn't think such a post as this belonged in GD.

Many folks here don't even venture into GD, and vice versa. You're missing your target audience here.

And I don't want to make yet another DU enemy but your immediate response was just a little cold.

I never saw the rule that said what kind of post is off limit in the lounge. More than a few posts here are from people in pain.

My immediate response was cold. I read the original thread and thought that if the OP wanted to address those folks directly it was best to go to the horses' mouth. If she weren't posting a follow-up to a 200+ response thread on another board, my response would likely have been different.

Geez, that the- what, fouth time someone's mistaken my sex now?

:D

Seriously, walk away from the computer now and take a break. Internet bullshit isn't worth the extra grief you are getting. I have been there myself and you just have to get away from it.

There is a huge lack of compassion sometimes in these boards. i myself was guilty of it just a little with some of my post in the thread for which I now wish to apologise.

You are in a difficult situation that really doesn't have a solution. You and he are just going to have to deal with what life has dealt you. It sucks but so many of our lives do.

The only persective I can put on the horrors that life brings us and the horrors of the news is to imagine the lives led in countries that are still pretty much a living hell. We may be living under a despotic shitty fucking regime but most of us have roofs over our heads and at least some hope that life can turn out better.

As for the he/she thing, read above:

"If she weren't posting a follow-up to a 200+ response thread on another board"

Why do so many people think I'm female? Is it my language, the way I type.... what???

I too assumed you wre female. Maybe it's that undeclared thing in your profile. :-)


Sorry misread the whole thing. That's what 5 glasses of wine will do to you and I aint talking wine glasses but bigass tumblers full.

:think:

usually i respect and agree w/your posts, but i disagree on this issue. the orig poster is asking for emotional support after having been viciously attacked in GD. many have come to the lounge for a rest after a tough session in GD, please don't take it upon yourself to be our hall-monitor or to decide who is worthy & who is not.


if i have misread you and you were posting sardonically, my apologies; i missed your point. but if i've read your stance correctly, your post is unduly harsh and more than a little judgemental.

I just got on and this is the first thing I clicked. I have no idea what happened in the "other" thread, but I am sorry you feel so bad. I hope venting made you feel a little better.

Second page, now, I think. 240+ posts.

Oooo boy. Heading in.

Havent followed the threads, and will refrain from chiming in with my "personal views", but bottom line... I hope things get better for you. Maybe some time alone with your own thoughts and away from here is something you should consider.

MZr7

Most posters just saw what you were proposing as prepostorous and pointed out the facts that the number of abusers outweighed the number of false accusations and that many of the false accusations were because of the doings of evil adults.

I am truly sorry that your life is a burden because of the situation.

But you shouldn't let the fact that very few people would support your idea bother you so much. The biggest problem with your idea is that the sex offender registries do for the most part serve a valuable purpose. I am not aware of any cases of serial liars although I am sure there are a few. But your idea just was a total non-starter.

It just wasn't touched upon but briefly in that one.

wrongly accused. Maybe you should realise that his experience is NOT indicative of all cases involving kids and abuse.

:banghead:

:hug:

I know folks who have suffered in a similar fashion and who are suffering today because of accusations and lies. Anyone who thinks that some ex-wives don't make up this stuff to maintain full custody and to punish their ex's are mistaken.

Check out the signature - the link helps when you need to scream. :hug:

if he truly was railroaded--perhaps he felt it would be best to plead as he did and get it over with. But the great percentage of child molestation cases are not fabrications and the people who do this type of thing are dangerous and the community does deserve to know if there is a convicted child molester living nearby. In your husbands case has the "victim" recanted? is there any way he could clear his name? If so, maybe he can get off that registry.

As for you supporting him through all of this and your belief in him, I think that says a great deal for the kind of person you must be. Obviously you believe in him or else you wouldn't put yourself through all of this.

I do believe he's telling the truth (hell, I don't NEED to believe HIM; I've read the damn transcripts for myself!), but there's nothing I can do except gab about it.

but please also get some counseling for yourself. It's clear that you have a lot of unresolved anger about the situation you and your husband are in, and if you'll forgive me, this is not a safe place to air this kind of thing.

You are exposed to any number of people attacking you for any number of reasons, and it really doesn't help you resolve your own pain at this situation.

I don't know enough about your situation to make any kind of judgement. I just hope that you both are getting good counseling and can move on with your lives in a positive way.

and not surprized @ the reaction you got. bet they called you an "enabler", right? w/o knowing ANY of the facts of the case, merely because he's registered.

i despise that misused registry and have complete contempt for self-professed liberals that are so easily misled and so out of emotional control that they can't see beyond their prejudices.

i don't know what your SO was convicted of. sounds like a lesser offense if all he rec'd was probation. there are SO many offenses listed under "sex crimes" that certainly DO NOT call for branding-for-life, but the closed-minded (and the freeper moles that are here to agitate) will not even consider that anyone so-branded might have only committed something that shd only be considered an indiscretion. to them, your SO, & you due to enabling, are as guilty as Manson.


o/c, i don't know if he was guilty, either. i'm a retired policeman and i KNOW how often the law is misapplied, how often police manufacture evidence, how ofren they perjure themselves; because in their minds they have the right to do so.

a HUGE amount of injustice is being perpetrated w/ these registries and i absolutely believe the intent is to bring back the puritanical "scarlet letter" mentality. i also believe that our handlers intend to broaden the scope of registering "criminals" in order to continue and increase social control.

again, i'm sorry for the treatment & lack of compassion you've experienced here. we are NOT all like that; please stay and help correct the misbehaviors of our self-proclaimed prosecutors here in this "liberal" community.


EDIT: was typing (i'm slow) whilst persons more familiar w/ the facts were posting. i believe i have a clearer picture of the situ now. doesn't change the thrust of my post; there are certain people here that, either because they DO NOT belong here, are pressing their own agenda, and are intent on sowing distrust & discord; or, because they can NOT divorce themselves from an emotional reaction so viscerial that clear thought is impossible, are acting like wounded hyenas and snapping @ the entrails of themselves and other members of this community. i'm ashamed of these automata and angered at their self-righteous filth.

pls ck your PM.

I did not see any of it and I do not want to see any of it. I do want to say that right or wrong a person showing compassion for someone in trouble will always have my support and sympathy for being just that, compassionate.

It IS possible to feel that way even if you do not agree. That is something lots and lots of people have not learned yet. Maybe they never will and maybe I am wrong. Still, I am sorry you are so upset by it.

I want you to know that I in no way meant to belittle what you're going through. I'm very sorry that you and your husband are going through such a painful moment. My sole exception was to your proposal for a solution. I admit I was rather strident. But none of that was directed at you personally or your situation with your husband. I only hope for the best for both of you.

I ONLY posted that "solution" because I wanted people to at least consider what it might be like if it were their child, or student, or whatever, falsely accusing them. I wanted people to think about why these registries might not be a good idea.

The number of people who chimed in saying "oh, no, NOT for CHILDREN!" only proved my point. Their hypocrisy is absolutely staggering- on the one hand, they're willing to let someone who didn't do anything but pled guity anyway suffer right along with those who DID offend; on the other hand, they're totally unwilling to even consider an appropriate parallel punishment for a child making a false accusation.

I just... don't understand that. Because they're "just kids"? We treat kids as adults all the time in our legal system. Nobody seems to have much of a problem with a 12 year old getting tried as an adult for premeditated murder, but if they're concocting a story that will destroy someone's else's future, well, they get a pass because they're 'just a kid'.

That was the point I was trying to make, and it got complertely out of hand, and I got my ass burned and what little credibility I had here shot all to hell in the process- which is why these two posts regarding this topic are the very very LAST ones I'll ever make on the topic.

I don't EVER want to go through this again!

No one wants to see innocent people suffer, child or adult. Just because they weren't willing to consider your solution doesn't mean they don't want any solution.

But, I don't want to rehash it here. You're understandably upset over a very awful situation.

with children being treated as adults-

in ANY situation-

What stuck out in your OP here, was your saying something to the fact that "i should just throw him out like trash, like my parents did me"-

that line spoke volumes to me-

Kids go through all kinds of shit- and while there comes a time when one has to become 'accountable' for your actions- when you have the maturity, and 'tools' to make responsible decisions, then YOU have to stand 'accountable'-

i will ALWAYS be an advocate for the child- because children become who they are, to a VERY great degree, on the treatment, guidance, and nurturing they've recieved in thier 'youth'- and it takes a HELL of alot of work, strength, courage, and help, to overcome some of that crap- including NEGLECT- NOT 'modeling' or teaching our kids what they need to 'make it' in this world-

Why? alot of times because the 'adult' is still a 'wounded child' themself- or they're too busy trying to 'make ends meet' or too selfish to take the time and effort necessiary to raise children-

it's the toughest job in the world- but worth every bit of effort-

You need to listen to your woundedness- you are hurting- but 'revenge' especially 'revenge' against a child, even if they 'lied'- won't fix anything- to quote that movie "Parenthood" you need a liscence to drive, to drink, to own a dog, but any asshole can be a parent- Kids are at OUR mercy- if they are mean and nasty, they've learned to be that way to get what they NEED- often much different from what they 'want'-

peace

1) Don't bring up personal issues on DU, it never works out. Ever. If it appears to have worked out, it's just doing a long ellipse and turning around to come bite you back in the ass.

2) If something personal does get brought up, realize that 90% of the people responding have no background in the matter, of the 10% left - half of them are dumber than the other half, of that 5% remaining percent, 1% rounded up to the nearest whole person has experienced something identical to you. So only give 1/100th of 5% of a shit what people here think about your personal issues.

3) Remember rule number 1.

nt.

:evilfrown:

definitely understand it. My stepdad was wrongly accused of just such a thing. Fortunately it didn't go as far with him as it did with your hubby. He was suspended from work for a LONG time (he is a custodian for the school district), so it was hell on my mom.

As far as I can tell, the whole ordeal was brought on because the child that accused him was pissed off because she wanted a new pair of jeans, was told that mom couldn't afford them, but mom still bought stepdad a carton of cigarettes. Child got jealous, made false accusation, spiralled out of control from there.

That's a very concise version of it.

Here's a big :hug: for you and yours. Like I said, I don't know if your solution would work or not, but I can understand why you'd be for it.

:hug:

It in all honesty wasn't ever intended to be taken as such. Rather, it was intended to make people think. Admittedly, I never came right out and said that, but....

I sometimes get the same reaction when I begin to describe Schrodinger's Cat. "Poison a cat in the name of science? Nooooo!"

I've seen people I previously admired for their progressive values suddenly post approvingly of castration or murder for sex offenders. I'm in a glass house here, because there are rare occasions when I approve of the death penalty, but it makes me hurt to see otherwise compassionate human beings crying for sex offenders to be killed out of hand, guilty until proven innocent.

Especially since many of us conveniently forget that many if not most sex offenders were molested themselves. Without context, without the facts necessary for judgement, we rush in and declare that guilty=death. We are not far removed from freepers, some of us.

My opinion? Caring about the falsely accused in NO WAY takes away from or says you don't care about child abuse, and the children that are abused. They can be separated from one another, and each group shown compassion and mercy.

Oddly enough, DU has a huge percentage of apologists in just about any other situation. Got pistol whipped while being carjacked, and have the grandmother you were on the way to taking to the hospital dragged from the car by her blue hair? Well - the poor car-jacker was probably just hungry and put out of work by this Bush economy, so it wasn't his fault. You can get another car, and granny can make another appointment for tomorrow. Don't be so mean to the poor victim forced into a life of crime. You don't know what he's been through!!! :eyes: Or whatever- you can't have been on DU for long and not seen that sort of justification and rationalization occur.

I've yet to figure out the system used around here to determine which people to "forgive and feel sorry for" or which people to "string up by the balls".

kgfnally, your story sounds quite plausible to me, and I have heard of other stories occurring. It's HORRIBLE. I dated a man for awhile who's ex told everyone she encountered he was a pedophile. I had people in our small town ask me about it a couple of times. She never accused him in a COURT - she just uses it to get sympathy and stir up animosity toward the father. That sort of behavior is BULLSHIT.

I don't know that I agree with the "registry" idea you mentioned - but I kind of got the impression you threw that out there as more of a "think about this" scenario than a hard core advocation for it. I don't know what the answer is - or how to fix it. Kids need all the protection they can get - they really don't have enough as it is. At the same time, no one should have to suffer through being falsely accused, and the penance for a false accusation should be HUGE. I don't know what the answers are - but I do indeed see there's a problem.

Good luck to you and your husband. :hug:

I was molested as a kid, and I think there is more wrong with the system and the fanaticism in US culture about the subject...well, not more wrong than what I was going to say, but damn, I think it's fucked up.

Thanks for addressing the problem publicly. I thought the whole registry idea was a bad idea when it came out, just on principle. I knew then, and I still know that there's no way in hell it's not going to be just another way to manipulate people.

And I'll close by drawing your attention to two recent posts of mine.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=276&topic_id=1662&mesg_id=1662

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=104&topic_id=3685802&mesg_id=3685802

:hug:

and I didn't criticize you.

I feel for you. It's a rotten situation.

I think they're a bad idea for adults, as well. I've always been iffy on them, but your posts on this issue have helped to sway me. And, I do realize that your whole point about adding children was to try to point out how bad all lists are. You were very unclear that that was your point, and when it appeared that you were defending the notion, it seemed as though you were advocating such a list seriously.

Honestly, I do feel that if you had just come out and said "Sex offender registries are wrong and here's why", the outcome might have been a little bit different. Because as ludicrous as your "suggestion" sounded, there are plenty of people who would seriously advocate such a thing as creating a list for lying children. And, on a message board, it's really hard to make the point the way you tried to without people taking you the wrong way. Because child abuse is a subject that very few people look at lightly.

Anyway, I'm sorry things blew up the was they did.

It reminded me why I don't go to GD anymore. Sorry about all the troubles.

The OP has indicated that this topic is closed.