"You are sooooooooo full of sin"

Well, going to bars is now out of the question.

Can't even begin to get comfortable until I down 2 beers, and even then I must look pretty tense in order for people to even talk to me...

This is living at its finest.

I've yet to fathom why God created me, apart from being a joke... surely it's more than to say on a message forum that "George W Bush seems to be the anti-christ, that's what I learned from the atheists' booth today." :eyes:

I don't know if that works for gay people, but I don't see why it wouldn't. There is a woman who is coming from Colorado to Ohio just to see the sites and to visit with me later this summer. I've been talking to her via e-mail since last January. We have become good friends in that time and we have exchanged addresses and pictures. I doubt anything will come of it because she is more conservative than I, but I'm still holding out hope for a conversion.

You are a very likeable guy, HypnoToad. I would like to hang out with you some time in person. I think if a potential mate were to get to know you that they would find you irresistable.

Not that I'll let that bother me...

But with ~2 months to live and kinda desperate and wishing I never had the damn surgery... lonliness hurts more than you can imagine... and I didn't even know the impression I was giving...

What the fuck! What happened?

1. My surgery has not resolved the core problems and now my feet are getting tingly. It's getting worse each day. Of course, I spent three fucking years trying to tell people what my symptoms were, just to be told it was just anxiety. (even my ex-counselor had said to a co-worker who brought me in "You mean he really has those symptoms?" I refuse to see another fucking quack, I'd rather rot than to be told it's nothing. It isn't nothing and if it took 3 years to get anything done before, it makes no god damn difference now. I already know I'm about to experience a catastrophic change...)

2. Our lives depend on money. I am out of a job and my savings will be reduced to Zero by end end of August. No money = no life. It's as simple as that.

3. I've been having problems with my heart rate... Not yet confirmed by a doctor, but it's likely related to a congenital condition I have.

Maybe I have more time than that, but one thing is certain: I don't expect to be alive by year's end. Physical degeneration or extermination of funds is going to be the cause. I've decided to attempt to ride out the money thing and prepare myself emotionally for the end. Seems better than to think things will continue undifferentiated and then feel the brunt of my own personal crash if/when the time comes. (maybe I will survive what is to happen, but I may as well get the shock out my system now.)

Have you ever heard of bankruptcy?

I think you've got a lot more time left in you. I do not doubt your physical ailments, but most hospitals are willing to work with you as far as payment for treatment is concerned. I've seen people get treatment for free because of their financial situation.

If you ever need some help, please feel free to contact me. I live in Ohio, but I wouldn't mind having a room mate if you could make the trip. I'm serious. Just give me a PM.

A financial advisor told me $16k wouldn't be enough to declare chapter 7. So they will take everything. (unless I find a way of making chapter 13 work for me in the short term once my funds run out.)

If you are serious, I have been looking for a new job anyway and will happily include other states. Maybe it's a good thing I'll soon have nothing; it'll make moving easier. :D

And maybe it's just raynaud's syndrome at best or diabetes at worst. I suppose I should go check and hope they take the time to listen rather than tell me it's all anxiety or made-up. (I kept telling them for 3 years and nobody listened until someone else, out of fortunate happenstance, told the damn quack what I'd told him and 3 or 4 other people over the years all along! I owe that person my life; had she not gone to the doctor's office that day I'd likely be even worse off today.)

I was being way too early in my conclusions, now that I think about it. And letting my fear consume me in the process...

If you ever find yourself in dire straights give me a holler. I'd love to have you.

please explain?