What is the point? Is this all there is?

I hate to sound negative, because I have always been the optimist in my group of friends. But I have accomplished "The American Dream" for all intents and purposes and so far, I am unimpressed.

I am a married man with a great wife and I have 2 children. That alone, I suppose, gives me a status some would envy. My children give me great joy when I am not having to use the "discipline voice" on them. They (my children) are also very well behaved. Neither my 2 year old nor my 10 month old go in to a screaming fit when we are in public. They are great kids.

However, ever since I was very young, I have always looked forward to the future. When I would "have this" or when "things would be different."

Things are different, I suppose. But nothing seems that diffent.

I have single friends that tell me they wish they had what I have.

Am I unappreciative, or does life just suck in general?

:hi:

What you are feeling is not uncommon.


We are conditioned by a steady diet of advertising and socialization to expect, even demand, certain things out of life. A spouse, 2.5 children, dog or cat and a house with a white-picket fence. Top it off with a car or two in the driveway (or garage) and maybe a backyard pool and viola!--the American Dream.

Then there is pressure to "keep up with the Joneses". Your (generic "you" here) neighbor gets a new SUV so you feel the need to do the same. Your high-def big-screen television has to be better than that of the Robertsons. Sooner or later your credit card debt is in the double digits.

But are you really happy? You have all the trappings of happiness according to societies teachings, yet you still feel unfulfilled. You begin to wonder where you went wrong, what else there might be.


Buddhism has a very logical explanation for this effect contained within the first two of their "Four Noble Truths". (This is not a treatise on Buddhism, but just a few points from it).

The First Noble Truth: Life contains dukkha. Dukkha is most commonly translated as "suffering", but it can also mean "dissatisfaction".

The Second Noble Truth: Craving and attachment cause dukkha. In other words, our constant craving for more, and attachment to things we are told (by society/advertising/people) to want causes us suffering and dissatisfaction. Instead of being happy with what we have, we are always wanting more, better, newer, etc.




Essentially people have been sold a bill of goods. Buy, consume, have and live-it-up and you will be happy! We are shown countless images of people "living the good life" and think if we get to where they are we too will be like they are. We work hard, buy things, forge relationships and the like. But when we get "there", wherever there is, we realize that the vision we saw in our heads isn't our reality. We aren't as happy as we expected.

To heck with the movies, the advertisements, the songs and the novels. Let's learn to be happy with life as it is, not as we are told it should be.
:applause:

And the Buddhist gems within (The First Noble Truth: sh** happens; The Second Noble Truth: I want more sh**).

I can't relate to the attainment-of-the-American-Dream-syndrome, because I've all my life taken a fairly divergent path (thus far, with the skimpy bank account to show for it), but I can vouch for those conditions being the catalyst for the archetypal Midlife Crisis. I recently saw American Beauty for the first time and think it'd be worth a look and a bit of a ponder about.

What it all boils down to, I think, is that happiness starts and finishes nowhere else but inside you. That kinda sucks, because it's ultimately nothing that anyone else can bestow upon you (think of it this way, too: if it were a commodity able to be given you by another, if you were depressed you'd still be unable to enjoy it).

I don't know the way out, in terms of concrete, practical steps....whatever you do, though, please don't go out and buy a Harley.

Very true. That reminds me of something I saw on the door of one of my clients at work. It says "It is difficult to find happiness within myself, and impossible to find it elsewhere".

is family, health and security. If you got those taken care of....

Well you might be feeling a little insecure about the future given the dreadful state of affairs all our affairs, meaning the country's, are in...

So settle down, look at yur kids and try and keep all thing in perspective.....

She and her husband sat down and started thinking about why this was. They decided that much of it came from consumerism (giving us the idea that we are never good enough and we need more crap). They looked around their house and saw numerous things that they didn't really need. They looked inward at their lives and found that they were just trying to keep up appearances and that they really didn't function as a family (she and her husband worked long hours, kids always at practices or activities). They decided to give it up. They sold their house, moved to a small town, she went back to school and became certified to teach (which she now does). They bought a smaller house in the country w/ a little bit of land. They now grow much of their own food (canning, dehydrating and freezing it all together as a family). They put off buying all new items and try to find out why they think they really need them. They work in the "garden" together. They volunteer their time for various causes together. They have dinner together every single night. They help their children w/ their homework and play board games together after all work is done(instead of watching tv in separate rooms. They now have only one tv and it's hooked up to an antenna.) They pick out one book as a family and each member reads a chapter out loud to the rest of the family every night (except for the baby, obviously). They don't spend money on going out to eat or entertainment. They don't buy unneeded junk. And she says that they are the happiest that they have ever been (before, they were considering divorce).
Maybe simplifying your life might help. It really helped her.

that you can make, maybe you need to give yourself things to look forward to. I don't know whether you go on vacation or not (or whether you can afford to go on vacation), but if possible, vacations are a good way to have something to look forward to and to have some change in your life. If you do go on vacation already, are you always going to the same places? If so, would changing the location help?

Do you feel stuck in a rut? Maybe you need to find things that add variety to your life. Find things that bring joy into your life. Certain types of music make a real difference in reference to the way I see life. (Celtic music especially.) Find what truly feeds your soul.

Another thing is that we sometimes focus too much on the future. I know that I am sometimes thinking of what I'm going to have for my next meal when I'm eating, or I'm thinking about my next bite while chewing my current bite. There's something to be said for totally experiencing the current moment. It's a skill that must be learned, but it can be done if one is mindful about it. This, in and of itself, can bring real joy to life.

Good luck, and we're here for you! :hug: