I am Bibbiki Mbumbi of the Nigerian Central Bank-I have an offer for you

Great institution!!

and he promised me a solid gold, ruby encrusted robot as a 'deal closer', so i am disinclined to accept unless you can sweeten the kitty so as to say

but if you know where I can read something, hell, anything, about how to increase my partner's erotic pleasure, please let me know.

I am actually Mr. Generis' houseboy and I wished to inform you of a dreadful incident that occurred just this morning.

If you will recall from our last discussion, Mr. Generis has a dreadful allergy to sunlight and cannot tolerate most forms of food and only the freshest of meats.

This morning, as I was bringing Mr. Generis his usual breakfast of two whole freshly killed lambs and a goblet of fresh blood, I inadvertantly stirred the drapes, which caused a shaft of sunlight to illuminate Mr. Generis where he lay in bed and which led him to immediately expire upon the spot.

I shall be handling his affairs from this point forward. I will be bringing a suitcase to Nigeria in person with $4MM dollars in cash and rubies, per your request. In the unlikely event that there are problems with the transfer of the yacht and the bank accounts, I am also bringing a small security detachment, whom I have authorized to shoot dead and dismember anyone who gives us difficulty, so that you will be spared any further trouble from the evil Dr. NGombi after he treated your family so terribly.

First I must stop in the forests of Bavaria for an ancient religious ceremony practiced this time of year by my family for generations, the Shaving of the Teutonic Beaver. First, my daughter and I will go deep into the black forest to a shrine known only to ourselves. We are required to paint both our Anterior and our Posterior bright blue, and then to lay a trap for the Wild Teutonic Beaver by leaving a trail of german sausages leading to the shrine. We will then capture the Wild Beaver and proceed with the ceremony in which we shave the beaver and release it back into the wild.

Following this important ceremony, we shall be in Nigeria forthwith. Please advise me as to your availability to meet at the airport. I shall make arrangements for transporation upon your reply.

-Mr. Renfield

Oh-- I can't breathe-- MR. RENFIELD!!! :rofl:

Dear Sir,

Thank you very much for writing to me. I am Conchita and I am so poor that I have no last name, as my father could not afford one for me. We live on a small island in the South Pacific and are the only family that has lived here for the past one hundred years.

Unfortunately, we have eaten almost everything on the island except for the dirt and two skinny dogs that are too old to scratch fleas. Fortunately, we ate all the fleas so there are none left for the dogs to worry about.

I am so pleased that you have offered to send us all that money. We have not seen money for the last three generations as we have no place to spend it and no means of getting to a place where we could spend it if we wanted to. I can assure you that we will take excellent care of your funds and invest them wisely. Our plan for the money is as follows:

1. We want to build a deep-water port in Williwilli, our little lagoon here on the island.

2. We then want to bring in a barge with an electrical generator so that we can have electricity on the island once again. We haven't had electricity in over two hundred years because the last generator broke down and we have no parts to repair it.

3. We want to build a school here so the children can learn to read and write. It is really hard to create email messages with no electricity and no knowledge of reading or writing skills.

4. We then want to install a phone company so we can communicate with the outside world and meet more wonderful people like you and your blessed family.

5. We then want to build a satellite cable system so we can watch television and see all the latest fights in the world. We don't have those here and miss them very much. We think that we could probably hook up a computer to the cable or telephone lines so we could send email messages to our newfound friends when we get them.

6. We want to build a grocery store so we have a place to buy things like bubble gum and candy, something we have never had here.

7. We will then need to build a road from our cave to the grocery store so we can get there. Of course, we will need a car to drive on the road or there will be no point in having a road, will there?

8. If we get a car we will need gas and oil but maybe we could just take some from the electrical generator and save that money for a beauty salon, something we really need here. Have you seen the women around here? They are just awful looking.

9. Of course, we will have to build a church so we have a place to go and be thankful for the gifts you have offered us.

Once all these things have been completed, if there is any money left we would like to use it to build a house to live in. The hole we use for an outhouse is rapidly filling up since we began receiving your letters of appeal and we will need to move soon as the cave will be unbearable to live in during hot weather. Air conditioning in our new house would be nice too.

It is too bad that I am only eight years old. If I were older I could come and visit you if you sent me an airplane ticket and an airplane with pontoons on it so it could land in the lagoon. One of my grandchildren would like to come and visit you also, if you don't mind.

I shall patiently await the arrival of the next bottle with your message telling us when the money will be here. Thank you again, for your kind generosity; it is sincerely appreciated.

Conchita

Someone at 419eater.com wrote it and I borrowed it. Would you believe that one scammer even replied. Just goes to show how dumb they are.

Well done!

:rofl:

So I don't need your offer.