I'm depressed and I've decided to get drunk. Ask me anything

as I make an unusually desperate (for me anyway) bid for attention that I will surely regret when I wake up with a hangover in the morning.

Or, this could sink to the bottom, proving that no one cares and then I will be even more depressed. :-)

Why are you depressed? Do you know?
:hug: Hugs can help...

My dad is very sick in the hospital with heart problems. His heart is enlarged and they can't get the sinus rhythm to stop beating irregularly. Today we had to discuss how he wanted to die and have him sign a living will.

I hope it doesn't come to that, but just contemplating it was very difficult and I've been on the verge of tears all day.

:hug:

Maybe you need to just let the tears flow. There's no shame in that.

I'm sorry you have to bear such a difficult burden right now. How fortunate your dad is to have you there to help him. I'm sure it must comfort him to know that his wishes will be carried out.

another :hug:

I hope that your Dad is alright.

:-(

:hug:

:toast:

Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade. Three down and three to go, although I admit the typing is becoming harder.

didnt know that. lol youre probably wondering why I know about Mike's hard lemonaide, my family does have a beach house and I see whats there and at family parties. no question.

Message: I care!

:hi:

What is the cause of your despair my friend?

It's a temporary alleviation, but alcohol is a depressant, and is not really an excellent way to deal with the emotional stresses you're no doubt going though.

Get lots of water. Sleep late tomorrow. And take care.

I hardly ever drink but I just can't seem to let myself have a really good cry. I'm hoping this will loosen the floodgates and I can have a nice, cathartic breakdown.

A sad movie might help too.

Beethoven's 7th, second movement, for example. The fourth movement of the Ninth is cathartic as well.

Any hour of the day, we're here. So go ahead. Let the sadness work itself out. And if you need some kind words, we're here.

:grouphug:

My father died of Emphysema. It was a slow painful process and he was so brave.
Several days before he died he called me to say goodbye. He told me how proud he was of me and how I was living his life for him (he was a frustrated actor and I had become a professional) and that he would be in the wings when I made it to broadway. He told me he was going to OD on morphine. All my sibs were there with him and I was not because I had been divorced and had no money to get there twice (I had gone several months before to see him).

The next day my stepmother called and told me he was still alive. We got hysterical laughing about how the only exit offstage he messed up was his last one. It wasn't really funny of course, but you'd have to know my father to know why we reacted that way.

He did die a few days later and I still miss him. That was ten years ago.

You will cry when you are ready.

Making peace with them before they go. My mom died about four years ago, so this whole process is just so fresh in my mind. It was so hard in the hospital room today because he started talking about my mom and the plans they didn't get to finish. My brother committed suicide two years ago, so there's just so much pain and loss there.

I think I'm afraid to let myself start crying because I don't know if I could stop.

On edit: I forgot to add that my sister has Hepatitis C and is really sick right now as well.

No wonder you are numb. But you will stop crying. I understand that fear. For me it wasn't crying, but rage. I had a lot to feel rage over and I finally did get it out of my system and I did stop screaming.

You have so much sadness and you will get it out and you will survive the process.

When my Father died we all gathered from around the country and we drank and played games. We cried and laughed and just knew he would be proud that we continued. We all grieved but we all drank and tried to have fun. He would have wanted it that way. You will stop crying and see that you live on to do what needs to be done. All my prayers and well wishes are with you and know that you are still loved and admired. Take all the time you need to grieve and come back an even stronger person.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,
Lynndew2

so I think the wake would be a little premature. <-- Lame attempt at humor.

Thanks for your prayers and wishes though.

and read the 'glurge' section. That always does it for me.

Uplifting tales of hope over-schmaltzed always give me the sniffles.

My father died two years ago. I quit my job and went to be with him until the end. I'm glad I did.

Take care of yourself.

I know how you feel. I am currently living with an enlarged heart. The doctors told me that I cannot engage in any strenuous exercise, or I may die. This shocks me because I am athletic and it makes me very depressed. :( I hope your dad gets better. My thoughts and prayers are with him. :hug:

But I'm not at all familiar with the condition, so I hope you don't mind questions. Do you know what caused it? Is there medicine to treat it?

how it's caused. I originally went to the doctor's for what they feared to be an aneurism. I got a CT/MRI, and everything was fine there. So they wanted to check other body systems to see if any other ones were causing the pain in my head/neck.

They first checked my cardiovascular system. The doctors connected me to one of those heart monitors they use for a stress test, which I was going to take. Somehow, looking at the paper which was recording my heart beats, the doctor saw something unusual.

He called another doctor to ask if I could take the stress test, because my heart was abnormally large. They had me run for a 1/2 hour, and nothing happened to me (ie heart attack/problems) and sent me on my way. They told me I cannot engage in any sports/exercise that requires a lot of vigorous activity.

Here's a link I found about heart enlargement. I hope it helps. http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4517

Angelus

I hope all goes well for you.

TY. :)

lost my father a few years ago, it was very traumatic to say the least and I miss him like crazy then my mother died 3 months later.

I remember having been without sleep for around 50 hours (no lie) just after he passed away, I hadn't cried and I was going to take a shower and hit me, damn I cried so hard though I would never stop.

Peace be with you my friend, I'm right there with you

but thanks. I know I'm not the only one who has gone through this. Just doesn't make it any easier.

feeling for you, the booze is not the answer though even though I do the same myself when I'm feeling low.

But it is a temporary solution for tonight. It sure makes it hard to type though. :-)

Just hang in there my friend! Please PM me if you ever want to chat... I've been there and my heart is breaking for you. My shoulder, my ears, are all yours and please don't hesitate- I mean that sincerely.

For the hang-over, please don't forget your alka-seltzer tonight.

Peace

You and your family are in my prayers. Don't laugh but DU is turning me into a praying fool!

Always works for an emotional chickenshit like me. Cause I have trouble dealing with things like that head on. For some reason it's easier for me to let it all out on something that doesn't matter when the things that do matter are staring me in the face.

Hope nothing but the best for your Dad and Sister. Hang tough, you're a great person and you have all the strength you need to handle whatever comes.

I lost my dad at just about this time of year and have been thinking about him quite a lot. I don't know if it's easier to be prepared for this or not. At least you will know what he wants. Enjoy the time that you have with him. Take the time, ask questions and really listen to the answers. Everyday, I think of one more thing I wish I had asked mine. I wish you a lot more time with your dad. I care.:-)

Like everyone else, sorry to hear about things.
Hope the morning finds you better.
:-)

I am so sorry about your Dad and all the loss you have had. Maybe you could stay with a close friend or family member for a few days. Send me a PM if you ever want to chat on the phone. :hug:

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

from a morning at the hospital. Much better day today. He seems to be adjusting to the fact that he's not getting out any time soon. The doctor came by and they've determined that he also has pneumonia.

I brought him some old family photos to look at and he liked that. After lunch — he wants me to cut all of his food but I can't feed him — he was able to get in a wheelchair and we tooled around the hallways for awhile. It was enough to wear him out and he wanted to take a nap.

Anyway, I'm not someone who is very good at reaching out. It was nice to have so many of you here when I did. I finally did manage to have a really good cry last night and a nice middle of the night conversation with a friend.

Today my outlook is much brighter, but I can't tell you how much it meant to have you here when I was feeling so alone and scared. Thanks so much for the hugs, kind words and prayers. It really meant a lot.

:loveya: :grouphug: :loveya: