Things that annoy Billy Connolly

Actually, I'm not sure whether all of these come from the Big Yin, though I recall him saying at least one or two of these within the recorded material that I have.

For those who're not familiar, Mr Connolly's been considered one of the top few funny dudes on the planet by a large chunk of the world for three decades (the US has never had the privilege of being in on it much). He has also gained a lot of credit as a serious actor, particularly of late.

By the way, his video and DVD offerings have only been available in the PAL broadcast system, that's peeved me no end as a yanqui imperialist, but there's a new one out that's called "The Greatest Hits Of Billy Connolly," available in PAL on DVD, Region 1 encoded for the US. Gonna get that one ASAP. It includes parts of his other recorded outings - two hurs and ten minutes of Billy from the '70s through the '90s!

He's a dude - I cannae say enough good aboot him. I just read his biography, actually, that was written by his wife and became a bestseller in the UK and points west and east.

Anyway, here are the (alleged) Billyisms du jour...the accent really adds to the proceedings.

Annoying things

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the f*** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too". F***ing right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f*** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f***ing floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved', which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the f***?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f***ing does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, knob-head?

10. People who say things like “My eyes aren't what they used to be”. So what did they used to be? Ears? Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks “Is that nice?” No, it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks. That's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f***ing McTosser.

14. When you're involved in a accident and someone asks “are you all right?” Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.





For more about Billy:

http://www.billyconnolly.com/

http://freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/

very funny , he did some movies too .

Has a new movie out soon, Michael Chrichton time-travel thang.

:P

Yer keelie is geein' the linggwa a'by an'at.


IMDB says that Timeline is premiering in the US on November 26.

http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0300556/

I read the book just a while back and have totally forgotten the plot already. Don't know if that's a reflection on Mikey Crichton or on my sleep-deprvation-addled mind. The film's already got one review on IMDB (positive).

Because I have no idea what I just wrote - or very little, anyway. Though the subject line's the first line of Robert Burn's poem about a louse (that supposedly finally got Billy Connolly excited about reading when he was a kid).

It's a pretty verbal language.

:D

He's done quite a few movies, dating back to the '70s (I think), but probably his most discussed performance so far was as Mr Brown to Judi Dench's Mrs Brown in the movie Mrs Brown. Haven't seen it, but I heard it was great.

try and rent it, very moving

took my American friends to see the film location when they came to visit me in the UK

BTW now live here in the USA

Surprising when someone sho's so funny proves so adept at dramatic roles - same with Robin Williams, who's one of Billy's buddies.

The Big Yin's in the USA, too, these days - lives in LA! His wife, New Zealand-born Pamela Stephenson (do you remember Not The Nine O'Clock News?....phew...Pamela was the love of my life back then) is a psychology PhD these days.

Yup I used to fancy her too

:D

And that thing that attacked her in the bathtub!

I think it might have been just one season. 1984 or 85 maybe.

Technical stuff that doesn't work the way it's supposed to. Grrrr.

:P

Well, sometimes...but usually if not it's when it matters most.

He is so damn funny and he is a good looking guy.

so when I first saw him with a bald face (on the 1988 or 1989 Whoopi Goldberg HBO special) I was a tad stunned. Maybe it's just that I grew up with that devilish hairy image of him, so I kinda like that he's a bit overgrown again now. :-)

Albeit turning purple not so long ago...

how he described the owners of Pit Bull Terriers.

He's great, I love the story about his family vacation in Mexico.

Yes, some of those players are extremely spectacular in their f***wittiness.

:-)

...or even Scotland (where, as Dubya knows, Scotch people live).

But I've lived in the same figurative neighborhood a couple of times, for sure!

You're right. We don't hear near enough about him here in the States. IIRC, he had a short-lived TV series here a few years ago.

Wonder if he and George Carlin have ever spent time together? Their musings are similar.

Edit: I'm guilty of the wrist pointy thing. LOL! But I only do it in places where it's noisy and I may not be understood.

"Head Of The Class", I believe it was. He took over for Howard Hesseman (Dr. Johnny Fever) as the teacher for a classroom of gifted kids.

I actually thought he was better in the role than Hesseman was.

that followed after he took over Dr Johnny Fever's role in Head of the Class...oh, yeah, Howard Hessemen (forgot his name). I never saw him in either one, but I don't know how well an American sitcom could contain the dude, anyway.

I don't know about him and George Carlin but, yes, they both project a fair bit of anger in their stage performances. The carlinator can be pretty eman-spirited, though, and I think Billy's way more often on target at the funny bone. He also specializes in those long, meandering stories (much ad-libbed totally) that hardly ever finish but tend to be derailed along a series of tangents. He's a great physical comedian, too - the way he moves of looks is, alone, enough to crack a body up. :D

Just make sure not to do that wrist-pointy thing around Billy, or he'll probably drop his trousers (as he is wont to do). :o

or he'll probably drop his trousers (as he is wont to do).

I don't get near enough of that sort of thing around here. :o

Whoopi Goldberg had a special on HBO or Showtime, don't remember which. She gave half of the show to Billy. He was so funny, I nearly shat my pants. My wife (who was my girlfriend at the time) is a former flight attendant, and his bit about airline safety instructions had tears rolling down her face she was laughing so hard. "'In the event of an unexpected landin,' I'm sorry, but you're goin in the groond like a fookin dart."

Couldn't stand Whoopi's portion, though. I don't know if she's always like that, but she was pretty unfunny to my eyes, for the most part. Always fast-forward through it (though my taped copy is really decrepit by now).

That bit about the airline safety briefing and the story of Nigel Carruthers, King of the Skies is my favorite part of the show and one of the most hilarious bits I've seen the dude do. I love it!

C'mon, I see this question asked every second day in the Lounge (even by females!). Billy has the answer.

You have to supply your own Glaswegian accent:




"Give me things.

Do things to me.

Do exotic things and plenty of them.

Tonight, I think I'll have multiple orgasms. Go for it, my boy, plenty of orgasms and I'll tell you when to stop.

We want this...and that.

We demand a share in that...and most of that...some of this...and f***ing all of that.

Less of that...and more of this...and f***ing plenty of this.

And another thing: we want it now.

I want it yesterday, and I want f***ing more tomorrow...and the demands will all be changed then, so f***ing stay awake..."