Bush's ACTUAL summer reading list revealed

The Pig Farm (SNN) - It was all they could do to contain their laughter.

"A book on salt?" asked a White House staffer who chose not to be identified because 'he'd rip my fucking nuts off and feed them to me if he found out it was me.' "Who'd believe Bush would read a fucking book about salt? Look, the only thing that numbskull cares about salt is whether there is any. Trust me, George Bush's summer reading list did not contain any books about salt."

Instead, twelve White House staffers who kicked my door in and held me at gunpoint while they told their strange tale named Bush's "real summer reading list." Said a different staffer, "I didn't even know there were this many books on this topic."

The books, which Bush fucked up and left on his nightstand while he flew to Idaho, included:

* Jeffrey Ian Ross's "Behind Bars: Surviving Prison"
* Clive Sharp's "How to Survive Federal Prison Camp: A Guidebook for Those Caught Up In The System"
* Abdur-Rauf Rashid's "How to Survive and Excel in Prison"
* Michael Jackson's "How to Do Good After Prison: A Handbook for the Committed Man." Said a third staffer, "we checked. This Michael Jackson isn't the singer."
* David Allan Coe's "How to Survive Prison"
* Douglas Hall's "Prison Tattoos"

Staffers were confused. "George seems to be very much fixated on the idea that he's going to jail and we don't blame him one bit; in fact, we've got a pool running on which jail he'll be sent to. We keep telling him, 'Mr. President, you've got more than a year to plan your escape. There are lots of countries that don't have extradition treaties with the United States, you can flee to one of those.' When we do that, he screams 'go fuck yourself' over and over until he passes out from stress. Then we get him his blanky and teddy bear, and he sleeps for a few hours. But when he comes to, he runs right back to his prison books."

We asked Karl Rove about these books. At first he was agitated. "There's no way our Dear Leader would ever read a book about prison!" When informed that the books were filled with notations written in Bush's hand, he looked befuddled. "Actually...he made me read them too."

That's a very pleasant thought actually.

You know, it is nowhere near impossible.

Salt: A World History by Mark Kurlansky is too good a book for his beautiful mind.