Hey...so my sister called me tonight

When she said it was Jen I thought she was someone else...cause you see, I think this may be the first time my sister has ever called me. She was a little taken back when I talked to her as if it were my friend Jen. And I was surprised to hear it was her.
It's not that we, in recent years, have had a bad relationship. It's just that her or my other sister have traditionally given so little thought to the fact I exist. I was home last weekend, and my little sister had her photo album out on the table. I began looking through it. Pics of the family, friends, grad and pets... but there was not one picture of me in there. I almost cried, it was such a kick in the face, all growing up my family treated me like I didn't belong. And I had, in my grown years, added that up to sibling rivalry, a mother who thought her son should be hard and a father always at work. But when I saw I wasn't in there, it all came back... "are they so used to my 'indifference to being treated like this that they think it's okay now?' is what I thought.
I used to just silently beg for some proof they gave a shit when I was a kid. From 18 on I spent most of my time travelling the country and trying to find a place I belonged, though I didn't even get that until I was older.
My parents tried to make ammends long ago, and I've forgiven them. But whenever something like this (sister phoning) happens the surprise takes me by storm and I start thinking about all this old stuff.
But either way, it was nice to hear from my older sister.
I broke down crying twice writing this...but it felt good to get it out. I know I've posted similiar things to this before, but still DU is the only place I can talk about it.
Sorry for getting all emotional and all, but the mood struck me.

you'll accept this :hug:


Your post touched me.

aA

But you know, at this stage, I'm so immune and untrusting of affection that that makes me sad too.

though I really appreciate your post.

Cheers!

My family has a heart of darkness the size of The Grand Canyon; I understand completely.

You do know that this place is part of your family, too, right?

But some of the people on DU that I've met have been so amazing. I wish I knew all of them personally

I think that the interaction here does count for something; there have been some very thoughtful, moving threads/posts here that have made me really appreciate some people that post here in a big way.

There are some amazing people here; that's no doubt.

If you ever get to E-Town we'll go drinking and raise some hell; it'll be a blast:)

I wrote a separatist message on the chalkboard once!

Seeing these guys:

http://www.thewheatpool.com/

A great bunch of guys, and a great band; we're playing them on the station. I love The Black Dog..

:hug:

thanks!

I know. We're your family, too, though, ya know? I have a 34-year-old little brother who's the light of my life; I can't believe there are older sisters who don't feel the same way about their brothers.

I hope you can find a way to stop giving the past such power over your heart. You're a good, good guy.

It's like you constantly wish that with age you'll get over it.

I know one doesn't completely forget that emotional baggage, but in a way, you're still a victim of that childhood if it can affect you so deeply. And, in a way, you're being emotionally manipulated from across a chasm of time; your family doesn't deserve to have that much power over you, my friend.

for some reason my loyalty knows no bounds. I cant' figure out why I am so protective of them, when they aren't the same way. I guess it's just the way I'm wired.
I know people with much better relations with their folsk who are much detached. I guess cause they didn't need to prove anything. I'll tell you this. If I ever have kids, this is never going to happen to them.

then some good will have come from the pain you're feeling now. :hug:

They are just oblivious.

To be more outgoing, as in hugging each other and visiting more often after the loss of a beloved Brother. Perhaps your's will learn from you.

My sister stopped talking with me, communicating in any way, after I made a decision about my life and to not adopt a child that was not ready to be adopted as concurred by the child's therapy team (Long story in itself; she was severely abused among other mistreatments in her life)

Anyway, my sister who had said she would support me no matter what, ditched me after calling me a martyr when I made my decision based on what I knew was in the best interest of the child and also my being brutally honest with myself that this was not going to work for the child or for me...would have been a bad, perhaps disastrous, situation all the way around had I "stuck it out".

I certainly wish my sister well, bear her no ill will, and hope that she, and my niece who I was very close to, are doing OK and are happy.

However, I am grateful for my son, his wife, my toddler granddaughter, and my soon-to-be new grandson.

Am also grateful for the handful of life-long friends I have around the nation, as well as the connection with many of the wonderful people here on DU.

Ya know, HEyHEY, one the best things about DU is here in the Lounge.
xoxoxoxoxox
:hug: :pals: :hug:

Won't talk on phone, did finally answer my emails when I was asking if I could come over to get a few of my things at her place and to bring her her stuff...that's when she called me a martyr, gave me a specific date and one hour time slot that could be done, how to do it, where to leave it on her porch...I knocked on her door. She was on the other side...could hear her trying to keep her dog quiet...she wouldn't answer. All this within the space of a couple of months after I moved from out-of-state to live near her and her family. She then sold on eBay many gifts I had given her over the years...many were specifically "Sister" gifts. Now after almost three years, she has not contacted me, and I know she would never accept my contacting her...she's a grudge holder, even though my life decision was not about her, somehow she saw it that way.

Anyway...there's always the longer version of any story, and I am sorry you have felt forgotten/discarded by your family.

You can be family here xoxox :hug:

It's a terrible feeling to be far away emotionally from those that are supposed to care about you. Especially when it's over something that shouldn't come between you. :hug:

She turned her back on me, wrote me out of her life, refused to have any contact with me, and went so far as to tell others that until I get down on my knees and beg her forgiveness, she will have nothing to do with me...again...she made my life decision and a decision based on child's best interest about her re: adoption, this was a child that at age three I had mentored as an educator, then had taught as a student in my classroom, and finally ended up being the one to save her from a very destructive and self-centered sadistic father who was abusive in more ways than I want to go into here...she was a child I loved, will always love, one I helped as much as I was capable of, and one who was at the time I was looking to adopt her, too fragile yet to not be without 24/7 psych help...

So, although I did try to contact my sister, even knocking on her door, and then lived literally just up the street and around the corner from her for over two years, she continued to ignore me and chose to no longer be my sister.

There is no patching up when it is one-sided.

Same thing happened to me about 2 months ago, but it was my brother who called me.

And as for everything else you wrote, I would sware you yanked a page from one of my journals.

I really have'nt been the same since. Sadder now that he called. :hug: :cry:

Dot hey harbour any feelings they aren't letting out? Or are they completely in the dark.

thanks people

Rest well. Tomorrow's another day.

:)

I spent most of my childhood waiting for someone to put a name to the way my mother treated me.

I spent the better part of my adult life, looking for validation from the same people. (You may recall my post about having to seperate from them, maybe not).

I'm very sorry that talking with your sister brought up tough feelings for you.

Being reminded of the past we chose to walk away from is never easy... Glad you felt safe enough to share with us here.

:hug: