Favourite Curb Your Enthusiasm?

I haven't included Season Four's episodes, because I haven't seen them yet.

"If you're gonna be a maniac, pyro's not a good maniac"

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Larry: I wanna see your ticket.

Man: You wanna see my ticket? Ok... here's my name on the ticket. If it was your ticket it would say "Fucking Douchebag".

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Larry: What's in this latte?

Starbucks employee: Milk and coffee.

Larry: Oh my god. Milk and coffee. I never would have thought of that. That's so brilliant.

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Wanda: Why'd you fire the black man?

Larry: I fired the black man... because... he's the guy who set up the whole system here and it doesn't work! And he's here like... every week, I'm givin' him checks, we've got five remotes, I can't turn it on... but I know, you know, *black* man can *never* do anything *wrong*, at least to get fired from a job! Black people *always* do everything right!

Wanda: (Walks over to TV, pushes button, fixes it) You gotta turn the damn satellite on for the TV to work! See the little green light? Just gotta turn it on! Or you can fire the black man. Whatever works for you.

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Larry: (Larry's house has been spray painted by trick-or-treaters he has offended and he's reporting it to cops) They don't deserve candy and I don't deserve this: "Bald Asshole"? That's a hate crime!

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Larry David: I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla bullshit things. You know, whatever you want, some vanilla bullshit latte cappa thing. Whatever you got.

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Larry David: (to president of ABC) Here's a question for "Who Wants to be a Millionaire"- what kind of an idiot is running ABC?

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Larry notices a picture on his rabbi's desk]
Larry: Is that you?
Rabbi: That's... that's Eddie Solomon. My brother-in-law. He, ummm... he died on September 11th.
Larry: Oh my gosh. Oh, I'm so sorry.
Rabbi: Yeah. Terrible.
Larry: He was in the building?
Rabbi: No, no. He, he was... uptown on 57th Street. He got hit by a bike messenger.
Larry: Uptown?
Rabbi: Yeah, yeah. Bike messenger. Hit 'em.
Larry: (Long pause) What a shame.

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(Cheryl is reading a draft of her renewed wedding vows to Larry)
Cheryl: "We'll love each other throughout this lifetime, but after death through all eternity."
Larry: You mean this is... this is continuing into the afterlife?
Cheryl: Yeah, that's the idea. Do you have a problem with that?
Larry: Well, I... I thought this was over at death. I didn't know we went into eternity together. Isn't that what it said in..."'til death do us part, " I thought it was...
Cheryl: Do you have a problem with eternity?
Larry: Well...
Cheryl: We finally found each other, Larry, and we're celebrating this for all eternity.
Larry: I guess I had a different plan for eternity. I thought... I thought I'd be single again.

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Restaraunt Chef: (Larry hires a chef who swears) Shit face cocksucker motherfucking asshole son of a bitch!
(the restaraunt suddenly turns silent)

Larry David: Scumsucking motherfucking whore!

Jeff Greene: Cock! Cock! Cock! Grandma! Cock!

Michael York: Shit ass motherfuckering asshole and balls!

Richard Lewis: Pussy pigfucker!

Cheryl: God damn you motherfucking bitch!

Susie Greene: Fuck you, you car wash cunt! I HAD A DENTAL APPOINTMENT!

Man: Boobs? Douchebag? French Rimjob?

Man: Boy cock, girl cock, E-I-E-I-O.

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