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A hilarious rant of insults that I found.

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juancarlos Donating Member (199 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-14-03 01:38 PM
Original message
A hilarious rant of insults that I found.
I think the writer the below is angry, what do you think?!
It cracks me up.
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You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Hydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.

I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of whay you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really,stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective...
Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right".Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
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Drifter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-14-03 01:43 PM
Response to Original message
1. I mean, really ...
"I mean, really,stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective..."

This in itself demonstrates the rationality of this person.

It is a hoot though.

Cheers
Drifter
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Zeke Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-14-03 01:45 PM
Response to Reply #1
4. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$
CONTRUBUTE TO THE DU FUND DRIVE! :)
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Uzybone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-14-03 01:44 PM
Response to Original message
2. this has made the cyber rounds
more times than the Pam Anderson video.
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Bunny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-14-03 01:44 PM
Response to Original message
3. That looks EXACTLY like my latest Performance Evaluation
from my boss! :)
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Qutzupalotl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-14-03 01:52 PM
Response to Original message
5. "...but other than that, you're OK."
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Robb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-14-03 02:04 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. "...and I mean this in a GOOD way...."nt
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tarheel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-14-03 02:29 PM
Response to Original message
7. My favorite string of insults
is still the rant by Clark W. Griswald (aka Chevy Chase)in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, when he finds out that his boss eliminated the annual bonuses and replaced them with memberships in the Jelly of the Month Club. And I quote:

"If any of you are looking for a last minute gift idea for me...I have one. I'd like my boss, Frank Shirley, right here, tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber, over there on Melody Lane, with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him..."


(wait for it, wait for it)
(here it comes....)

"What a cheap, lying, no good, four flushing, low life, snake licking, dirt eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood sucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat assed, bug eyed, stiff legged, spider lipped, worm headed, SACK OF MONKEY SHIT HE IS !!!!! HALELUJAH !!!! HOLY SHIT !!!!!"


(endquote)




:D
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Paranoid_Portlander Donating Member (823 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-14-03 04:47 PM
Response to Original message
8. How is it possible to be both puerile and senile?
That is the contradiction in paragraph #9.
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MisterP Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-14-03 04:52 PM
Response to Original message
9. should I be thinking of Tom DeLay?
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