It's already started - Democratic Underground

jiacinto

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Fri Nov-14-03 05:23 PM
Original message

It's already started

These things are happening to you because of poorly conducted research, miss-placed priorities, hasty and sometimes sloppy
decision making.
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So says my older brother and I plan on moving in with him until I figure everything out. I expect to be blamed nonstop for this fiasco.

And another friend got a high paying job offer. I feel like crap again.

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neuvocat

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Fri Nov-14-03 05:29 PM
Response to Original message

1. Try not to stay long if you can help it.

Unfortunately you had a string of bad incidents that forced you to leave. That doesn't happen to everyone but if it were me I'd leave ASAP. Its wrong of your brother to fault you for that.

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Droopy

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Fri Nov-14-03 05:32 PM
Response to Original message

2. It isn't your fault that you got robbed

Do go for that. I guess if he's letting you move in with him you'll have to put up with it. But then again, isn't that what relatives are supposed to do for each other in a time of need? I guess all you can do is say, "ok", until he gets done hounding you about it. But remember your the victim here.

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HEyHEY

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Fri Nov-14-03 05:33 PM
Response to Original message

3. I'm there too

Poor decision making is my reason for being fucked too

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jiacinto

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Fri Nov-14-03 05:40 PM
Response to Reply #3

4. yeah

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GoddessOfGuinness

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Fri Nov-14-03 05:40 PM
Response to Original message

5. Breathe deep,

put your pride in your pocket, and listen to what your brother has to suggest.

If you're quoting him verbatim; it's time to ask him:
1) How do you think I should have researched?
2) How do you think I've misplaced my priorities?
3) Which decisions are you suggesting I made in haste?

Try to view his criticism from an analytical perspective...the way you might read a "how to" manual, regardless of his intent. You have everything to gain by considering his advice. And you may find in living with him that your advice will be just as welcome.

I'm glad you're getting out of that place!

Good luck!

:hug:

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jiacinto

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Fri Nov-14-03 05:47 PM
Response to Reply #5

6. He has been difficult since college

After my mother died I had to live with him. And he just criticized me while refusing to help me financially with book expenses. I get angry when he criticizes me because he has done nothing to help me.

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Shakespeare

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Fri Nov-14-03 06:00 PM
Response to Reply #6

7. Carlos....you just said he let you live with him...

...and you're on your way to stay with him again. How can you say he's done nothing to help you?

Perhaps he hasn't done as much as you'd have liked, but it sounds to me that he's certainly been there for you when you needed him.

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DrWeird

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Fri Nov-14-03 06:02 PM
Response to Reply #6

8. I thought you got along with your brother fine

and it was the sister-in-law that was the problem.

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jiacinto

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Fri Nov-14-03 06:05 PM
Response to Reply #8

10. She is the problem

But he takes her side.

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GoddessOfGuinness

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Fri Nov-14-03 06:04 PM
Response to Reply #6

9. That's why it's important for you to turn

the conversation around...so you can benefit from his understanding of things, and so he can learn that criticism without advice only serves to demoralize and anger.

He probably doesn't realize that he isn't helping you. He may start thinking more about his delivery if you turn his jabs into questions, indicating a respect for his opinion.

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lpbk2713

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Fri Nov-14-03 07:14 PM
Response to Reply #6

12. Unfortunately you hit on it right there.

Some people seem to think a college degree is actually a license to be arrogant, pompous and obnoxious. IOW - to act like a typical Repuke.

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hlthe2b

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Fri Nov-14-03 06:38 PM
Response to Reply #5

11. I agree with Goddess, Carlos...

Realize that your brother may be projecting a bit of his own fears-- that we don't always have control over the impact of our decisions, the best laid plans....etc. He might want to believe that you were rash in your decisions or whatever, in order to reassure himself... It is hard to admit we are all vulnerable...

But, allow him to share his views.... Who knows...he might learn something by doing so as well.

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