FLASH NEWS! Delay, Frist to Wed!

DeLAY, FRIST TO WED
Embattled Republicans Seek Legal Protection as Gay Married Couple

In what some skeptics saw as a calculated move to protect themselves from impending prosecution and ethics probes, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist and former Speaker of the House Tom DeLay announced today that they were engaged to be married.

Holding hands on the steps of the Capitol, Sen. Frist and Rep. DeLay denied that there were any ulterior motives for their stunning decision to wed.

"Let our critics say what they want," Rep. DeLay said. "Bill and I have never been more in love."

But before reporters could question the two smitten lawmakers, Sen. Frist added, "And as a gay married couple, we expect to be protected from harassment by the government, including prosecution for conspiracy and investigation of insider stock sales."

Rep. DeLay, seemingly fighting back tears, concurred: "We refuse to be attacked by those who won't accept our love."

The two men said they would go on a brief honeymoon to Hawaii and then would start working on legislation that would classify them as an endangered species.

As outspoken opponents of gay marriage, the two conservative Republicans' decision to wed surprised many in official Washington.

Even Rep. Barney Frank, an openly gay lawmaker from Massachusetts, said that while he embraced the union between the two men, "I'm still having a hard time getting my brain around it."

"I know politics makes strange bedfellows, but those two are the strangest bedfellows I've ever seen," Rep. Frank said.

Elsewhere, Saddam Hussein's prosecutors said they would seek the harshest sentence possible for the deposed dictator, forcing him to share a prison cell with Army Pfc. Lynndie England.