what's your big relationship wisdom? - Democratic Underground

sundog

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:26 AM
Original message

what's your big relationship wisdom?

not much, but this one thing is clear:

stick with the ones that make you smile
avoid the ones the make you cry

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alarcojon

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:28 AM
Response to Original message

1. Be true to yourself

and always keep the lines of communication open.

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Mutley

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:30 AM
Response to Original message

2. Learn patience.

Lots and lots and lots of patience. Did I say lots? Lots.

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Shell Beau

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:30 AM
Response to Original message

3. Honesty is key to any relationship!

Edited on Thu Oct-13-05 09:30 AM by Shell Beau

B/c without honesty there is no trust.

Also, you have to be willing to compromise!

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Hugin

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:31 AM
Response to Original message

4. Don't...

Just, don't!

:7

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StopTheMorans

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:32 AM
Response to Original message

5. avoid lesions at all costs...

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RetroLounge

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:25 AM
Response to Reply #5

53. OMG did I ever read your post wrong!!!

My mind inserted a 'b' in your second word.

:rofl:

RL

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henslee

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Thu Oct-13-05 12:37 PM
Response to Reply #5

61. Top of my list.

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tjwmason

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:32 AM
Response to Original message

6. Sound advice

Nothing really to offer here - and if there were it probably wouldn't be worth hearing.

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redqueen

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:32 AM
Response to Original message

7. Get it while you can.

Yep. That's my latest motto.

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sundog

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:35 AM
Response to Reply #7

9. yeah, that one too

i like it when janis sings it :D

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redqueen

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:45 AM
Response to Reply #9

21. Exactly.

:pals:

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Misunderestimator

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:32 AM
Response to Original message

8. That was heartbreaking.

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sundog

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:36 AM
Response to Reply #8

10. your sincerity is overwhelming me

really

:eyes:

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Misunderestimator

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:36 AM
Response to Reply #10

11. Your philosophical idealism is overwhelming me.

:eyes:

:rofl:

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sundog

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:37 AM
Response to Reply #11

12. a lot of people tell me that

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ernstbass

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:38 AM
Response to Original message

13. You are NOT going to change the other person

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no name no slogan

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:39 AM
Response to Original message

14. Don't trust whitey

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alarcojon

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:40 AM
Response to Reply #14

16. LOL

:rofl:

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sundog

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:48 AM
Response to Reply #14

27. true

:thumbsup:

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alarcojon

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:39 AM
Response to Original message

15. And in the end

the love you take

is equal to the love

you make

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Dan-W

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:41 AM
Response to Original message

17. Do not date a person at your workplace.

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Omphaloskepsis

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:45 AM
Response to Reply #17

20. OMFG

Ditto to the tenth power...

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Dan-W

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:51 AM
Response to Reply #20

28. My advice from personal experience and,

not being a quick learner... I did it twice!

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XemaSab

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:18 PM
Response to Reply #17

67. Or a housemate...

THAT's a mistake I've made twice, and boy, lemme tell ya....

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catzies

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:01 PM
Response to Reply #17

130. That's a work rule for me more than a relationship one.

Number one rule for me is don't shit where you eat. So it kinda follows. :)

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barb162

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Fri Oct-14-05 12:25 AM
Response to Reply #17

139. Normally true but I know four people who did and they all ended up

Edited on Fri Oct-14-05 12:26 AM by barb162

marrying and having very successful marriages and careers

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Omphaloskepsis

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:43 AM
Response to Original message

18. Don't fall asleep while angry.

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zanne

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:01 AM
Response to Reply #18

30. I don't "get" that.

I've heard plenty of people say "Don't go to bed angry" or "Don't let the sun set on your anger". Why not? What kinds of emotional changes take place while we're sleeping?

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Patiod

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:53 AM
Response to Reply #30

42. It's another way of saying "confront things now - don't fester"

It puts a time limit on an argument - doesn't let the same argument continue over several days.

My SO has woken me up and said "we need to hash this out". The "don't go to bed mad/don't carry the same argument from day to day" has worked for us.

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Omphaloskepsis

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Thu Oct-13-05 05:37 PM
Response to Reply #42

103. And, for me at least..

I would rather have a bunch of small arguments. I just hate the big ones where six months of bottled-up shit comes spewing out.

And I only apply this to people I sleep in the same bed with. Friends can wait a few days while we both calm down.

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Shine

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:44 AM
Response to Original message

19. "Perfection" is a myth. Compassion is key, both for Self and Others

We're all only human and doing the best we can, most of the time.

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Trigger Hippie

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:46 AM
Response to Original message

22. Mine:

Don't have any expectations, either positive or negative. Just let things happen.

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gollygee

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:46 AM
Response to Original message

23. Don't sweat the small stuff

if it isn't a big deal, let it go.

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Rising Phoenix

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:46 AM
Response to Original message

24. always keep your sense of humor

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Heidi

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:47 AM
Response to Original message

25. Practice

love, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity not only toward your loved one, but toward yourself.

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kwassa

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:47 AM
Response to Original message

26. Pick someone you enjoy being with a lot.

not necessarily the one that gives you the initial big thrill. Many are addicted to the beginning great passion, which lessens quite naturally to a more reasonable glow over time.

Also, having a mate you can be best friends with is a wonderful thing.

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redqueen

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:57 AM
Response to Reply #26

29. But what if that passion never goes away?

:shrug:

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alarcojon

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:07 AM
Response to Reply #29

33. Then you're really lucky

and you should count your blessings.

I would phrase it as "the passion evolves over time." It may not be as intense, but it is deeper and longer-lived.

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redqueen

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Thu Oct-13-05 12:32 PM
Response to Reply #33

58. I do

It didn't work out, but the feelings are still there, same as on day 1. One would think they would fade over time...

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Wapsie B

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:20 AM
Response to Reply #29

52. If that's true then don't let that one go.

That's what so many are looking for but never find.

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redqueen

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Thu Oct-13-05 12:31 PM
Response to Reply #52

57. Not planning on it

I tried to though, actually. Heh, didn't work. :)

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alarcojon

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:14 PM
Response to Reply #57

64. I agree with bushwentawol

Hope it works out for you somewhere along the line. That kind of passion is rare and to be cherished.

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redqueen

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:18 PM
Response to Reply #64

68. Thanks

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Wapsie B

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:28 PM
Response to Reply #57

76. Good for you.

That's what I'm looking for, a relationship where the passion doesn't end.

:)

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redqueen

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Thu Oct-13-05 02:37 PM
Response to Reply #76

83. Good luck!

I found this completely by chance, when I wasn't even looking. Figures huh?

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underpants

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:02 AM
Response to Original message

31. See here for the best advice you will EVER get

I am offering this for free.

Okay ladies now let me preface this with: I do NOT in any way mean to suggest subserviance or anything of the sort-it applies to everyone.

Here it is

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Every once in a while when your partner says something (makes a suggestion or a comment) say the following

"Okay"

That's it. It will go a LONG way. Just say "Okay" and let it ride/lie/be.

FREE

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eyesroll

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:02 AM
Response to Original message

32. Understand an accept a few things:

¥ÊStatistically, most relationships end before the death of one of the parties. Yours may or may not be one of them. Know that you will be OK either way. Don't fear the end, or you'll likely either stay together when you shouldn't, or sabotage a good thing.

¥ The more you love someone, the more power you have to hurt him or her. The same is true for that person hurting you. Chances are, you're going to hurt one another more than once because you're both human. Understand that not every hurt is the end of the world, and not every hurt requires a grudge or a breakup. But, also, understand that some hurts, especially intentional ones, can and should be deal-breakers.

¥ÊThat the person's past is their past, and there's nothing you can do about it. You're not going to get rid of a stalker ex or their series of one-night stands or whatever...and especially, you're not going to get rid of their kids. Learn to live with the stuff you don't like, and learn to love the stuff you're not sure about.

¥ÊThat sometimes, the best things in life start from letting go.

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sundog

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:35 AM
Response to Reply #32

34. i like the point you make about relationships ending before death

:party:

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Misunderestimator

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:37 AM
Response to Reply #32

35. I love these fancy symbols... ¥Ê

:D

Actually... I like that last thought. It's a good one.

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sundog

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:43 AM
Response to Reply #35

38. how do you do that?

¥Ê

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eyesroll

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:45 AM
Response to Reply #38

40. Gah. I tried to make bullets and that's how it came out.

:shrug:

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Misunderestimator

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:03 AM
Response to Reply #38

44. Ummmmm..... I dunno

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sundog

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:17 AM
Response to Reply #44

48. ¥Ê¥Ê¥Ê¥Ê¥Ê¥Ê¥Ê¥Ê¥Ê

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Misunderestimator

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:41 AM
Response to Reply #48

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redqueen

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Thu Oct-13-05 12:34 PM
Response to Reply #32

59. Wonderfully put!

:hi:

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toey

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:39 AM
Response to Original message

36. trust no one!

ok so i'm a little bitter, but i've just been dumped by avoidance. i have absolutely no clue what happened. i'm choosing to think he must be gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). it makes me feel better.

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bicentennial_baby

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:41 AM
Response to Original message

37. be open, be honest, be present

be open to the love that you receive, and all that comes with it

be honest always, no matter how much it may hurt someone, deception will hurt more in the long run

be present for every moment, actively loving, listening, and caring

give love, give energy, give support :)

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GOPisEvil

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:45 AM
Response to Original message

39. Never let your left hand know what the right's been up to.

Trust me, the inter-hand jealousy is SO tiresome.

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Nicholas D Wolfwood

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:46 AM
Response to Original message

41. Never move in with someone unless you have a clear exit strategy.

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Hugin

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:56 AM
Response to Reply #41

43. Seconded.

You are a sage.

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La Lioness Priyanka

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:33 PM
Response to Reply #41

77. rofl

:rofl:

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BeTheChange

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Thu Oct-13-05 02:17 PM
Response to Reply #41

82. How about..

Never move in with someone and have an exit strategy..

That's like little mental dating prenups.

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Nicholas D Wolfwood

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Thu Oct-13-05 05:07 PM
Response to Reply #82

96. I think you misunderstand what I mean...

I don't mean have it in mind that you're going to break up. I just mean, and this is from my personal (and current) experience, make sure one of you CAN leave if you do break up. Let me tell you, it's a friggin nightmare being in a lease you can't get out of and having to live with the ex that just broke up with you.

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BeTheChange

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Thu Oct-13-05 05:25 PM
Response to Reply #96

101. No...

Edited on Thu Oct-13-05 06:21 PM by BeTheChange

I get it. I guess Im just hyper sensitive to the exit plans we make in relationships. A good friend is getting married in 2 weeks and she has to sign a prenup. It makes me sad. It makes me sad that she said that she wished she didn't have to sign it but in the world we live in.. sometimes things dont work out.

Phooey.

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Nicholas D Wolfwood

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Thu Oct-13-05 05:45 PM
Response to Reply #101

105. That is really sad.

I more than agree with that. I guess I'm just a little jaded from my current predicament.

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Patiod

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Fri Oct-14-05 08:02 AM
Response to Reply #41

144. My S.O. moved in 13 years ago during an ice storm

and he just sort of never moved out.

So think hard about saying "your street is closed and you can't get home? Well, why don't you stay here for a while?"

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El Fuego

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:09 AM
Response to Original message

45. You shouldn't have to WORK at it.

If you're trying too hard to make it work, something's wrong.

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Cannikin

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:12 AM
Response to Original message

46. If he/she doesnt make you laugh, move on

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tonkatoy57

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:16 AM
Response to Original message

47. Shut up and do what you're told.

Forget about yourself. You don't matter anymore.
You're a insignificant mote of dust.
The only one with legitimate needs is your partner.
Always have clean clothes available for the Mrs.
Dinner is to be served promptly at 6:45PM
When she said she didn't like mayo on her sandwich she meant it.
The house better be clean when she returns from her yoga class.
If the house and the yard both need attention on the same day, do both.
If you can't learn to read her mind it means you're a poor listener.
Enjoy masturbation.

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bicentennial_baby

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:18 AM
Response to Reply #47

49. Um, i'm sorry

if that's your current situation, it doesn't sound like much fun :(

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Courtesy Flush

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Fri Oct-14-05 08:25 AM
Response to Reply #47

147. Man, you're living my life

My wife apparently can't "pick her battles", because everything is a battle. There's no problem so insignificant that she can't make a big stink about it.

One thing I've learned from marriage: I'm a lowly piece of shit who can't do anything right.

I've got to stop taking shit like this. I don't get positive stroke from anyone in my life, and I really need it from her. She knows this. I've told her many times. But all she sees is my failings.

I have a good job. I come straight home every day. I have talents. I help people, even those who wouldn't do shit for me. So why do I have to live under non-stop criticism?

I'd kill myself, but it would just confirm to her that I really am a loser.

My wife goes to yoga classes too. Isn't that supposed to help you be serene?

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Sequoia

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:18 AM
Response to Original message

50. Let not the sun go down on your anger

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XNASA

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:19 AM
Response to Original message

51. "In the end, the love you make, is equal to the love you take."

Edited on Thu Oct-13-05 11:20 AM by XNASA

"THAT'S AWESOME!!!!!!"

Seriously, I find that it's best to find someone who makes you a better person. I had relationships with women who were a lot like me, but that's wasn't such a good thing. Didn't get a lot accomplished that way.

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Withywindle

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:41 AM
Response to Original message

55. "If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with"

And never go to bed with anyone with no sense of humor. Dead giveaway of a lousy lay.

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jpgray

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:44 AM
Response to Original message

56. Partners who are looking for someone to worship are altogether bad news

Edited on Thu Oct-13-05 11:44 AM by jpgray

It's ironic how intrinsically selfish that behavior actually is.

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sundog

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:06 PM
Response to Reply #56

63. i'm sure that happens to you a lot

:eyes:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=4146395&mesg_id=4146538

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redqueen

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:15 PM
Response to Reply #63

65. hahahahahaa

You're cracking me up!

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jpgray

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:19 PM
Response to Reply #63

70. When you don't appreciate their worship, they become childishly vindictive

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sundog

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Thu Oct-13-05 02:02 PM
Response to Reply #70

80. piss off

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henslee

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Thu Oct-13-05 12:36 PM
Response to Original message

60. Hit it and Quit it. Love'em but stay above'em. Why buy the cow...

Show me a hot chick, and I'll show you a guy who's tired of xxxx-ing her. The nuttier the sluttier. Need any more?

Of course I am not serious.

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VelmaD

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Thu Oct-13-05 12:37 PM
Response to Original message

62. If you don't know them well enough to discuss...

birth control and STD prevention...then you don't know them well enough to have sex with them.

And that sick feeling in your stomach, that isn't love, it's the Mexican food you had last night.

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La Lioness Priyanka

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:19 PM
Response to Reply #62

69. very good point about the sex thing

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VelmaD

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:20 PM
Response to Reply #69

71. I can't take credit...

my momma has said that to me all my life. Sometimes she's smarter than I thought when I was a teenager. :)

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La Lioness Priyanka

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:20 PM
Response to Reply #71

72. glad your mom could discuss such things with you

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La Lioness Priyanka

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:17 PM
Response to Original message

66. sometimes it doesnt work....move on before you start being mean

to each other....

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ScreamingMeemie

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:21 PM
Response to Original message

73. Stick with the one who made you smile when you first met, work through

the times when tears abound, laugh at your own faults instead of spending time pointing out theirs...realize that nothing is perfect. In perfection there is imperfection.

MrG has made me laugh, has laughed at me, has laughed with me...

MrG has also made me cry, cried with me, and cried for me...

I wouldn't ever trade him.

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XemaSab

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:23 PM
Response to Original message

74. When you've decided it's over

break up with them... don't let it drag on.

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La Lioness Priyanka

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:24 PM
Response to Reply #74

75. thats really very good advice

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Nicholas D Wolfwood

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:37 PM
Response to Reply #74

78. Best advice on the board.

You're not doing anyone a favor by letting it linger. You're not being nice, you're being spineless.

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AirmensMom

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Thu Oct-13-05 01:37 PM
Response to Original message

79. Great friends make great spouses.

When life sets in after the honeymoon, you still have a great friend. :)

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SOteric

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Thu Oct-13-05 02:11 PM
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81. Paraphrasing Woody Allen: "Never boink anyone nuttier than you are."

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TrogL

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Thu Oct-13-05 02:49 PM
Response to Original message

84. Don't

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youthere

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Thu Oct-13-05 02:57 PM
Response to Original message

85. Forgive as quickly as you want to be forgiven...

and I don't know who said it but I like to keep the following sentiment in mind:

"Always make your words tender and sweet, for someday you will have to eat them" (or something like that).

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xmas74

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Thu Oct-13-05 02:57 PM
Response to Original message

86. I can't stay in a relationship for sh*t.

I'm the wrong one to post advice.

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patcox2

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Thu Oct-13-05 03:30 PM
Response to Original message

87. Have lots and lots of sex. It cures most ills.

But thats assuming your on some solid footing to begin with.

Biggest wisdom I know is that you must know who you are, and you must have enough sense of self that you do not define yourself by the reflection of yourself you see in the eyes of your beloved, before you can ever have a real relationship.

Dating and getting hurt is maybe good for you, part of the process of getting there.

Garrison Keillor said "there are few problems in a marriage that can't be solved by taking your clothes off more often."

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edbermac

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Thu Oct-13-05 03:36 PM
Response to Original message

88. Don't leave the toilet seat up...

:loveya:

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Dan-W

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Thu Oct-13-05 03:45 PM
Response to Reply #88

90. Is it OK if I leave just the cover up? n/t

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July

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:00 PM
Response to Reply #88

120. If you are a man, I'll divorce my husband for you.

Either that, or I'll build that "guy's toilet" for him (separate from my own): three feet wide so there's NO MISSING.

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edbermac

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Fri Oct-14-05 09:47 AM
Response to Reply #120

150. Call your lawyer!!

You wanna drive a woman batshit crazy, leave the seat up!!:rofl:

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MarsThe Cat

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Fri Oct-14-05 08:16 AM
Response to Reply #88

146. the best solution to this issue-

always close the toilet lid completely- that way everyone is responsible for lifting what they need to.

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dr.strangelove

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Thu Oct-13-05 03:36 PM
Response to Original message

89. Fuck it

It works in all sorts of situations.

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Love Bug

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Thu Oct-13-05 03:49 PM
Response to Original message

91. Learn to love yourself first

then you'll be ready to love another.

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SarahB

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Thu Oct-13-05 03:50 PM
Response to Reply #91

94. Excellent advice.

:thumbsup:

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SarahB

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Thu Oct-13-05 03:49 PM
Response to Original message

92. Anything less than what you want is settling. Don't settle.

Good relationships don't require a lot of trying.

Stop trying to make someone else fit what you need. If they have to "change" or "would be great except for...", they aren't right for you.

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Rising Phoenix

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Thu Oct-13-05 05:33 PM
Response to Reply #92

102. great advice

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WeRQ4U

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Thu Oct-13-05 03:50 PM
Response to Original message

93. My father always says........"Two Remotes"

Sounds about right to me.

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barb162

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Fri Oct-14-05 12:27 AM
Response to Reply #93

141. and he should have added: you keep both of them

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Guava Jelly

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Thu Oct-13-05 05:00 PM
Response to Original message

95. have tons of sex with your woman

because if YOU dont someone else will.
Don't get comfortable or things will happen to destroy that comfort.
Don't ever believe that your partner doesnt flirt doesnt wish to have sex with others if they couldnt get caught..because they are as slutty in thier mind as you are.
and NEVER EVER EVER ASSUME..ANYTHING!!!!!

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Rising Phoenix

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Thu Oct-13-05 05:10 PM
Response to Original message

97. Sniffa says his is...

Edited on Thu Oct-13-05 05:15 PM by Mrs. Sniffa

two in the pink, one in the stink...words to live by
his words not mine, I just happened to be logged on

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bicentennial_baby

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Thu Oct-13-05 05:18 PM
Response to Reply #97

99. bwahahahaha

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

it is his way though, is it not? ;)

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redqueen

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Thu Oct-13-05 05:41 PM
Response to Reply #97

104. hahahaha

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JVS

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Fri Oct-14-05 12:12 AM
Response to Reply #97

135. What a SHOCKER!!!!!1111!!! This is HUGH!!!!!!!!111!!!!

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Left Is Write

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Thu Oct-13-05 05:10 PM
Response to Original message

98. It is not necessary to be right ALL the time.

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Commie Pinko Dirtbag

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Thu Oct-13-05 05:23 PM
Response to Original message

100. Take her to the Eiffel Tower. (nt)

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southlandshari

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Thu Oct-13-05 05:46 PM
Response to Original message

106. You're asking me?

:spray:

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sundog

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Thu Oct-13-05 06:26 PM
Response to Reply #106

108. yes, it is you i am asking

tell me o swami shari

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southlandshari

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:48 PM
Response to Reply #108

132. You have wonderful advice

from wonderful people here.

:D

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sundog

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Fri Oct-14-05 08:15 AM
Response to Reply #132

145. but i want YOUR advice shari

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Deja Q

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Thu Oct-13-05 06:03 PM
Response to Original message

107. Don't bother. Being yourself is a reminder.

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Dangerously Amused

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Thu Oct-13-05 06:45 PM
Response to Original message

109. ...

Sometimes the only way to hang on is to let go.

Also,

Most people would rather be right than be happy.

(I can't take credit for the second one. I tried to look the author up to properly credit it, but there are differences of opinion as to who said it first. Anyway, it wasn't me.)

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sweetheart

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Thu Oct-13-05 06:49 PM
Response to Original message

110. Total love can heal all wounds

People want to be loved, so love them, hold them dear that they are the
most important in the universe, and no darkness enters the heart of
the relationship, because true love banishes it.

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Dangerously Amused

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Thu Oct-13-05 07:21 PM
Response to Original message

111. Oh. One more. For guys.

Ancient wisdom for guys who bitch because their women lose interest in sex:

Women take longer to reach the Big O than men do. So if you always make sure sure that the woman is satisfied first, you will ALWAYS have a willing partner!

NEVER fails!

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GOPisEvil

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Thu Oct-13-05 07:23 PM
Response to Reply #111

112. A very nice woman taught me that lesson.

Oh the fun we had while class was in session. :D

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Dangerously Amused

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Thu Oct-13-05 08:49 PM
Response to Reply #112

117. : )

A very nice guy taught ME that lesson! Now I am spoiled and won't settle for less. Then again, it's a win-win situation!

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GOPisEvil

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:25 PM
Response to Reply #117

122. You shouldn't settle for less!

You deserve no less than the best. :)

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Dangerously Amused

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:53 PM
Response to Reply #122

123. Shameless flatterer!

Ah, flattery will get you everywhere!!

Why can't more guys be like you?

Heck, why can't ALL guys be like you? :7

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GOPisEvil

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:54 PM
Response to Reply #123

124. If all guys were like me, I wouldn't be special.

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Dangerously Amused

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:56 PM
Response to Reply #124

125. ...

Nah, you'd still be special. 'Cuz you're the ORIGINAL! : )

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GOPisEvil

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:59 PM
Response to Reply #125

128. Hehehehe...

...who's the flatterer now? :)

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hippywife

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Thu Oct-13-05 07:33 PM
Response to Original message

113. A coupla things...

First, pick your battles. If something irks you, decide how big a deal it really is and either let it go or deal with it.

Second, consider the other person's needs, sometimes above your own. This really only works if you are in a relationship with someone who does the same or you burn out.

Lastly, tell each other often how much you love each other.

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WCGreen

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Thu Oct-13-05 07:37 PM
Response to Original message

114. Separate blankets and separate Sheets...

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philosophie_en_rose

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Thu Oct-13-05 07:42 PM
Response to Original message

115. Two halves don't make a whole.

A relationship requires two whole people, not half-people looking for someone to fill a void.

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khashka

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Thu Oct-13-05 07:43 PM
Response to Original message

116. Don't take your SO for granted

You can never let then know too often how much you appreciate them.

corollary: if your SO doesn't appreciate you, find someone who does - life's too short.

Khash.

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distantearlywarning

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Thu Oct-13-05 08:53 PM
Response to Original message

118. Opposites may attract, but birds of a feather make a happy marriage

Edited on Thu Oct-13-05 09:00 PM by distantearlywarning

Or in other words, find someone you have some REAL things in common with. And I don't mean you both have the same favorite color or song or something.

Almost every unhappy couple I know is unhappy because one of them likes to do something like shop or work on cars or do martial arts or whatever and the other person hates it and thinks its boring and stupid. Then they fight all the time and both of them are constantly stressed out.

All the happy couples I know are the ones where both people are into the same kinds of things and do many of them together.

It's also important to have your own activities too - just make sure that your potential mate likes to do at least a couple of the same things you do.

Of course, this means that you have to know what you like out of life before you get with someone else. Or as other posters have said: get to know yourself before you get to know anyone else. It's shocking how many people don't get this one.

ON EDIT: I would also give the advice to always criticize the behavior, not the person. Even if you are really, really mad, don't take anything to a personal level. Anger is ok, but no contempt, no name-calling, no meanness, no saying "you are always....". That kind of shit permanently damages relationships, because even after you make up over whatever stupid thing you were fighting about, the mean stuff you said about your partner will keep replaying in their mind and it will come up over and over again in resentment while you are arguing in the future. Not a good thing.

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July

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Thu Oct-13-05 08:54 PM
Response to Original message

119. No-one can make all things right for you.

That's your job.

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Tallison

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:10 PM
Response to Original message

121. It's better to be alone than to wish you were. n/t

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Ladyhawk

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:56 PM
Response to Original message

126. That I have no relationship wisdom.

I am the first to admit it. I'm an utter failure at interpersonal relationships.

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sendero

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Thu Oct-13-05 09:56 PM
Response to Original message

127. Find the right person....

.... and bliss is yours :)

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catzies

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:00 PM
Response to Original message

129. The 90/10 rule. If you're happy with 90% of somebody, find a way to put

up with the other 10%. Preferably with someone who can do the same with you. :loveya:

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suzbaby

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Thu Oct-13-05 10:03 PM
Response to Original message

131. Say, "Thank you."

Never stop doing it. Every time I see my husband doing the dishes, laundry, or any nice little thing, I try to always say, "thank you." He generally does the same thing. It's so simple but so essential. It just lets the other person know that you noticed their effort and appreciate it.

I especially find it easier to do chores when I here my husband say "thank you."

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JackDragna

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Thu Oct-13-05 11:58 PM
Response to Original message

133. Americans are dysfunctional lunatics.

Don't get involved in a serious relationship. Feign enough interest in someone to get regular sex, then dump the person once you get old enough that your libido wanes. There's a reason why over 50% of marriages end in divorce: long-term relationships among humans are a bad idea. Every person you see who is "happy" right now in a relationship is a few years away, minimum, from a train wreck.

Learn to appreciate yourself. YOU are the most important person in the world. Your needs are paramount. Other people are secondary. This does not mean you should not be kind, considerate or charitable to others, but being in a relationship with another person requires a sacrifice of the self that is ethically reprehensible. No person has the right to demand your energy, your consideration and your time in such a manner.

In short: have sex and to hell with caring.

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Wapsie B

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Fri Oct-14-05 12:10 AM
Response to Reply #133

134. Some may find that cynical as hell but I agree with you.

Don't nobody ask me about love 'cause I ain't never found it. You've got to take care of you before you can begin to help others. I wouldn't say to hell with caring totally but I've not been in a relationship that didn't drain me totally.

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bridgit

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Fri Oct-14-05 12:16 AM
Response to Original message

136. while in bed, don't cut wet farts onto the thigh of your dearest lover...

without so much as a handy paper towel to make it all right again...unless of course that is their 'thing' :rofl:

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sundog

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Fri Oct-14-05 09:23 AM
Response to Reply #136

149. ...

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Ellen Forradalom

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Fri Oct-14-05 12:17 AM
Response to Original message

137. What if they don't make you cry or smile?

What if you just can't stand them any more?

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FuzzySlippers

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Fri Oct-14-05 12:23 AM
Response to Original message

138. If you're a woman, never fall for a gay guy.

He'll just break your heart.

:cry:

:P

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bridgit

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Fri Oct-14-05 12:26 AM
Response to Reply #138

140. also good advise...

:thumbsup:

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unsavedtrash

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Fri Oct-14-05 12:31 AM
Response to Original message

142. remember monogamy is not for everyone

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BJW

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Fri Oct-14-05 12:45 AM
Response to Original message

143. Deal With Reality--Don't Play the Slots

If you are in a relationship with a person who "on the inside" really is "nice" but on the outside isn't really all that nice--THE TRUTH IS THAT THIS PERSON IS NOT NICE!

Don't waste your time trying being patient, kind or accepting of this person's "not niceness" hoping that the "inner" nice guy will make more appearances if you act or don't act a certain way, or fool yourself into believing that you and he have a specialness because only you can see the real "nice" "vulnerable" "sweet" person inside.

This is exactly what manipulative abusers do to suck you in to a toxic relationship. I've heard it described as "playing the slots." At first, an abuser is "really nice" and then they're "not nice". To get back "nice" you keep investing and investing, hoping to get a big payoff of "niceness", and every once in a while you may get a small "win" but in the long run, you just get taken for all you've got.

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AlabamaYankee

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Fri Oct-14-05 09:14 AM
Response to Original message

148. For husbands, two words

"Yes Dear"

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