Are some people simply destined to be single?

You know; no partner or life-companion?

I reckon I'm one of them.

just a damn pity you don't lean that way.

I suspect that I'm one too, b.t.w., there are certain places within me that nobody can enter - and I am pure hell to live with too.

I'm just irredeemably a ladies' man. :pals:

I remember the forbidden places I kept hidden and it was a remarkable surprise to me to let someone in.

I am a seriously nasty person for much of the time - I think that any real relationship would consist of a long string of arguments, with very short periods of calm between them.

I think if you really want a partner, you'll eventually make it happen.

:eyes:

but I will probably get in trouble for saying so. Will it help if my main feminist Vida Dutton Scudder agrees with me?

"Until I was thirty, I wanted terribly to fall in love. I didn't care so much about being loved; almost any woman can manage that if she cares to try. But I was eager for the experience, without which, all literature assured me, life missed its consummation. Once or twice I tried to compass it, but I couldn't."

Of course, she also said; "And I confess that married life looks to me often as I watch it terribly impoverished, for women." "On Journey" 1938 pp 212-213

I have found, for myself, that it is very easy to fall in love, but that being loved in return, has been mission impossible. Maybe I am just not loveable.

Some guys just have girl after girl after girl. Just like some girls have guy after guy after guy. But there are certainly girls who never get a guy - but us guys don't notice them. I dare say that's what their problem is.

"But there are certainly girls who never get a guy - but us guys don't notice them."

I'm tired of love being a competition for one's affection.

... and those of us who don't are left watching the good men slowly die from the rejection, knowing what we could offer them and aware that they will never let us.

:hi:

That stuff usually passes by the time you hit thirty or so....

I know a lot of very happy couples that met in their thirties or even forties....

And a lot of people much older who find happiness when they thought there was none left for them.....

Gimme a frickin' break... I guess I must seem pathetic or broken to her, huh?

and her mother never remarried. She did say "almost" and "if she cares to try". Then again, the beautiful woman that I spent the Christmas party dancing with was complaining about not being able to find a man. Yet the first time I met her, my boss was trying to flirt with her. I know she has had her chances, but is looking, not just for a man, but for a very good man. Until then, she was stuck dancing with me.
If you have not had your chances, then I must admit I am puzzled.

Wynonna Judd, Kaw-liga, and Karen Carpenter

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Born-To-Be-Blue-lyrics-The-Judds/8EDCA8ACE3B4272348256A8E0010C164

Maybe I'm wrong
Maybe I'm right
Maybe I just don't know
Will I ever fall in love
And never have to worry
That I'm fallin' all alone?
Maybe it's true
I was just born to be blue
Maybe it's true
I was just born to be blue

They say everybody's got a someone
A sweet somebody to love
It might be fate or destiny
May be written in the stars above
But I can't help but wonder
After all that I've been through
Maybe my baby's nowhere to be found
And I was just born to be blue

Was I born to be unhappy?
Just to live on heartache street
Was I born to go to bed each night
And cry myself to sleep?
Can somebody out there help me?
Give me some kind of clue
Tell me I'm wrong, tell me I'm right
But, don't tell me I was born to be blue

They say nobody dies from a heartache
You can't drown in your own tears
But who wants to live in this world alone
Where minutes turn into years?
So I'd rather go down believin'
Suffer a heartache or two
Tell me I'm wrong, tell me I'm right
But, don't tell me I was born to be blue

Was I born to be blue?
Born just to cry?
Born to be alone 'til the day I die?

Somebody tell me

Was I born to be loved?
Born to be kissed?
Born to find the one to show me what I missed?

Was I born to be blue?
Born just to cry?
Born to be alone 'til the day I die?

Tell me, Mama

Was I born to be loved?
Born to be kissed?
Born to find the one to show me what I missed?


http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/KAW-LIGA-lyrics-Hank-Williams/CF1450F198D872F248256981000C7F42

KAW- LIGA, was a wooden Indian standing by the door
He fell in love with an Indian maid over in the antique store
KAW-LIGA - A, just stood there and never let it show
So she could never answer "YES" or "NO".

He always wore his Sunday feathers and held a tomahawk
The maiden wore her beads and braids and hoped someday he'd talk
KAW-LIGA - A, too stubborn to ever show a sign
Because his heart was made of knotty pine.

CHORUS
Poor ol' KAW-LIGA, he never got a kiss
Poor ol' KAW-LIGA, he don't know what he missed
Is it any wonder that his face is red
KAW-LIGA, that poor ol' wooden head. ...

KAW-LIGA, was a lonely Indian never went nowhere
His heart was set on the Indian maiden with the coal black hair
KAW-LIGA - A, just stood there and never let it show
So she could never answer "YES" or "NO".

Then one day a wealthy customer bought the Indian maid
And took her, oh, so far away, but ol' KAW-LIGA stayed
KAW-LIGA - A, just stands there as lonely as can be
And wishes he was still an old pine tree.

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Goodbye-To-Love-lyrics-Carpenters/3E57C9D2868E102E48256872002EE6B4

I'll say goodbye to love

No one ever cared if I should live or die

Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by

And all I know of love is how to live without it

I just can't seem to find it



So I've made my mind up

I must live my life alone

And though it's not the easy way

I guess I've always know



I'd say goodbye to love

There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine

Surely time will lose these bitter memories

And I'll find that there is someone to believe in

And to live for something I could live for



All the years of useless search

Have finally reached an end

Loneliness and empty days will be my only friend

From this day love is forgotten

I'll go on as best I can



What lies in the future is a mystery to us all

No one can predict the wheel of fortune as it falls

There may come a time when I will see that I've been wrong

But for now this is my song



And it's goodbye to love

I'll say goodbye to love

either its personality or bad luck or choice...but some people will end up single...

One of my friends got married for the first time at the age of 42. :shrug:

I don't believe that everyone who wants to be with someone necessarily finds that person. After almost 8 years since my divorce, with very little luck in love, I've stopped wishing for it. It still could happen, but when I think of future plans, I think about what *I* will do. I don't think about having children or being married anymore. It's actually kind of freeing when you accept it. I don't hear the proverbial clock ticking anymore, because I have other plans.

Whatever happens, happens. I'm taking care of myself, and if I happen to meet someone along the way, fine. If not, I'm not any less complete.

But society tends to think there must be something wrong with you to think this way. Everything is so couples oriented.

At my own birthday dinner, my friend and her new boyfriend sat there talking across me to my other friend and her new husband, talking about planning a couple vacation. It kinda pissed me off. I said, "Oh, I see. I'm not worthy to join you since I'm just a single person." :eyes:

I go on vacation by myself twice a year because my friends have families or boyfriends they go with, and I bet I have more fun than they do! Hmmph! :P

Of course I'll be visiting friends, but the trip is solo. To heck with 'em. Thankfully, my friends try to be inclusive. Try. ;)

But I am meeting a couple there who I met on my first ever solo vacation about 5 years ago. Thay are a BLAST to hang out with, so I am really looking forward to it:-)

I'm driving out to Southern CA. I need a good road trip to clear the ol' head.

Aren't both you AND Lisa0825 from Texas?

I'm just sayin' :evilgrin:

She was very independent and loved being single. That's what makes it nice, I guess. I mean, there's no reason to put your life on hold while you wait for someone else to come along. The thing that was sort of ironic about my friend was that she always wanted children ... and then she became a stepmom and she's not liking that at all!

I've noticed that whenever I went looking for love, I could never find it. Maybe it was because I was trying too hard and gave off the wrong vibes, but whenever I tried to find it, I never did.

Once I quit trying, it just sort of happened. This has been the case with every serious relationship I've ever had. My first long-term relationship, my first marriage, my current situation.

Weird, huh?

How do you stop trying? Do you just stop thinking about relationships and women? I envy you.

I guess I just stopped "looking", really. I went out dates, but I went in with no presumptions of a future (or even "romance" for that matter).

It also made it easier to ask women out, too, because I didn't focus on anything but the first date. I focused on having a good time first, being friends second, and any kind of romantic attraction third. I had several very nice dates with very interesting women, although there were no sparks.

In the past, I've had a tendency to fall in love too easily, probably due to my own low self-esteem. It always felt that I was incomplete without a partner. This led to a lot of co-dependent relationships, too, which aren't good for either person.

If the last six months have taught me anything it's that I can survive just fine all on my own, and that I don't "need" anybody. Interestingly enough, I think a lot of potential mates find that very attractive and are drawn to that, IMHO.

I don't know if any of this makes sense-- but I hope it's helpful. :)

"In the past, I've had a tendency to fall in love too easily, probably due to my own low self-esteem. It always felt that I was incomplete without a partner. This led to a lot of co-dependent relationships, too, which aren't good for either person."

Boy that fits me so well. Falling in love with anyone who came along because I didn't think there'd be anyone else.

Thanks. :)

For a time I felt like I wanted to jump back into another relationship. But eventually, I started to love being single, and then I didn't even want a relationship because it seemed like something that would drag me down.

Now I'm in a relationship again, but it's seems like I was only able to have a relationship after I decided I could live without one.

why do some people seem to have such a wide variety of available partners and with others it's like once in a blue moon that they even meet a possible mate?

Every single guy my best friend has dated has fallen in love with her. She has had one long term relationship after another since college, and just married a wonderful guy.

I have had one relationship in the last 8 years. I've had plenty of fun in-between, but it would be nice to have someone. I just haven't met the right person at the right time, and I don't believe it's guaranteed that I will. That's not a tragedy, just a different path in life than I thought I'd be taking.

even here there are lots of great people here who don't have a SO and no one asking them. Then there are others who are experts at the art of seduction and have people flocking to them. It's the same thing IRL as you described with your best friend.

I'd just like to know what makes these people supposedly more desirable than others?

I mean, if I just wanted to have a fling, that's easy, and I have some fantastic friends who have loved me for years, so I know I am not "unloveable." I'm a good person, but just not what anyone I've met is looking for, I guess.

when that's available. But meeting someone that really interests me to even approach about a relationship is so few and far between. And with those I may find there's still a competition of sorts going on. It's not like I'm the only one they're interested in.

There's a quality about them that makes them seem like a light in a dark room.

I think it's that they're confident they can seduce (almost) anyone they want. For some reason that seems to attract the majority.

That's the best answer I've seen here.

Welcome to DU!

It is not that I have given up exactly- I have other things going on that demand more attention than finding a mate.

The problem I find is that I get so darn lonely sometimes. It would be so nice just to be touched on occasion. I feel starved for affection really more than anything. On the other hand, sometimes I can't stand the idea of being around another person all the time.

I'm not even sure I want a life-partner. A few really good friends and a few NSA sexual relationships seems preferable to me.

On the other hand, having that one person is very tempting. So, tonight for the first time since I broke up with the ratfuck bastard I'm going out on an actual date...

Khash.

hope the date works out well

:hug:

And you know how much I mean that.......because I really do......



:loveya: :loveya: :hug: :hug:

:hug: :pals:

I'm going out myself...

If nothing else, I'll just get that new issue of Playgirl. :spray:

Maybe I'll do the same someday.

I really don't know what the hell I want. :shrug:

After watching most other relationships--and experiencing a few disasters myself--I've come to not really believe in romantic love. It's a trick to get us to propogate the species.

some people choose a single life, some people inadvertantly choose it by only wanting what they can't get, and some people, unfortunatly, have bad luck and get stuck. But I don't think it is destiny.

sometimes chance treats you well, other times it does not

I have friends that are just plain strange. No one would have them.

by a car or something. Then you're SOL because your soulmate croaked. :evilgrin:

Steppes......and i'm not going there anytime soon.

Go find her!

I've been a loner all my life, so....

:hi:

after multiple attempts to be partnered?

need to see if there's a pattern in who they've been with and try to find another type of person.

I think it's more a matter of finding someone who can tolerate you. I'm fucked up as hell, but I found someone who tolerates me. And somehow I tolerate him. Barely. But still...

I don't think it's about destiny.

I kicked my partner out two days ago after nine years of being together.

I just got fed up with the utter bullshit.

I'm thinking of you. Sorry about the bad times.

I hope it's for the best. :hug:

I think I'm one of those too...

I came real close to being single..
trust me it sux asss

:P

I have been paired off, and I like being paired, but I'm not what most men my age are looking for (a housekeeper with benefits). I'm past having children, and I don't need a breadwinner, so I'm completely unimpressed with men who seem to think that owning a house and having a job are all they need to attract women.

I long for a real emotional, intellectual, and physical companion, but honestly, I'd rather be alone that put up with some guy who can't carry on a conversation without referring to network TV or pro sports.

Unfortunately, all the attractive offers I've gotten recently have been from men who already had wives or girlfriends. :grr:

I'm not sure I would use the word "destined" to describe it, but not everyone will get married. I just wish there wasn't the stereotyping of single people as having something "wrong" w/them if they don't get married.

I was married for 9 years and after my divorce decided that marriage or any permanent relationship was not for me.

but I think it's less a matter of destiny than of parenting - bad role models who gave me a bunch of dumb ideas that I didn't get rid of until I was in my forties and all set in my ways and comfortable being single. It also helps, I think, that I managed to reproduce in my twenties. Still, I can't say I don't harbor some Gloria Steinem fantasy of finding my life partner in my sixties. And hopefully she's still with that guy, or that'll be a stupid statement.