The Banana: Natures perfect food.

The Banana: Natures perfect food.

We all know that sex is as pleasurable as it is functional. Our species wants to live on, and procreation (through the act of sex) accomplishes that goal. But as we also all know, sex feels good--and we do it more often for pleasure than for procreation. And while it takes two to tango, it only takes one to feel good sexually. Of course, it's not nearly as fun going solo, but it certainly does do the trick.

Modern technology and advances in the manufacture of synthetics and small battery operated vibrating devices have given women in need of "something special" all sorts of wonderful sex toys to do the job when no man is available. Ask any woman over the age of 30 (who isn't shy or a prude) and you'll hear a testament to the merits of dildos and vibrators.

But the technology that has given women these toys of pleasure has not always existed. What did women do before the advent of these modern sexual conveniences? What did Eve, Ruth, Ester, and all their biblical sisters do back then?

God gave women sex organs through which sexual pleasure may be derived. If we were designed, as Christians argue, then god certainly wanted women to have pleasure because he gave them all the parts that provide it. And as god is all-knowing, he certainly knew long before each one of us were even born, that there would often be times throughout our lives where those strong sexual urges would drive us mad because we had no available partner to take care of business.

So being the all-knowing, all-powerful, kind, and loving god that our designer and creator is, he gave women the banana. And anyone with only an ounce of common sense and even the most clouded power of perception can see the brilliance of god's perfect design of the banana.

The banana...

1. is perfectly shaped to fit the human hand.
2.has a point at its top for ease of entry.
3.is curved towards the vagina to make the penetration process easy.
4.has a tab at the bottom to hold and control the motion of the banana when completely inserted.
5.just like the human penis, it is perfectly shaped for the human vagina.
6.if held so that its curve is pointed upward after insertion, it hits the G-Spot perfectly!
7.has a soft wrapper so that the delicate lining of the vagina isn't scraped.
8.has a non-slip surface so that you won't lose control of the device while enjoying the ride. (Women, how much do you like it when your man's penis keeps slipping out?)
9.has outward indicators of inward content. Green bananas are the hardest, which women seem to prefer, and are required to attain the best penetration. Yellow lets you know that it's getting softer and may not be useful for much longer. Black lets you know that it's a far too late to be put in your vagina. (How many women want a limp, mushy penis anyway?) Keep in mind that these color codes also indicate if the banana is suitable for eating. Just like a vigorous weight training workout, overuse of the banana for sexual gratification will deplete the body of energy, as well as cause muscle cramps. Ever get a leg (or other body part) cramp during or after sex? You sweat, lose body fluids, and get dehydrated. Ask anyone with knowledge of human physiology and nutrition and you'll learn quickly that the banana is the perfect recovery food!
10.has a protective covering to prevent vaginal matter (or fecal matter, in the case of god's homosexual children) from spoiling the fruit inside.
11.has a tab at the bottom to facilitate removal of its wrapper.
12.is perforated on its wrapper for easy peeling.
13.has a bio-degradable wrapper for post-coital disposal.
14.is pleasing to taste buds as well as the vagina.
15.has a high potassium content, which quickly alleviates muscle cramps.
16.has a high caloric and carbohydrate content to refuel the body after sexual exertion.

To say that the banana's perfect design for sexual gratification just happened by accident is even more unintelligent than to say that no one designed the Coca Cola can.