My mom needs to grow up...

She won't answer her phone because last night she heard me tell one of my friends I loved her. She first asked if I were gay. She's always asking me this because she doesn't think girls should tell each other that. Then she asked me why I couldn't tell her I loved her, but I could tell some "flippy little girl" I hadn't known for very long that I loved her. I said, "It doesn't mean I don't love you. There are just some unresolved issues that you won't talk to me about and they make it hard to say that." And she said that shouldn't matter. That it didn't make a damn. NOw, she won't answer her phone at work. I even said I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. I've called all day. I even had my aunt go check on her. Thoughts of her lying dead in the house or having hurt herself flashed in my mind. I don't want these things to happen to her, but I'm so sick of these emotional games she keeps playing. Thanks for letting me vent.
Duckie

Mine didn't get out very much.

At a guess, she sounds pretty emotionally needy. Has she done stuff like this in the past? For some reason, the notion of Borderline Personality Disorder keeps rising in my imagination.

And she never gets out of Kingfisher much. She goes to work and home, and to the occasional garage sale...Nothing else. Three weeks ago, we got her to go to OKC--an hour away. I nearly peed my pants. Anyway, she doesn't believe in psychology, so getting her to go to a psychologist would be impossible. She has serious problems. I can't wait to graduate college and then just disappear. God, I hate to do that, but this is emotionally draining. And she has done stuff like this in the past. Of course, after my older sister died three years ago, she actually said these words: "Why did it have to be Bobbi, and not you?"
Duckie

I'm struggling with that myself. But I don't feel guilty, just puzzled and a little sad. It's water under the bridge.

But I really love my kids, and try not to pull that manipulative/cold/judgemental stuff on them. And, for the most part, they talk to me. It's good. Big :hug:

She DO need to grow up

Some stuff I was accused of over the years by my mom

Smoking
Doing drugs
Being Lesbian

will probably not be a lie (even imperfect mothers have done something good for a child once in a while) and you can show your good heart and feel good about yourself.

but that I just had a hard time telling her. If one of your kids told you that, wouldn't you work harder to make sure they knew you loved them, rather than showing them how immature and petty you were, pushing them further away?
Duckie

... and it'll make her feel better.

someday when she's dead and gone, and you have your own children, and realize how much work they require - you'll be glad you did.

sounds as if Duckie's mother is engaging in emotional terrorism. I don't believe in making deals with people who are trying to take hostages.

I live a kind of life most mothers would love for their daughters to live (serious "good girl" to the point of nausea most of the time) and STILL she hates me and is bitter. She actually said to my husband that I don't deserve to have all the blessings I've had in life because deep down I'm an evil person. How's that for f*cked? And she wonders why I don't invite her over for Thanksgiving dinner anymore.

Is your mom mentally ill? or just consumed with jealousy?

How sad that she can't be happy for you and your happy situation.

Probably a little mentally ill. The thing is that the happy situation is one of my life's greatest illusions anyway (sure there are many good things, my children are incredible little people), but if she knew how things really were, well, it would be my fault anyway, so what can a person do? You can't pick your relatives.

My best friend and I both have mothers like that. I don't wish it on anyone. I've spent my entire life envying the relationships my friends had with their mothers.
Duckie

And most people just don't get it, but there's some moms that can't be pleased. Thankfully, I'm not one of them. If my children all grow up to be ditchdiggers or even Republicans, I would love them with all my heart. That's how it should be.