I have a teenager that came home the other weekend stoned

I have said my speech, but what would you say?

what if they find a few seeds in the ashtray,,,,,,,,,,,,,

etc.

a teenager that just got his license.

or you'll restrict his driving privileges.

I'm pretty sure my mother knows I smoke pot. We've talked about it, I think you need to tell him that smoking too much WILL hurt him. Educate him on it and make sure that he understands what can happen.

...you're helping terrorists?

...marijuana today is much stronger and more addictive than it used to be?

...your "brain on drugs" is like fried eggs?

(Needless to say, none of the above is true.)

when my kids started experimenting, I sat them down & owned up 2 my drug experiences. I wasn't going 2 lie or get all hypocritical 'n tell them not 2 do it. (Any kid worth her/his salt would go straight out the door 'n try it.) I didn't romanticize it but I also had never done much beyond LSD. (ok we had some opium laced Thai stick ONCE back in '70) I told them the one absolute they had 2 remember was it was/is illegal. They made it through w/ minimal brain cell damage. They're 32 & 27 now.

There's a big difference between thirteen and seventeen, physically and psychologically. I know what I'd say to the seventeen year old, but I couldn't tell you what to say to a younger teen, that's a tough one.

buy it for them and say to smoke it at home.
If you don't then they will do it anyway somewhere else and might get hurt in an accident.

but warn that if it begins to interfere with any part of his life

or he gets in trouble for being DUI, he's on his own.

Frankly I don't think pot is the worst thing in the world nor is alcohol but you are in your teens and your nerve tissue is just maturing (the myelinizing process completes in teen years. You have an education to complete and you have some important decisions coming up on you in terms of what you are going to do with your life.

I request that you NOT get stoned and that you look at your friends who DO get stoned frequently and ask yourself what you admire about them..then ask yourself is it is real and if it is really admirable.

I can't watch you or MAKE you do the right thing, but if you do do ANYTHING..I absolutely DON'T want you to drive...either take a cab ( and we will keep a fund here at the house to take care of cab fare in the event you should need it) or CALL me to pick you up.

Keepig it nonjudgemental but firm will open up more communication.

He never lectured me about not doing drugs just told me I was going to get alot of peer pressure and that he wouldn't be around there to give me guidance when it happened. But said I should think and do things for myself and he hoped that I wouldn't do it.

Of course when he was dying of lung cancer (smoking-related) he asked me not to take up smoking since he didn't want me to end up like him. Although I had tried a cigerette once (hated it), after that I refused to smoke anything including pot.

We can't stop our kids from trying drugs & alcohol but we can let them know that if they we are there for them. My nephews are all reaching their teen years (and my best friend's daughter) and they all know if they have problems with drugs/alcohol that they can call and talk to me about it. I also gave them the same advice my father gave me.

my dad just beat me with a cane when I came home stoned.

The media wants you to tell them that "Drugs are bad, mmmmkay?" but you know what? not all drugs ARE bad and most are pretty pleasant when used properly and in moderation. One of the biggest probl;ems is that certain ones dont cotton to being used sparingly. (Free base Cocaine, for example) Telling a kid, for instance that "Heroin is addictive" doesnt tell the whole story. If you do Heroin once or twice you are not, i repeat NOT going to become addicted to it. Moderation is the key. Now, having said all that, would i want my teenagers getting high? No. Of course not and for this reason: I did when i was one and it basically removed my ambition. I would rather get high than study. If i had not gotten high, i would have become the Aerospace Engineer or the Pilot i have the aptitude for. Instead, i am a truck driver, intellectually under utilized and unstimulated, and it took me 10 years after high school to realize the mistake i made. Be straight with them. Dont lie. Get REAL facts, not propaganda. And then make sure they understand that they need their wits about them if they are to succeed in this country and that we live in a culture that will punish them severly and screw their lives up if they are caught.

but I'd like to know: what would you tell someone in that same position whose drug use was caused by his parents' treatment of him?

I'm just curious; no hostility intended here.

but I'd like to know: what would you tell someone in that same position whose drug use was caused by his parents' treatment of him?

Well...that is a toughie. A person in that position needs a friend. An adult that can be trusted. A Teacher, neighbor, a social worker, etc. It is my opinion that the only reason a human uses a mind altering substance to the point of ABUSE is because they want to feel better than they feel now or they want to feel nothing at all. Pain, either physical or mental, hurts. Most folks dont like to hurt. People that hurt need help. Plain and simple. I used to hurt, no doubt. I found my way out of most of it. Some never do.

and bad parents can be a liability that is true. However everyone is responsible for their own drug use and to suggest otherwise is to enable someone's bad behavior.

maybe one in 100 people might be able to do it once or twice and stop. For the vast majority, they are going to love it enough to do it again a few time and a few times more ....voila`, Heroin addict.

have you tried heroin? My guess is zero.

so you go first and tell us just what your experience is Doc.

PS... I will be leaving for work in a few minutes. So don't get all bent out of shape if I don't answer you right away. But please feel free to tell us all about how much you know about heroin and how people become addicted.
If you would like to expand a bit more on what you think I know about heroin, feel free. I could use the laughs.

"you can not do heroin in moderation"
maybe one in 100 people might be able to do it once or twice and stop. For the vast majority, they are going to love it enough to do it again a few time and a few times more ....voila`, Heroin addict."

Is this a statement made from experience? were or are you a drug counselor? Or is this anecdotal or opinion? I beg to differ with you. I have used Heroin on a number of occasions and i loved it but i stopped using it because #1) it was expensive and #2) i REALIZED the dangers involved i.e. i was informed. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE folks...dont get me wrong...i am not an advocate for using, i am just against misinformation. One other thing. The idea that every heroin addict becomes a hollow eyed, layabout is also myth. Heroin addiction can be COMPLETELY manageable just as Alcohol addiction can be.

but teenagers are cop-bait. In a pinch, its a roll of the dice and venue whether he lectures and empties your stash on the ground, takes it to his private evidence room, or runs up his score booking you. Hope the car doesn't have commercial quantity class A in the trunk. Learn the legalities and practice not answering cop questions. Visit someone in jail or prison, figure who and how you'd pay to stay out.

Sheesh, you might as well go juicer.

:silly:

then it's time to get tough. Take away car privledges, no spending the night at friends homes, less money. Smoke away, but failing grades are unacceptable.

...the big scare is the illegality. The thought of a kid getting busted even while riding with a pal who has a stash is terrifying. The risk of your permanent record being noted in such a way that doors are closed to you further down the road is too much, isn't it?

Student loans, for example. Get busted, no student loans or grants.

"Get busted, no student loans or grants."

The federales are being really touchy about this one, the schmucks. A kid can't do trade school, much less a 4 year, private uni without federal money, and a single conviction dries up the money. (And yet a rapist can get a JD on my dime? ugh.)

Make the deal.... Grow your own at home and smoke it here. Never ever ever leave the house with even the scent of it on you. If you can't grow your own, then no smoking. No driving while under any influence. Do it again and all driving privileges are gone.

Personally, I'd encourage alcohol in moderation instead ( the tars in any smoke are as bad as the liver damage alcohol gives). But I'm allergic to the stuff and wouldn't want it in my house.

Politicat (who is severely allergic to a certain plant as mentioned above, but believes in private consumption and legalization for such, as well.)

:smoke:

and let them know the potential consequences of that behavior. If he is driving stoned then you must let him know you won't tolerate that. Take away the keys. But in return you must agree to pick him up, no questions asked, if he call you instead of driving. As to the use itself, that is a different matter. I would outline the consequences both health and legal and let him go from there.

First of all I would get some background info. find out where he was, who he was with, who procured the narcotics, etc. Then I would ask him why he felt he needed to get mashed off his bong at so tender an age. Then I would ask if he had done anything creative while high. If he had painted something, or made any music, or written some poetry. I would then play him a tape of the music I made as a teenager while high as a friggin kite on khat. I would then ask him if he could beat that for creativity. If he couldn't, I would tell him he was wasting his time. I would then maybe buy him a guitar or synthesiser and give him two weeks to produce a bombed out trip-hop punk fusion album, combining elements of reaggae and speed metal, complete with lyrics. I think that would sober him up a little.

Not long ago you started a thread asking DUers "what's the worst cigarette you've ever smoked?" A little while later you're whining about your kid coming home off his mash on pot. Maybe the best thing you can do is set an example by giving up your addictions, and not posting threads celebrating your habit. Methinks your kid has taken a leaf out of your book.

"Despite the fact that my parents were idiots in the seventies and didn't give a shit what I did, I did learn how to parent. So, there will be no drug use and that includes alcohol before you are of legal drinking age. It also means no illegal drug use ever.
I have no intention of ever being your "friend". I love you more than my own life and as your parent I will do whatever is in my power to keep you away from drug use. Teenagers are naturally more impulsive than adults. The decision you make today to try something could lead to a lifetime of bad consequences. The fact is that the younger you are when you start "experimenting" with drugs the more likely you are to become addicted. Because of that fact, I don't care how uncool you think I am, I will do whatever I can to keep you away from drugs."

I have two stepsons in drug rehab. Coke and Heroin. Both have spent time in the local psych ward cleaning up. They both lived with dad, when it started and then moved in with us to get cleaned up.
What can you do? Not much, if they are going to use they are going to use. Go to an Al-Anon meeting if it is getting to you, the group is very supportive and full of folks going through the same thing. At time the meetings can become pity parties, but for the most part are helpful.

I'll guess their dad was one of those cool Dads who was a friend rather than a parent.
My generation (boomers) is famous for being affraid to parent. We all think back to the shit we did and are affraid of telling our kids they can't do it too... at least not with our permission.

After all, you're the "Anti-Drug", according to what I hear on WLS all the time...."Parents: The Anti-Drug"...

Who ever thought that campaign up never had to deal with a doper kid....
Hope they don't try anything else. like Oxycontin, then get a craving to wear ties...

I can't believe all the anti-marijuana propaganda that is aired but the democrats can't dare airing a commercial about *gasp* Bush's failed policies without being blasted by right wing talkshows accross America.

I don't think any of this is a laughing matter. Today you can lose your student loans, go to jail and have a record if you continue to smoke pot. If your kid is doing it now and gets caught there is the protection of having a juvenile record. However if your kid gets high and kills someone in an accident then that protection may not be there.

In the state of PA if you get caught drinking or high while driving while a teenager and you can say good bye to your license for a long time.

I don't agree with the law but it is still the law.

If he (she?) is a minor, you are potentially on the hook for anything he does. If he is driving drunk or stoned and kills somebody, not only will he be in jail but in some jurisdictions you could be, too. And then of course there will be the civil suits, which will probably clean you out financially for a good long time, if not for life.

Also, if there are ever any drugs found in his room (or maybe even in the car), guess who is legally responsible? You are. It's your house. You could go to jail.

Personally, I am of the opinion that a kid who drives under the influence (even of pot) should have the keys taken away for a very long time. Did you lay down any ground rules for car usage when he got his license?

That there's a time and a place for experimenting with everything. And that place is college.

:D

But if he wants to light up, who can judge him??? No one...wait, just let me put my bowl down and I'll write some more.............