Very lame new Chick Tract up

Looks like preaching to me.......

Kind of run-of-the-mill....I didn't really see any hateful stuff....


:shrug:

Chick is usually brimming with hate.

overall.

I count myself as very lucky that I am NOT aquainted with this Jack Chick!

Sometimes ignorance is bliss........

:hi:

Some of his greatest hits:













(this one needs to be read in its entirety...http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0098/0098_01.asp)

:spray: :rofl: :rofl:


Too fucking funny!

Inviting an "Elfstar" to a social occasion is most certainly asking for trouble. You just KNOW they're gonna break out a dog-eared copy of "The Hobbit" and start reciting favorite passages.

Either that or offer you a fried puppy foreleg with hot sauce.






:yourock:

down next to me. a dumpy white guy with light brown hair and a thin, patch beard, and big square glasses. He put out his hand and said, "I'm Gray Wolf, what's your name?"

I said, "Gray Wolf? Are you part Indian or something?"

and he said "No, that's my SHAMAN name!"

So I picked up all my stuff and moved to another seat.

:eyes:

Remind me to move if you ever sit next to me on the train.

name and believes in a bastardized, New Age version of native spirituality, be my guest.

to my place. Ah Gods especially the double-jointed ones!!!! Memories, very good memories. :evilgrin:

That is the one with the hot brunette witch- which one is that? :)

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp

Now, HERE's a tract that expresses one of Jack's favorite themes:

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0095/0095_01.asp

Jack loves Ephesians 2:8-9--faith gets you into heaven, works gets you thrown into hell.

I counter with James 2:18--Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.``

I love "Bad Bob" "The Angels" and "The Last Generation"

Those Dianic Wiccans would NEVER okay that!

(was? didn't he die?) a virulent misogynist and homophobe. His stuff was dumber than a brick. You know what causes homosexuality.... looking at Playboy! Satanism? RPGs!


He was so fucked in the head. I have several of his tracts because they make me laugh my rear end off. I remenber an incident where my ex-wife and I were playing Illuminatus at Denney's and got pelted with Chick's tracts because we were going to hell and satanist homosexual child molester monsters.

We were playing a game and at the time I was a Gnostic Christian. It was funny.

Chick was kinda, well, so fucked in the head you can't believe it.


Khash.

Well, obviously. For a so-called Porno Magazine, Playboy is refreshingly free of porn. Lots of "lifestyle" articles, but not a lot of porn.

The old joke about reading Playboy for the articles isn't exactly a joke: if you're reading Playboy for the porn, your money will be much better invested in a Hustler or some other porn book that actually has a lot of porn in it.

But seriously: if you were going to turn yourself gay by reading magazines, wouldn't you at least get a Playgirl or something else that had naked men in it?

Apparently the sight of beautiful naked women is enough to turn anyone gay. I have the pamphlet around here somewhere...

(Playboy is pretty tame, I agree. Hardly pornographic. (When it first came out, though, it was revolutionary.) Reading it for the articles is actually a good idea - they publish stories from some of the best writers and the interviews are often interesting and insightful. And the Playboy Foundation has done good work on free speech issues.)

Khash.

You would do better reading Hustler. Good investigative Journalism articles in every issue. Not to mention the asshole of the month column.

More good articles than the fluff and consumerism articles that fill the pages of Playboy.

Yeah, I like Hustler's articles. Remember when Larry Flynt tried doing a "serious" investigative journalism book? He basically took Hustler and stripped out the raunchy stuff. It didn't last very long, as I recall, because the people who wouldn't buy a porn magazine put out by Larry Flynt also wouldn't buy a porn-free magazine put out by Larry Flynt. Bummer, because the guy does put good solid articles in his magazine.

It's called "The Dirty Diamond."

Brief synopsis:

Man and his dad are engineers in South Africa.

Man and his dad go into a mine.

Mine caves in, killing dad. In dad's hand is an uncut diamond.

Son takes diamond, keeps it uncut, passes it on to man in story.

Man in story tries to give diamond to family next door because he has no family of his own. Family next door gives it back because grandma decides it's just a rock and won't pay to have it appraised.

Man dies intestate, state takes over his house--including the uncut diamond.

The state appraises it at over $4 million.

Woman who gave diamond back faints.

Man from the state talks her into Accepting Jesus As Her Savior.

* * * * *

Like I said, lame. No devils or nothin'.

Why was the lawyer proselytizing to them?

Since no one went to hell in that tract, someone HAD to proselytize. It's one of the rules: either Someone Finds Jesus or Someone Goes To Hell in every one of Chick's tracts.

What the fuck was up with a preaching lawyer anyway? :evilgrin:

And it scared the living shit out of me.



http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0022/0022_01.asp

And just when you wondered who REALLY controlled the insurance industry....

....yep. It's SATAN!! :evilgrin:

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1025/1025_01.asp?wpc=1025_01.asp%22

This should have been the November edition since it's about Thanksgiving. Typical Chick stereotypes in this one. Gays controlled by demons, the faceless God, all "unsaved" people being foul mouthed drug addicts, etc. Or in other words, a normal Thanksgiving in the typical American family :evilgrin:

Come on Jack, you've gotta try harder if you want to offend people.

george w bush: This Was Your Life!

I wonder how it would end.

He would have Chick's 50 ft tall faceless God pinch off Chimpy's head and throw it down to Hell so the demons could play soccer with it.

(he's said that would be an appropriate fate for both James Dobson and Pat Robertson before, so why not Junior?)

...so unwittingly hip- his outrageous stereotypes are very compelling.

Some of the story telling is great too- check out "Bad Bob" "Somebody Goofed" "The Last Generation" or the Haloween titles...

Chick tracts are great fun- solid comics.

The art in this particular tract and some of the new ones really does suck though.

His earlier Chick Tracts at least made some sort of causual sense.

This one's just plain incoherent.

He should divorce her and go on Harmony and find a nice christian woman to have sex with...

:rofl:

That was a lame tract, but that line alone made it worth the read.

:rofl:

finally realizing that diamond money funds murder in Africa.

What was I thinking?

This was actually a good story to make his point about turning down the gift of grace. I don't necessarily agree with the whole judgement and hell thing, but there is a good point made in the story. Turning down a gift generously given is not a wise thing to do.

Boring and unfunny. :(

Jesus talks to George W. Bush at his ranch

One day, George W. Bush was walking through woods at his ranch in Texas, and the Lord Jesus met him and walked with him, as Bush said he often did.

“Mr. President,” Jesus began respectfully, “I am deeply troubled.”

“What’s eating ya, beard boy?” Bush said to his Lord and Savior.

“I am deeply troubled because I have seen a country that does not know me. Their people do not follow my ways, and their leaders do not fear God and glorify themselves instead of him. They ignore the cries of their people and add to their affiliction. What would you do to make such a country come to know my love, Mr. President?”

George W. Bush did not think at all, for he was a decisive man who knew what he knew and needed no thought or evidence to tell others what to do. “This leader’s a bad man?”

“Yes,” Jesus said.

“We got to take him out. We’ll give some money to his enemies or even his bodyguards, so maybe one of ‘em’ll air condition his head and take his place.”

“What if no one can do this?”

“Then we gotta invade. We’ll bomb every place that leader ever takes a dump, and tuh make sure they can’t fight back, we’ll blow out the phones, electricity, water, and even sewers.”

“Won’t your bombs hurt mothers and children and even men that hate the leader more than they were hurt by the leader? Won’t the parent who sees his child whose head is reduced to empty flaps of skin by your bombs or the child whose parents and brothers and sisters are killed and whose arms armed burned from his body, hate you and your lord with an undying hatred if you do this, and fight you even more than the evil leader?”

“Jesus, I got that covered. See, we’re going to privatize everything. Everything they ever made, all the minerals and whatnot below the ground, and every plant, drop of water and breath of air above and sell it to my friends. Then they gonna sell—“

“How would that help—“

“Don’t interrupt me, I’m working toward a point, Jesus H. Christ!”

And Jesus was silent.

“After we finish the privatizing, if anyone don’t like it we’ll throw them in prison, strip them naked, and make them bark like dogs. Then we’ll take pictures and threaten to show ‘em to their wives and friends if they don’t do just like they’re told when we turn ‘em loose. If that don’t break ‘em, we’ll rape their wives and children in front of them, so that they know who’s boss.”

“How will that make them love me?”

“We’ll do some religious stuff too. We’ll make them cuss out their false god and say that you’re the Lord, and if they don’t, we’ll throw their holy book on the ground and piss on it. Hell, we’ll make them piss on it. You can bet they won’t be denying you after this.”

“I see. And what would you do with the leader of this country?”

“Well, if we didn’t kill him outright, we got to humiliate him in public. Kill his children and pull their bones out to identify them. Then when we catch him, we’ll parade him around in his underpants, and have a local on our payroll pretend to give him a trial. It’s better not to kill ‘em outright now that I think about it. My pappy says can’t go back to beat a dead dog a second time, so It’s better to let him live.”

“George,” Jesus said, “your plan is more terrible than the wrath my father rained down on Sodom and Gomorrah, the people of that country will repent of their sins, and their leader will be brought low.”

“That’s great cuz I’m a war president. I always got war on my mind. When do we get started? Who is this leader?”

“You are that leader, George. And what you have done unto the least of my children will be done unto you.”

And George W. Bush had no idea what the hell Jesus was talking about.

http://professorsmartass.blogspot.com/2005/06/jesus-talks-to-george-w-bush-at-his.html

Jebus is an uncut diamond? WTF?

Ye gods...the mind races.

Didn't he write one called Why Catholic Scum Burn In Hell or something like that?

... and the Chicks in tight pants saving the world?

That was really lame!

Was there even a point?

x(

:P