Vincent Gallo's Sperm - $1 Million (a must read)

http://vgmerchandise.com/misc.html

Vincent Gallo's Sperm

$1 Million

Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself. Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well aware of Mr. Gallo's multiple talents, but to add further insight into the value of Mr. Gallo's sperm, aside from being multi talented in all creative fields, he was also multi talented as an athlete, winning several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle racing. Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt. Mr. Gallo also presently maintains a distinctively full head of hair and at the age of 43 has surprisingly few gray hairs. Though his features are sharp and extreme, they would probably blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female. Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo's sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find another surname for the child.

Vincent Gallo is definitely certifiable

Who is Vincent Gallo? :shrug:

Latest bit of notoriety is based on the fact that he shot an explicit scene of Chloe Sevigny blowing him in his latest movie, Brown Bunny.

x(

Believe you, me... You'd want to stay away from that train wreck

The first hour was somewhat self indulgent, but the hotel scene actually gave it some depth & tenderness. I also thought the blow-job was one of the better uses of graphic sex in a film (after the likes of 9 Songs & Ken Park) and it didn't feel like it was there to shock.

However, I still think Gallo's a mad egocentric c*** IRL though.

edit -- found it: This is what he wrote about Chloe Sevigny in the 1997 'Gallo on Gallo' interview:

"Connecticut without the etiquette... too busy spreading Harmony Korine's herpes" to act properly.

explicit indeed, she's got his rod in her mouth for the whole world to see

google image search her name with safe search off - first result

"natural" insemination? Shouldn't that merit a DISCOUNT of some sort?

And therefor illegal?

I'm not sure who should pay whom. Of course, the obvious loophole would be to set up a camera and film the act, magically transforming them into actor/producer who can legally pay someone to do just about anything in the name of art/commerce. Go figure.

...geez. Vincent Gallo needs a vasectomy, so that his genes can't be spread.

I love his film Buffalo '66, but outside of that, he's just too fargone for my tastes.

Nut job - freepers can have him!

I pity the poor woman who want to have a baby who looks like that ugly motherfucker.

This has to be a sick joke. He can't possibly that big an asshole. No wait, I think it is for real. He is this big an asshole. I hope he is sterile, we don't need those genes getting passed on. I don;t think he has anything worth passing on to a child.

I can't believe this is for real. Anyway, whoever set this site up really needs serious psychiatric help.

"In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar."

Anti-semitic much?

This guy's crazier than a shithouse rat.

a bad review, so it's no surprise he thinks success in Hollywood requires being a Jew. What a moron. Yeah, like I believe that guy is drug-free. He looks like a fucking heroin addict.

edited to change that to "hexed". He hexed Roger Ebert with prostate cancer apparently. Which was weird because Roger did get diagnosed with colon cancer shortly thereafter.

I know about the much ballyhooed "Buffalo 66" (I've watched half of it) because the normally wise and informed video geeks at the REAL video store ADORE it but seriously who is this guy and why is he still around?

It appears that he has made all of two movies????

An explanation has to help.

He was big in the whole NYC art scene when Soho was first jumping onto the map and was allegedly a pretty great painter. (I've never seen any of his paintings.) Also, he made a bunch of way underground art films back then. He apparently quit painting circa 1990 "out of spite".

Now, he's just a big freak who's made a name for himself by being a big freak.

Sorry but almost anything associated with the art world sends up my "they had to be born with spare money to spend because they aren't capable of actually having jobs" red flags.

Gallo sounds pretty typical to me. I love art and all but some people take themselves WAY to seriously for painting triangles and the like.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vincent_Gallo

No, he doesn't look AT ALL crazy standing there in underwear and a too-small Yes t-shirt. Criminy.

a couple of years ago, as part of a Channel 4 strand called 'The Art Show'. It was pretty savage & used Gallo's own words against him for 30 minutes. Here's an article where the director, Jacques Peretti, talks about Gallo & the project:

"Gallo finds time in his schedule to tell everyone involved that "Jacques Peretti is a bad man trying to do bad things to Vincent." I continue to worry that he will actually come over and kill me (the way you do when you're a major Hollywood star), even though the film is a sympathetic, even affectionate character assassination."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/arts/fridayreview/story/0,12102,1084005,00.html