How do you deal with loneliness?

For some reason I have been feeling pretty down lately about myself and life, etc. And now it's Saturday night and I have nowhere to go and nothing to do. I wish I had someone to spend time with. The last person I met, I just didn't click with but I wonder if I made a mistake in telling him. Maybe I should have spent more time with him; maybe at least then I wouldn't be alone tonight.

I don't want to go out to a bar tonight by myself. I can't ever bring myself to talk to anyone if I do and it only makes me more depressed.

I have ads up at various sites but no one EVER answers then. I can't figure that out at all. I post photos (maybe that's the problem LOL). Or maybe I shouldn't mention that I am working on a Master's. Does that really scare guys off or is it just nonsense? Or maybe I am just too picky in what I want and it doesn't exist around here. I do feel that this town is bad for single people in general and educated ones in particular (they all tend to leave as there are few jobs for anyone with a degree here).

I am too old (37) for this bullshit anymore.

Since I have been thinking like this all week. I just have moments like this for some reason. I go weeks, months even without these thoughts and then boom something happens. I blame stress actually. Too much work, too little time to just do whatever.

Since you are working on your Masters, you probably cringe at the thought of taking another class, but it might be just the thing. You will be around other people who are engaged in the same activity as you, but it won't be the bar scene.

That is actually how I met my husband. I was divorced, and tired of the dating scene. I got to the point where the only place I went was to work, and I realized that I needed to get out and do something. Well, I love to dance, so I signed up for a dance class through one of our community colleges. It was just one evening a week, but it made a big difference in my life. You didn't need to have a partner; there were equal numbers of men and women. We had one main partner, but we always changed partners several times during the evening. Several of us ended up being friends, and going out dancing on Friday or Saturday night. Over time, my husband and I got to be really good friends, and then it progressed from there. Been married 11 years now.

Just a suggestion.

that I have actually missed the last three weeks due to work, illness, etc. But the last one only had two people in it. But it's a good idea.

Believe me I can. All we want is a special person in our lives. Just one. That's my goal. My #1 goal.

For some reason (maybe the fact that it is nearing the holidays- eeek!) it is just bad right now. It'll pass and I'll probably feel the opposite!

The holidays don't bother me, not even Valentine's Day really. I just get this feeling from time to time that reminds me I've not really had what I would call a love relationship in life. But then I move on and concentrate on other things.

I'm 23. I can't bring myself to go to the bar (even thought I really want to go) because I'm not the type of person that just talks to anyone. I don't like going to the bar alone, either.

How do I deal with the loneliness? I drink a lot, and by myself.

In fact, I'm going to get something to drink right now.

By myself... Hang out at a book store... go to lectures... Take a cooking class... Talk to people.... You never know...

Get involved. Be proactive. Only you can change the way your life is going. It takes some effort but I think it'll be worth it in the end.
Good luck to you. :hi:

:eyes:

that you also get politically and socially involved and cultivate friendships with a wide variety of people. You know, rather than sitting around waiting for Ms. Right to ring your doorbell and launch an extemporaneous romantic involvement.

I'm just lucky that I enjoy my own company. ;)

B-)

i remember being so lonely at times that i cried myself to sleep, but that's way in the past. my son's sports activities, teevee, and the net work for me as i'm pretty much a natural homebody anyway. a couple of past very bad relationships will do that to you too...

i'm alone and as quite happy now.

kiss off

I need someone a person to talk to
Someone who’d care to love
Could it be you could it be you
Situation gets rough then I start to panic
It’s not enough it’s just a habit
Hey kid your sick well darling this is it
You can all just kiss off into the air
Behind my back I can see them stare
They’ll hurt me bad but I won’t mind
They’ll hurt me bad they do it all the time
Yeah yeah they do it all the time
I hope you know this will go down
On your permanent record
Oh yeah well don’t get so distressed
Did I happen to mention that I’m impressed
I take one one one cause you left me and
Two two two for my family and
3 3 3 for my heartache and
4 4 4 for my headaches and
5 5 5 for my lonely and
6 6 6 for my sorrow and
7 7 for no tomorrow and
8 8 I forget what 8 was for and
9 9 9 for a lost God and
10 10 10 10 for everything
Everything everything everything

That's my sigline :)

as i am in a relationship on life support right now.
it has merit

I, too, discovered this song many years ago while in the throes of a relationship turning sour.

I have been married to the same person for 25 years and have two teenagers. But I feel lonely very much of the time.

Here's what I tell my teenager daughter based on my own experience. Life doesn't define you by who you are with but by who you are. Rejoice in yourself. Your importance on earth is not determined by who you date or marry. It is all you.

There are so many bad relationships, many more than are good. LOve is Love. You can love a dog the same way you can love a boy friend or spouse. Seriously have you ever thought of adopting a child? If you are looking for a meaningful relationship, maybe you are looking in the wrong place? My two cents :)
spelling error

I know that I am not cut out for that. I do have a cat. Living in an apartment means I can't have more than that but someday I'll have my own place.

Actually I am not sure if boredom doesn't have something to do with it as well. I'd go out but then I'd kick myself for not staying home and doing work (on my thesis). Not that I'll get much done by staying home either what with DU and all. LOL.

I was gonna say 'get a dog'. I still think they are more sociable and willing to play than a cat.
I am not sure why you do not get any responses with the online thing. Do you ever initiate?

online or in real life. Something I need to work on. Well the online thing is usually free until you want to contact people. I can't bring myself to pay $20 a month for that yet at least. A lot of it used to be free all the time. I used to get responses then (but I was also younger).

My thesis is on the effects of environmental factors (water temp, salinity, season etc) on fish populations in the upper Laguna Madre (Texas) or something like that at least.

You will met like minded people and help with your life goals.

You won't find anyone. When you become full of passion for something people will find you.

It really boils down to liking yourself and finding things you have a passion for. Get those two things working together and you are bound to find someone else that is interested in them and you.

Last night I blew off two offers for dates to have a complete pamper night at home. I made homemade spaghetti, had a candlelight dinner, bought myself a bouquet of flowers, and after dinner treated myself to opera and poetry in front of a roaring fire.

I made the entire night all about appealing to all my senses - petable clothing, tasty food, sweet smelling flowers, firelight, and wonderful music. It made me love my life just the way it is, and reminded me that it's better not to settle just because I'm a little lonely.

I am in the middle of thinking about making dinner. Actually it is going to be steak on the grill. Something I actually know how to do.

peace :hug:

But I take great pride in what I can cook 'cause dang it, I can cook it well! :-)

:thumbsup:

you don't

dealing is like a dog chasing its tail - it doesn't end & it's too easy to fall back on - "i can't do (x) because i'm dealing with (y)"

loneliness is the human condition, no one is exempt

busy yourself with distractions

get your pleasure where you can

take up the least self-destructive habit you can find

I just get on this kick once in a while and I thought I'd share it with you all. LOL

seeing anyone.

That's why I spend part of each day at the neighborhood coffee shop, sing in a church choir, sing with another group on occasion, go to the gym for water aerobics four times a week, and volunteer to serve meals for the homeless.

Even when I was in grad school, I sang in groups and occasionally acted in plays, just to keep my life from getting monotonous.

I'm dealing with a tough long distance situation with my husband right now. He's taken a new job in another state and I've stayed behind to get our house sold. Well, the house hasn't sold yet, we've been apart for 2 months now and it's damn hard. The prospect of our house not selling for another 4-5 months is pretty depressing because we are really close. We're one of those married couples who are truly soulmates and love to just be at home together. We even cook together.

I've dealt with the loneliness by focusing on trying to improve myself and setting positive goals to achieve. For instance, I started ice skating a year ago at age 41 and have really gotten into it. I just entered my first adult competition and won 3 medals! I've also dropped a lot of weight which was a great side benefit. So physically I feel much better (and buying a bunch of size 6 clothes was pretty cool, too!)

I also spend a lot of time getting informed about political issues. I read blogs all the time and really enjoy educating myself. My advice is to get really comfortable with yourself and treat yourself well. Challenge yourself in some way - pursue a new dream. You never know where it will take you! When you're truly happy with yourself is when someone wonderful will enter your life. Take care of YOU!

My friends and I go every week and we sometimes have people who are alone ask if they can join our team (the trivia host will usually help match you up if you ask). It would be a good way to meet other educated people (or at least people who are interested in history, politics, art, etc).

I've met all sorts of interesting new people there. You don't have the pressure of trying to get to know someone in one night well enough to decide whether or not to give them your phone number---You see many of the same people every week. Now we even get together with some of the trivia people other nights of the week to go bowling or sing karaoke or something.

I never thought of that before. I am going to watch George Carlin tonight though- I forgot it was on tonight.

I don't know about your particular circumstances or interests, but I've met some really fantastic people through volunteering in the community. I'm just about your age and can totally understand what you're saying. I'm sorry you're feeling down in general. I think this time of year tends to exacerbate those feelings, to be honest.

I wish you the best of luck. Whatever you do, don't settle for less than you deserve. :hug:

I think you are right about the time of year. I've just been so busy with work lately that everything kind of snuck up.

nt

How can you be lonely when you're "one with everything"? Maybe someday I'll get there....

Bill

Your thesis or a creative project. I've been in various relationships for many years running and I really miss those long passages of solitude when I could sink myself in my work.

For most of my life, I've been a very shy, quiet individual. Even now, it's rare that I engage in an extended conversation with anybody.

I don't drink, so bars are out; don't smoke, either. I can take people or leave them. I used to be very active socially, but now I would rather be alone more. The cats help, and I have several very, very good friends who prod me once in awhile. My family is far away--thank god. The dysfunction there nearly drove me insane, and certainly didn't help my mood.

You might consider checking with your doctor to see if you have clinical depression. If you do, medicine will help ease your moods.

It might sound a little "old fashioned" but I suggest you find a Bingo night in your area. Yeah, mostly elderly men and women, but it's mindless, you mix, you play and occasionally you might win some money.

Hobby classes are good, but there are also places to play games, like Scrabble clubs, for example. And let's not forget computer classes, either.

It's gotten for me now the chance to get to know me. I converse on the phone and the computer with friends near and far, and if I'm up to it physically, I take a drive in the car. One of my "kids" has been sick, so I take her out for rides to the park on occasion. With colder weather just around the corner, I won't be able to do that anymore, though.

I'm a photographer, and if I have the energy, I go and take pictures. It's great to simply go and contemplate the world. I don't want to have a partner at this point in my life--good friends are far more important, and far more entertaining.

I write. I haven't worked much on my regular writing for awhile, but I write the occasional essay here at DU when I get the chance. In the past, I've taken writing classes just to be forced to write something.

Once you are happy with yourself, once you have gotten comfortable with your own skin, the need for partnership eases. You will find that being alone and being lonely are two ends of a spectrum--many people are surrounded by others and are the loneliest people on earth, even more so that those who are always alone.

at the age of 27. Nobody I liked and thought was attractive was interested in me. So at the ripe old age of 27, I thought I was going to be alone forever. Then a year later...*KA-WHAM!* I met Greekspeak! We've been together almost 11 years now! My point is that you NEVER know when it's going to happen to you. You'll be strolling merrily along with life and then, all of a sudden, everything is turned upside down by someone who takes your breath away! Never give up, Alarimer. I wish you the best. :hug:

You are proably right. I should stop worrying so much about being alone and just go with the flow. I need to get outside; it is still warm enoug here (Texas) to go to the beach. I would go kayaking but it has been pretty windy lately. Maybe today it won't be. But it's Sunday morning and I am feeling a whole lot better than I did yesterday. Funny how a new day will do that.

I used to go to workshops (writing/poetry/short stories) often and met all kinds of interesting people. It was very productive, and gratifying, but I haven’t done that in years.

I am currently full of self loathing and have a huge inferiority complex, so mostly I work and I come home and I wish that my close friends lived near (most are 400 miles away and stuck in that Katrina mess)

Many of my friends have died. This last year I lost 5 friends that I’ve known since I was a teenager, three to Hepatitis C/and or HIV complications, and two to suicide.

I’ve kind of given up on meeting people. I don’t try anymore, too much rejection.

I even had a bunch of friends on the internet years ago and then I was out of it for awhile (mentally and physically) after a car wreck.

And then I came back and it was like everything had changed. It feels like people are meaner in the net communities that I tend to gravitate toward, everyone is so suspicious of everyone else and so ready to strike out and assume the worst.

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like it wasn’t like this in the late 90s, (in the progressive community, we were all nice to each other) god I miss the Clinton years.

Last night I was watching television and I realized it was Saturday night, I was home alone watching a 'Law and Order' rerun and fighting with the dogs for my graham crackers. When I consciously realized this, I just started to laugh, because all I could think of was there was no place I'd rather be. When I do go out, I generally spend most of my time wishing I were home. Whenever I do feel lonely, it's generally when there are other people around, but never when I'm alone with the dogs and cat.....

I don't dislike or fear people, and I don't feel lonely whenever I'm around them. It's just that the only times I feel the pangs of loneliness is when other people are around, but not when I'm alone.

That's EXACTLY how I feel..alone in a crowded room.

Being alone used to bother me much more than it does now. I still suffer the pangs of loneliness often, but yeah, not as much when I'm actually alone than when I'm in a crowd. Funny how that works. One day recently, though, I woke up and realised that being alone, I have time to do things, work on things, reflect and create, that I might well not be able to do if I had a partner and/or children. It may sound like a cliche to constantly hear things like "work on yourself, find out who you are," etc, but it really is sound advice. The solitude is now teaching me to become my own person, rather than lose myself inside of others like I too often did with a partner, if that makes any sense.

Edited for typo