So...I just found out my SO has another son.

I mean, we knew that it was a possibility that this boy was his son, but he didn't think so, because the boy's mother had been cheating on him during the time he was concieved. Well, we got pictures today. There really is not much question,although a paternity test would be the best thing.
He's eight.
I am quite intimidated by this whole thing.
Thank goodness he(SO's son) seems to be fairly well adjusted, and taking the renewed contact with my SO fairly well as can be expected. My husband; now that's another matter. Guilt is not the word for it....
And the fact that WE have a 2 year old together. Sheesh.


eh? I'm a little lost.....

lildreamer. I'm so sorry! :hug: It's never easy to find these things out, much less, eight years after the kids been born.

I feel for all of you! :grouphug:

To be truthful, it is actually a pretty good situation considering how bad it could've been. The mom is now remarried and has two other kids; it sounds like she has her life together alot more than she did eight years ago. Hubby is much more settled with me than he has ever been. He has lead a very nomadic and sometimes homeless life.He would have not been in any shape to care for his son before this,anyway, so I think, in a way, this was the best and earliest this reunion could have happened. There dosen't seem to be alot of animosity from anyone, so I hope we can all just move foreward instead of dwelling on time lost. Don't know if hubby is going to be able to do well with the guilt, though. Still working on that....
Thanks for the kind words.
Oh my goodness, I'm gonna be a stepmom! AAAArg!!

No doubt about it!

In time, he'll realize the guilt is just wasted energy. Especially given that prior to now, he wouldn't have been capable of being there for the kid. In time, he'll come to terms with that.

Sorry this caught you all off guard--but I guess one is never really prepared for such news, are they?

:hi:

for the vote of confidence. And no, no one is ever really prepared for it.
I'm just glad SO is doing so well stepping up to the plate and taking responsibility. He is a wonderful and sensitive man, but he had a hard early life and severe ADD, and sometimes it is like having a very mature but not-very-neat child with no memory. He's only 28--hasn't hit that "AhA!" moment yet. I am four years older, so guess who gets to be the I-Told-you-so person. Bleh. Well, here it comes for him...like a brick wall!!

it sounds like you have a great relationship, and love each other very much.

I know lots of people would say I'm overly optimistic, or unrealistic--but I believe if you can look at him everyday and know that when all else fails, you still LIKE HIM as a person--you're good! And you guys can get through anything together!

I've seen people say they love someone, but they don't even really LIKE them. I love my dh, and at the end of the day, I like him--dig who he is as a person.

Though I can personally attest to what it's like to be married to a little boy in a big boy's body. LOL! Yours' sounds a lot like mine--mine's older. It never goes away... sorry. ;)

Sorry to keep you replying, but I just had to answer. He is my "soulmate" (I actually think you have more than one,but 'nother discussion there). We are just so good together, and he is such a wonderful person all around. Really, he is an old soul--I learn alot from him every day. Even if we were not together, I would be honored to know him just as a friend. I am truly blessed......

You just made me break into a huge grin! I love hearing people describe their so's in such a way! It's so rare to hear this--thanks so much for sharing!

I think he's a lucky guy, too...
;)

but it does sound like you and husband are a little shocked.

This is actually similar to something a friend of mine is dealing with right now with her SO--how strange.

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but atm I don't want to risk upsetting the fragile balance we have going. I am thinking after awhile....
The mom isn't trying to get any money out of him, but the only problem we have is that she says his name is on the birth certificate. He and his mother say that he was in another state at the time the baby was born. Not sure how his name got on the certificate......weird.
Thanks so much for the kind words. It actually isn't as hard now that we know,as it was when I first faced the possibility about a month ago. I just hope the boy isn't too angry and resentful, and I really hope he dosen't have any issues, now or later, with the son I have now. Eeech....

does the son know about your husband yet/know your husband may be his biological father?

They have been emailing back and forth for a few nights. He(son) says his mom always told him who his father was; it is just that hubby did not think it was his son(b/c of the cheating). He tried to keep up contact anyway when he left, but being so nomadic and sometimes homeless, it was hard for him to keep in touch. Not that it is an excuse, but there it is.

Don't worry where the child came from.

Just love the young'uns.

Doesn't matter where they came from,
they all need nourishment and encouragement.
I am trying to convey to you the need to look beyond the
lineage and help the children.

the only reason I think the suggestion to get paternity testing done is a wise one is--presuming it is even possible to get anyone to consent to an actual DNA analysis--the other relationship the bio mom admits to having had. If it is another person is biological father, that other party has rights he may wish to exercise. Establishing evidence of the facts now (though it doesn't sound like there is much doubt about parentage) might prevent a LOT of potential choas in the future.

Just do all you can to
give all the young'uns a place to grow.

There isn't time to fight about whose is whose.





there are young children that need help today.

All that legal B.S. is a waste of time.

Hug the kids, NOW!!

YOu know, I would love nothing better than to gather this child to me and never let him go---what must he be going through?But, I am not his mother,and I don't know what he wants...I don't know how she has brought him up. I just don't want to step on any toes until we are all a bit more secure. My biggest worry is that I am a pagan...it is obvious from only a few emails that the idea that she introduced him to Harry Potter was a bit of "corruption". Here we go...
I just want him to know that he has always been loved by his father, and always will be. Anything I can do to facilitate these two forming a better bond will make me happy.

Do not be too intimidated. Just try to go with the flow...Although the contact between your SO and his son is late, I think it is better late than never.

:hug:

It is never TOO late, but I think we are doing well at eight, considering Hubby did not get to meet HIS real father until he was 16. Hence the guilt---he feels as if he is repeating a bad pattern.
Thanks for the hug...

8 years old is a really fun age for boys...until about 12-1/2...when they get mouthy!

I'm really looking foreward to that...:eyes:

I have a friend who is going through a similar thing - only her (now ex) SO had TWO kids. Take care. :hug:

Maybe that seems like an odd thing to say; but I hope you and your SO are happy about this. New family members are such a gift! :grouphug:

A little boy has finally found his daddy. That can't be a bad thing. And who knows? You might someday come to love him as your own. :)