Bush Orders Mass Bald Eagle Slaughter To Stop Spread Of Bird Flu

Bush Orders Mass Bald Eagle Slaughter To Stop Spread Of Bird Flu

November 2, 2005 | Issue 41•44

WASHINGTON, DC—As experts issue increasingly dire warnings of an avian flu epidemic, President Bush signed an executive order Tuesday authorizing the mass slaughter of "all bald eagles found anywhere within our borders."

"As president, my first duty is to protect the American people, whether the threat is terrorists or deadly, fast-mutating bird viruses," said Bush, standing on the lawn of the National Mall before a specially built pyre stacked with recently killed bald eagles. "This proactive initiative will rid our nation of this potentially disease-ridden winged animal."

Bush added: "I want these birds rounded up, tied down, and their throats slit."

Executive Order 1342A, which calls for the annihilation of the bald eagle, specifies that each carcass shall be wrapped in a single American flag, doused with gasoline, and burned.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/42166

:rofl:

It took me a few clicks to realize it was a spoof. * does so many asinine things this just seemed par for the course.

:rofl: