So what do you tell the Jehova's Witnesses to get them to leave?

Just dealt with one awhile. Him and his wife were going to every room in my apartment it seems. Knock on the door, talk about how they're not really soliciting and violating the rules her therefore, and about how us young people (since it's pretty much all college students here) need to hear about the future and what's about to happen to the Earth and this promise in the Bible that you'll be so interested in if you're a Biblically-minded person and all that. So then what did I say?

"I don't care. I'm a Jew."

Hey, it worked with the fundies and the Mormons who harass you on campus before. No clue what they would do if I told them the truth that I was a liberal non-Biblical literalist Christian, that's probably the worse possible reply you can give if you want to be left alone.

There's actually quite a few Muslims who live in my apartment (Somali refugees), so I wonder how they dealth with them...

Just answer the door naked.

Unless, of course, you know its them or you open your door to everyone naked. Of course, if they have caught you by surprise, invite them in as you take your clothes of and further invite them into the shower, for effect, ask if the would prfer a loofa or a bath sponge.

After months of them coming by every Sunday* and me telling them to go away, I answered the door naked, and for good measure, I scratched myself before shaking hands with them. Invited them in for a beer. They declined, said they'd come back at a better time and never came back after that.


* to be honest, I sort of encouraged them, because the first time they came by they had a drop dead gorgeous blonde in an above-the-knee dress showing some nice leg and cleavage, so I stood on the porch and let them talk while I blatantly and obviously ogled her and looked her up and down to the point that I practically offended myself. I wonder why she never came back with them after that?

After months of them coming by every Sunday* and me telling them to go away, I answered the door naked, and for good measure, I scratched myself before shaking hands with them. Invited them in for a beer. They declined, said they'd come back at a better time and never came back after that.


* to be honest, I sort of encouraged them, because the first time they came by they had a drop dead gorgeous blonde in an above-the-knee dress showing some nice leg and cleavage, so I stood on the porch and let them talk while I blatantly and obviously ogled her and looked her up and down to the point that I practically offended myself. I wonder why she never came back with them after that

I've never done the nude thang .... but I've shown up at the door in shorts and no shirt ...... I used to work nights ..... and scratched my .... well .... the boys ..... and yawned alot and said "honey, I just got off work at 2am and haven't had coffee this is WAY to much info for me right now!".

Once it got so bad, I put a "No Bible Thumpers" sign on my door:

Some asshole woke me up at 7:55am on the Saturday after last November's election. I opened the door to find out who in the world was annoying the shit out of me on my first weekend to sleep in late in forever and this old guy and his wife are standing there. I look at them and neither of them say hello, instead he says to me (and I quote) "do you want to go to hell?" I said excuse me and he repeated himself. In one of my rare moments of clarity I said "if it gets me away from people like you then sign me up" and slammed the door in their face. They stood there for a minute not moving so I opened the door again and told them to get off my property before I released the hound (ok, so he's a miniature dachshund, but they sound like huge dogs). They ambled off pretty quickly after that. I ordered that sticker that afternoon and haven't had any problems since.

:)

with my _____ usually does the trick.

:evilgrin:

Girl, if I get to Georgia anytime soon, I'll buy you a beer.

Thanks for the belly laugh! I'd do the same thing. Cept my dog is a little bigger.
fsc

We'd do the town in true DU fashion and have a damn good time doing it!

Lots in common too as I suspect you are an Odd Todd fan???

By the way...do you like coffay?

fsc

I did this once, and have yet to have them return.

Put some fake blood on a decent size knife. Open the door and tell them you are doing a scrafic to SATAN and ask them if they would like to help you. If possible, put on something like AC/DC, Electric Hellfire Club, Deicide, Slayer, Ozzy, Marilyn Manson, etc. on in the background. It works like a charm.

Lu

or do you do this on a regular basis, for real

I did that once and the bastards started bugging me a couple times a week for a MONTH. If you tell them you're a devil worshipper, they are very likely to decide that YOU need "saving" more than anyone else, and focus their efforts on you.

I finally got rid of them by telling them that the next time they bothered me, I'd "answer the door with my rifle and you won't like the result". When the SOB's came back four freaking days later, I grabbed my rifle and opened the door with my rifle dangling in my right hand (unloaded and safety ON, of course) and the most pissed off expression I could muster on my face. I never raised it, pointed it at them, or said a word. I just stood there and stared. They took the hint and left.

I would never have shot them, but I was damned tempted to show them what kind of damage a butt plate can do.

"the voices in my head want you to go. You should, before something really really bad happens."

If your apartment complex/community has "no soliciting" rules (as mine does) they are in violation, plain and simple. Find out what church (or whatever their house of worship is called) they go to and report them to your manager or HOA.

they visited quite frequently. I just never opened the door for them--even when it was obvious I was home--television on, talking on phone, etc.

They choose to do what they do. I choose not to listen.

Or, if the door is open, tell them to get the hell out of there.

Simple enough. :shrug:

they will never come back.

and then your neighbors will all look at you strangely.

It works better than using terms they wouldn't understand (and trust me, they don't understand "transcendentalist").

On edit: maybe next time I'll tell them I gave blood earlier and I'm just a bit too tired to chat.

It also helps to have the peephole to see whos there. I think some Jehova's Witnesses tried stopping here but I didnt answer.

So the easy route is to say something snappy to them and slam the door feeling terribly clever.

Me, I chat with 'em. Generally, they've never met anyone outside the Kingdom Hall who knows the scriptures. If you've got the skills, hanging out and having a chat with them is terribly interesting. Might possibly make their day, too. And if you believe that doing good things does good for your own soul, you'll do well for yourself in simply treating them like human beings.

B-T-W, if you listen to a Witness long enough, you'll realize that these guys, while crazy as a sprayed roach, haven't been thoroughly politicized yet. Even the Fundies don't like them. Their whole energy has largely been devoted to religious freedom. They have an eschatalogical vision, but it parts company with the rest of the Fundies early on.

I've been to the Kingdom Hall, and I wouldn't sign on with 'em for love nor money. But they rather insist on being free. And, as far as I know, haven't signed on with Dear Leader. Of course, I could've have missed an endorsement in the flood of fundie love George got.

If I have time, I chat with them. If I don't have time, I tell them the truth: that I'm not in the market for a new religion.

I don't think it serves any rational purpose for me to be rude to people who've done me no harm. :shrug:

On the other hand, I was very nice today to a telemarketer who was a total *dick*.

I've *been* a telemarketer. I stand up for them. They're working people. They lead miserable existences at work. But not that guy! Him, I want to have a long, protracted legal battle somewhere, sometime, in which he's convinced he's right. It's the worst agony I can wish on a person.

:grr:

I once was a telemarketer for about two weeks, so that I could write an article about that industry. I learned a lot, and being intrusive and rude is one thing they're told _not_ to do during their training. So, if a telemarketer is intrusive and rude with me after I've clearly said I'm not interested in the offer, I just say, "You're being rude and intrusive," and hang up the phone. And I don't feel a bit guilty about it. They're working for a living, it's true, and most aren't rude or pushy.

was that this particular person hung up on me. I pressed 9 after the message as instructed to inform a human being to take all six of the lines we have here at Head On Communications. I told the human I got what I wanted and he replied "I can only remove the line you called in on." To which I responded, "Sir, I didn't call in. You called. You began this interchange. If you can't take all my business lines off, please put me in touch with a manager who can."

"Have a nice day," he said, and hung up.

So tomorrow, I'll probably file a "John Doe" suit against every telemarketing firm inside WV. I work for free. Their lawyers don't.

I hope you can make an impression on the telemarketing firm without having to retain an attorney, GCM. :thumbsup:

I can do it for free. They have to pay. I win.

:hug:

I've only had three encounters with the Jehovah's Witnesses (all since I dicovered religion myself), but each time it's been pleasant.

They just asked if I believed in God, I said yes, and they asked me some questions about my faith. No proselytising. No problem.

The Jehovah's Witnesses do tend to be on the bleeding edge of religious freedom issues, and you've got to respect them for that.

stomach him.

Once he defended the genocide in the Old Testament by saying that every last man, woman and child deserved to die and that if I had done research on the Palestinian culture of the time, I would agree with him.

I've never felt very comfortable with him since. Anyone who would condone genocide isn't a friend.

"Do you see that church across the street? I'm the pastor there."

And then they had the nerve to say "Can we come in and talk with you about your church?" :eyes:

:)

Stinky Cheese Maker Shuns 'Wallace & Gromit' Spotlight

Wallace & Gromit is bringing unwanted attention to a cheese maker in England. Wallace is a well-known lover of cheese; the latest film mentions a rare cheese called Stinking Bishop, made by Charles Martell on a farm in Gloucestershire, England. He says the notoriety is already creating too much demand on his small business.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4950563


Discover Your Inner Cheese



http://brandy.weblogs.us/archives/001445.html

Tell them -- "I'll talk with you when you explain to me why the Greek tetragrammaton from which you take your name is pronounced Ye-hew'-ya, while you say Jehovah."

(aside ...You say Jehovah, I say Yehewya; let's call the whole thing off.)

(btw - it's Hebrew, not Greek) The bastardization of the name happened with the Good King Jimmy Translation. It was based on a translation of the Latin (Vulgate) translation from the Hebrew. In placing the vowels (Hebrew is consonants only), let's just say "mistakes were made" in the Vulgate. Those mistakes were also copied into the KJV, taking "YHWH" and coming up with "Jehova(h)".

Technically, it is a name which does not exist. And YHWH was never intended to be spoken out loud. (Think "Life of Brian" here - "all I said was that fish was good enough for Jehovah!")

This Old Testament 101 lesson provided to the Lounge, free of charge. :)

My faux pax (yeah I know it's a French term) was that this happened so long ago that I forgot that Greek was used to describe Hebrew texts.

Still, one shouldn't alternat j's & y's -- or v's & w's. Otherwise you end up with phrases like, "Jou yust prewericated about vepons."

(sorry about the subtle political reference)

Did you just switch to Elmer Fudd mode? :)

I studied Hebrew in college under the guidance of an Anglican priest -- the Old Testament was the source of all translation exercises.

As a rule I'm polite to proselytizers at my door and tell them no thanks.

Woe unto those who persist. If they quoth an OT passage I've been known to walk over to the bookshelf, come back with a Hebrew bible in hand and read it to them in Hebrew and discuss the nuances of the phrasing. Usually this is met with the question "Are you Jewish?" and I say no, but with so many English translations around I thought it would better my understanding of the OT to read it in Hebrew and it's a pity I can't read the NT in Greek but I know enough Latin to get through the Vulgate.....

At that point they're usually running away from me.

Is WWJD a contemporary Christian interpretation of YHWH? :)

:rofl:

JW's don't celebrate ANY holidays, including birthdays, being Jesus' or your own. They consider it a form of idolatry.

I wouldn't go that far, but in this age of Freeper extremism, I actually find their take on the whole "God & Country" flag masturbation bullshit kind of refreshing. Which is the same as their view on holidays.

she invites them in, gives them a cold drink and tells them they need to accept Jesus Christ into their hearts and be born again or they are going to hell. Mormons too. I think the word got out, because they stopped knocking about ten years ago, no matter where she lives.

to the blessed virgin, them whip out my rosary and say a few Hail Mary's just to get them started.

:thumbsup:

Best response...ever.

fsc

Thank you!

As they're talking, look between them at some random thing, get a frightened look in your eyes, then point to the spot saying, "My GOD! It's the RAPTURE!"

Then when they turn to look, shut the door. :evilgrin:

They don't celebrate birthdays or holidays

I act like a pirate and tell them to "shove off you scurvy dogs!"

...with them, I usually invite them in, and try to de-program them, instead of vice-versa. Its always fun, and they always leave...:D

It works when the Baptist fundies come knocking on my door.

your can opener.

I just open my door when they come on the property (my dog hears them) and just hold my dog on his leash.

They run pretty fast, like chipmunks.

Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare works for me. :evilgrin:

I outfreak them every time.

Works every time.

work.

If they think you're home, they will stand there knocking or ringing forever. Then they will leave and are usually back within a week.

I had a no soliciting sign on my door forever that they were ignoring. I finally ended up writing on it "Please, no Jehovah's Witnesses". I had that up for about 2 or 3 weeks until I felt bad and took it down, but I think it did the trick. I haven't seen one at my house in about a year.

Alternatively, you might try repeating everything they say. I haven't tried that one, but it seems like it would have good entertainment value.

"Sorry but I worship SATIN ...... you wanna come feel my sheets?".

I talk to them like I've never heard of God or Jesus.

That gets them to leave.

Seems like half the ones on my doorstep don't speak English anyhow. :wtf:

On average I think I see them only once every seven years or so. They probably have a notebook that says about me: "This one is owned by the devil. Be very careful."

I am very strong in my religious convictions. I'll usually start by speaking of the Jehovah Witnesses' pacifism. They like that, and it draws them into conversation. There is a very strong streak of pacifism in my family -- probably most of my ancestors left Europe for America because they were pacifists. One of my grandfathers was a pacifist during World War II, which got him into a lot of trouble.

So they'll get themselves all excited about pacifism until I tell them that I've been attending Catholic Mass for almost twenty years now, and I've worked in blood banks. (I'm not Baptized Catholic, but I'm quite comfortable floating around in the Schism; much too comfortable according to some of the more conservative Catholics I know, and some Catholic Priests I've spoken with.)

Most of all, I tell the Jehovahs Witnesses that so long as I'm Christian I figure I may as well follow an old tradition. And I very much enjoy beautifully decorated churches, which the Jehovahs Witnesses abhor.

If they are not scared away by then, I'll talk about my religious experimentation as a young man -- with the Quakers, the Unitarians, and so on...

They Jehovah Witnesses always go away from my house looking very uncomfortable.

I'm not so mean to other religious people, and I'm downright nice to the Mormon kids. The Mormons have been working on our family for a few generations now, and I think they understand it is a hopeless task.

...you know that means they have baptized all your dead relatives and converted them, right?

How hard is that?

Every minute they spend with me is a minute they don't get to spend with someone else.

I'm doing good, don't you see?

Politely.

It goes like this:

"Hello, how are you today?"
"Yes, yes, I believe in God....I got to that church right over there"
"Nope. I'm not interested, but thank you."
"Have a nice day"

I've actually never met a pushy Witness.

it usually works just fine for me. After all, these are people we're dealing with, not rabid dogs. :eyes:

I've had as many JW's knock on my door as the next person, and don't think saying, "No, thank you" is that difficult. I usually say something like, "No, thank you, we are very happy with our church" and close the door.

...and he's approached me outside of work. I've simply told him I'm not interested, and we still get along great. In fact, he's remained a good friend, too. He even visited me when I was hospitalized last spring, which was more than what my soon-to-be-ex-wife did.

though his stepfather is not.

I've socialized closely with them for years and have never once been proselytized by any of them. They never even MENTION it.

When I was in college we got all kinds of wackos including the JW's, this worked on all of them.

Knock
me: hello (beer in hand)
wacko: Hi, do you (insert salvation method here)
me: Well I was just fixing to crack open another beer and twist up a joint, want to join me?
wacko: Stammer and leave

The other method is to agree to read and listen to their material if they will agree to read and listen to yours

Ask them stupid-ass questions. Tell them that King James was a flamboyantly gay... Have some fun!

We hava plush "Shalom" sign near our door. I just point to it and they leave.

Then close the door.

The story was that this guy was telling his friend that the Jehovah's Witnesses came by and he told them in Spanish that he didn't speak English. They left, and, to his surprise, they either returned with a Spanish speaking person or sent one there instead. When that person was there, he made up a phrase in another foreign language and they left, confused, followed up later by someone ELSE. Basically, they were so persistent that the guy had looked up "I don't speak your language" in several different languages to get them to leave.

Wow, I just reread that and I don't tell it well. (When I heard it I was rolling from laughter) But I think the point was made, at least.

Anyway, I'm sure it is NOT a true story and just a joke, but when you said that it reminded me of it.

Never answer your door to people who look like they are dressed for church. They'll go away.

I happened to come home early from work and they saw me pull into my garage and close the door. A few minutes later my doorbell starts ringing so I ignore it then my door knob starts turning, my door was locked but I couldn't help thinking, what if it wasn't? Would they have just walked into my house? I was actually scared and if they hadn't left I was going to call the police, but they left.

talk... if they will.

God bless they be martyrs!

:rofl: at your reply

It makes them cry.

A few try coming back with kids. I swear I wish I had chocolate Neanderthal figures to give them.

Then I talk about the odds of getting into the Kingdom and why worship anyone who allows little children to die?

thank you, and goodbye. Smile. Shut door.

they open their mouths, and start shutting the door before I end the sentence.

I use to give 'em a buck for the "Watch Tower" but I quit that long ago.

Ask them why they put all of their money, faith and time in something that doesn't exist.

When they disagree, tell them to prove it. If they can't prove it in 10 minutes, slam the door on their faces.

I check the side window, and do this to whoever is at the door in pairs that have suits on, either the Mormons or JWs. Anyways, so I answer the door with knife in hand and ask "Can you come back in about a half hour? I'm not done with the virgin yet." That usually gets them to go, doubly quick! :evilgrin:

I open the door, but the glass/screen door stays shut. If I see the people are solicitors of any kind, I just smile & say I'm not interested. Then close the door--gently. No need to be rude. Well, sometimes there is a need to be rude.

Or I tell them I'm Catholic. I haven't joined any other religious group & haven't been excommunicated--so, that's mostly true. (Except that I'm an Agnostic/Atheist now. I'm not sure which. But I don't go to Atheist Meetings.)

... say, 'scuse me, bursting here, was about to take a piss when you so rudely interrupted and make as if about to take a leak on them...

I believe that works for Mormons anyway. :-)

They take one look at me and run in the opposite direction. Then again, I dress like an Anne Rice vampire and I'm usually dripping with esoteric jewelry.

When they do, I always smile at them, tell them I appreciate what they are doing for their church, but I am simply not interested. If they try to push it a bit, I let them know that I work at home (which is true) and that "I really do have to get back to work now." Then I wish them a pleasant day and gently close the door.

When I lived in Fort Worth and had more visitors, I would simply say, "I know why you're here and I'm sorry but I'm not interested. Thank you. Bye-bye." If they pushed it, I would tell them I'm Catholic and my mother would kill me if I switched religions. :)

sound of the hammer being pulled back on my 12 gauge.

Have a nice day. Then I gently close the door. Why did you let them into your apartment?

That's what I do if I don't recognize the person outside the door.

I don't think there's any point in being rude to them. I have known a handful of Jehovah's Witnesses and they were all pretty nice people. And while they certainly wouldn't have agreed with me on many of my liberal agnostic beliefs, I found their view on things like not pledging allegiance to the flag and not praying in public places (this was at least the belief among the ones I knew) refreshing.

Plus, after going door to door campaigning for Kerry last year, I have respect for anyone willing to put themselves out there that way concerning something that they believe in. It can be very disheartening and frustrating, even if you get a basic fulfillment from feeling like you are doing the right thing. I feel like people trying to expose people to their religion aren't really that much different than people trying to expose people to their political beliefs. If they're overly pushy or rude about it that's one thing, but that hasn't been my experience with either Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons.

once just walked into my house without knocking. They were greeted by my 120 lb. Bouvier who wasn't happy to have strangers walking in. We've never had that problem again.

That takes some serious brass balls!

Makes me even happier we have a Great Pyrenees. Nothing gets past our front walk without us knowing about it!

fsc

And they NEVR came back. Of course I was wearing my cape and covered in goat blood...

their pamphlets for my "Mary: the way to Jesus" or "Welcome to Catholicism" pamphlets. I haven't been Catholic for a while, but they still work.

I opened the door to a couple of teens who were way too white and innocent for my neighborhood.

"Do you know where you're going when you die?"

"Oh, I'm going to heaven."

"That's great, but how do you know for sure?"

"I have a coupon."

You could actually see their brains short circuiting. I gave them my most disturbing smile and slowly closed the door.

Next time I'm going to tell them that I can't talk about it because I'm in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.

Same smile, and slowly close the door...

I can't wait.

:rofl:

A friend of mine came up with that and eventually that was the name of his band.

We had a hard time deciding what the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program actually was. For a while we tought it might be a haven for runaway Jehovah's Witnesses, but we decided it was much funnier as a relocation program for people who saw Jehovah do something so horrible that they might be subpeonaed.

"I was in the supermarket and Jehovah was there...and there was this baby crying...and Jehovah shook it...

Oh, god, it was horrible. Then he looked at me and mouthed "You're next!""

so as to extol the virtues of the Flying Spaghetti Monster!

1. I was at my then boyfriends apt and they JW's came a knocking at the door. I used to have a Star of David necklace that I liked to ware (even though I'm not Jewish) ..... the whole time this guy kept staring at my necklace and I had a blank look on my face and he finally said .... "Oh are you Jewish" and I said ..... "Is the Pope Catholic?". That ended that little conversation REAL quick.

2. My other was to look outside the peep hole and in speak in a loud voice in broken english ..... "No one home!! I just cleaning lady! I get back to work! You leave now!".

an atheist or a Wiccan. They leave fairly quickly. :)

They leave immediately.

Seems to work

I use to tell them i was raised mormon, but that didn't help at all, most of the time, they were more forceful when i told them that. Nowadays, i just open the door, look at them, and slam the door shut..no talking, just WHAM, goodbye!...btw i'm not mormon anymore...

You know, the kind that say "I am deaf and I need money. Please buy this card for whatever you can afford." Hand them out.

you're going to be one of the 144,000? You got a better shot at the lottery, son. Hey, could you hand me that newspaper please? By your foot, that's right, thanks (SLAM!)"